Once More Unto The Fray Dear Friends

Timely Decisions

2011-03-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

Time, a perception of passing conjured by the human mind so that we may have a reference to our place in the universe. Its is merely a perception, something without substance or tangible matter that is as relevant as we wish it to be. It passes as quickly or as slowly as we percieve it to pass. Meaning that what may feel like an hour to one person may seem like seconds to another. We have definitions for time and how long specific periods of time are but they are only so that there is a common frame of measurement and reference among us as a specie. Perhaps if other intelligent social life exists those lifeforms may measure time in a different way, have differing meanings of measurement for it, or perhaps they have no concept of the passing of time. But regardless of how other life may or may not percieve and measure it, we do and that is both relevant and important.

For me time is something that passes slowly most of the time. Why? Because I wish it to pass slowly so that I might be able to take the time to look around and study things, to understand those other things that are relevant to me and important to me. Lately though time has seemed...more relevant than I wish it too. This is partially because of the passing of my father, which led me to view myself in a different light. It was something of a passing of a mantle, no longer was I able to sit in the shadow of a man I viewed as larger than myself, I was forced to step forward and be seen in the light, the gaze of other family members directed upon me. I stand now in that light in defiance of them, they see me as less than my father, weaker and easier to manipulate, but they are finding me more defiant and more cunning than he was.

But time has become more relevant because I look at the changes to come and the changes that have already come and now realize that there is a timetable for these things, mostly because they involve other people and goals that are dependent upon the idea of time. While this is neither a bad nor a good thing, I am finding it....disconcerting. I find it thus because of impending changes on a 6 month time span, decisions must be made and those decisions will affect more than me and I will be forced to partially decide for others, something that has never sat well with me, though it has happened all too often.

I often find it a cruel joke that I am, too often for my liking, defined as a tyrant or a leader (depending on who is doing the defining) but that, for myself, I would prefer to be neither. Making decisions for others has never been something I care to do. What people confuse for a desire to control is merely a desire to observe and offer commentary or, when it is solicited, advice. Typically what happens when I offer advice is either someone asking "what else should I do?" or "dont tell me what to do", though I wasnt offering to make a decision nor implying that a person SHOULD do one thing or another. More and more I am finding people to be over-reacting one way or another, and occasionally under-reacting.

There are other things affecting me, which led to me writing this, though I dont care to put them down for all the world to see. I would kill for a little true relaxation and peace of mind, but there is work to be done and others are both relying and depending on me, I cannot let them down nor can I let myself down. Est Sulars Oth Mithas.

Even Gods Die

2011-02-22T23:21:00.000-08:00

So last wednesday, Feb. 16th, I found out my father passed away on Jan. 4th, 2011. I found out because a cousin sent me a facebook message saying "Was Gary Stengar your father?" and there was something about the "was" that gave me a bad feeling. I googled my fathers name, Gary Gale Stengar, and found his obituary. There was a feeling of disbelief, and I truly didnt believe it. I had to check with other family members to find out it was true. Odd that I could find them to contact them but not the other way around.

Dad and I hadnt been getting along very well these past few years. I hadnt seen him in nearly a year, hadnt emailed him in months and talked to him in almost a year. Though he wasnt always present, his presence was always here with me. I miss him more than words can ever hope to express, I feel a great sense of loss and the absence of that warm presence hurts so much. I can only hope that he died knowing how much I loved him, I know that he loved me.

Gary Stengar wasnt a man who openly expressed his feelings easy but everytime we had to part he told me he loved me and told me to be good. It may not seem like much to some but to me it meant everything. He was a big man, full of love and intelligence. I remember the strength in his arms when he'd give me a hug, the bold laughter so full of life. He died of a heart attack, in his sleep, he always said he wished to die in his sleep.

Even now its hard to think of him as gone. To me he was larger than life, falable but invincible. He was my ideal of what a man should be. I could have seen him anytime I wanted, but chose not to. Now he's gone and I'll never be able to see him again, never be able to hug him and tell him how proud I am to be his son, talk with him about things, never be able to introduce him to a girlfriend, never be able to invite him to my wedding, show him his grandchildren, I will never see my father again and for that I will never be able to forgive myself.

I love you Dad and I will miss you so much.

Shawn Vincent Stengar

Some writings.

2010-11-23T02:53:00.000-08:00

I got bored one night and decided to write some things. Its not based on anything other than thoughts, ect. It IS of an erotic nature, just a forwarning.

It didn’t matter how often they made love, how often they had sex, how often they fucked because each and every time he saw her naked it was like seeing her for the first time all over again. Perhaps such feelings could be attributed to his youth, the fact that they didn’t see each other all that often or maybe it was just lust but it didn’t matter.

Perfection was the way he could best describe her, not the perfection of some magazine or popular idea but the perfection in the idea of a creator. Society termed people underweight, overweight, too curvy, not curvy enough, and all points in-between but what mattered to him was her and how she appeared in his minds eye, how she felt in his big hands, the way she conformed to his body, everything else was useless nonsense. She was perfection beneath his fingertips.

Their love life was a myriad of things, but anything besides boring. She was looking at him with those eyes, eyes that betrayed a great sense of intelligence both inward and outward. Awaiting his touch she was becoming impatient. Tonight was not about exercising her dominance over him or his over her, it was about need and desire. They hadn’t seen each other in awhile and they both wanted each other, though individually they both believed they wanted the other more than the opposite.

His eyes moved up over the her petite feet, over the slightly curved calves to the graceful incline of her hips to the cinch of her waist, up to the swell of her beautiful breasts to that face that so commanded his thoughts all too often. As his eyes moved so to did those large hands until they rested lightly on her throat, a touch that meant everything between them, control, trust, lust.

Then I decided to write a little more.

Her throat made a guttural primal sound as his hand traveled over the pale warm flesh of her body. The sound was pleasing in many ways, it spoke of her desire for him, the need for his touch, and the pleasure at having received it. That sound meant everything to him, it had become her mating call for him and it never ceased to work.

It stemmed from when they had first met. He had taken her to a movie, she had been talking to him for years but this was the first time they had truly met in person, until this point they were merely two thoughts digitally connected by their mutual interests in various things. But now they were together, though it was nothing more than a dusty movie theatre that smelled of stale popcorn and even staler soda. As they watched the move he had casually reached over and placed his large warm hands on the cold pale skin of her exposed neck and involuntarily she had uttered that sound, the sound that would forever entrance him. Neither spoke a word but both knew that there was a spark of something between them more powerful than simple words.

Now as she uttered that sound yet again he felt a need to breed her. It was amazing how much happens without realizing it, how much works with and against you in those lust filled moments. The smell of her sex, her wetness filling the small bedroom, the sound of it as his fingers slowly explored her wetness. Between sound and smell there are few words that could ever compare to those twin powers.

Nothing will ever be able to move a man as much as smell, it can bring back the fondest memories, perfume the air and control his mind, and bring him to his very knees if used properly. No matter what that smell is, it can be something as simple as baking cookies or as complex as the primal wetness of his lovers scent filling his nostrils.

The sound of her wetness, the sounds of their mating, the audible noise of moans, groans, and gurgles are only a step below the sense of smell. No musical instrument or song can ever hope to match the sound of a unique mating call or the sound of passionate love making.

She was his and was showing it to him in every possible way, even if she didn’t know it. He was taking time to savor those sounds, those smells, and the sight of his own perfection that was her incredible body. The longer he waited the more sounds she made, the more she writhed in front of him, and the stronger her scent became. Its in moments like these that time simply becomes relative, becomes only a perception and where immortality becomes real.

So then I decided to do one more lol

Anger, one of the worlds finest and purest of emotions. Its taste in the mind is that of a hot cider, warm and fiery with a pleasant taste. It clouds the mind of better judgment, but feels clear and fluid.

His eyes burned into her, deep brown eyes of fury that threatened to sear the flesh from her bones. She had made the mistake of ignoring him and nothing infuriated him more, nothing drove him to madness quite like being ignored. But why? Why had she ignored him she wondered, feeling herself sweat beneath the heat of his stare. Was it on purpose to get him to show he cared or was it merely a mistake?

Every muscle told him to teach the wretched bitch a lesson, to teach through pain and misery, to make her wear the marks of her mistakes. But even as the anger flooded his mind the better part of him would have none of it. Pain was what she craved, she enjoyed it, but turn about is fair play in such games. He simply arched an eyebrow and smoothed a hand along her bare shoulders.

She looked up at him with a pleading gaze, practically asking to be taught her lesson, begging to shown the error of her ways. As he touched her, that guttural moan left her lips and her flesh warmed beneath his touch. She expected it would get much warmer if the anger in those deep brown eyes had anything to say about it.

He too felt the reaction in her flesh, in her eyes, in her soul. But no pain came, he would inflict no harm upon her. It would only giver her what she wished and would give him little satisfaction. No, he would give her what she gave him, he would ignore her. With an evil little smile he patted her head, turned on his heel and shut the door behind him.

And that was pretty much it. I find it theraputic in a way, exciting sometimes, and other times it just feels creative.

Grey horizons

2010-11-21T01:34:00.000-08:00

Lord almighty its been one of those months, well 2 months. Felt like I'm losing my mind at first, then it turned to just generally being less than happy. I supposed I should be pleased that the first part was just stress but the second part....I dunno. Realizing I wasnt actually in a relationship really didnt do my over stressed mind any good. Never was good at the friends with benefits thing, always want more and that was the case here. But such is the nature of some things and one is forced to move on.

Gallery of Memories

2010-10-16T23:41:00.001-07:00

Was doing something for a friend tonight, sorta involved me attempting to draw...lol...yeah if you've ever seen me attempt it then you know how funny it ends up looking. Anyway I was doing that, opened up a little notepad and it had a message, which I had already read a long time ago, for me from an ex, just her email address but it brought a swell of....past pleasent thoughts to mind.

Like most humans I live not only in the present, the hopes for my future, but also in the memories of my past. I like to think of memories as pieces of art that I can look at whenever I please, my own personal gallery. This thought was pleasent and brought a smile to my lips, I remembered how beautiful she is, how sweet and kind she could be, and how I saw so much potential in her. When I think back to her I hear slow jazz music and I see that gorgeous face smiling at me and I'm there again for a moment.

The same is true when I look back at other memories of other exes, family members, friends, ect. The mind's memories is a gallery of art and in each room the appropriate music is playing for those memories.

I think of my grandmother and no matter what the memory, happy or sad, it brings tears to my eyes. The weight of such loss, the refusal to accept death as a natural portion of life weighs on me, brings those tears out that few other things in this world can.

I love my memories with all my heart and soul, as I love the tears. It reminds me of my humanity, that I can feel like anyone else.

Exploring the Ego

2010-10-09T23:52:00.000-07:00

The human mind fascinates me, all the various facets we show of who we truly are. Do we ever truly know who we really are? Or are we merely the sum of all those facets, never truly speaking in the same continuous voice. As time goes on and I learn more the more I am convinced that psychology is my calling. I LOVE literature but its a personal interest, there is so much more I can do with a psychology degree, to help my fellow man. Naturally I understand the minds of others far better than I could ever hope to understand my own but such is always the nature of those who hope to heal.

Dont get me wrong, I realize I'll never be the same as a surgeon who can see first hand the healing natures of his work but I like to think that what I do will be able to heal the mind and soul both. I just need to find a way to heal myself. My relationship with my father, continued grieving for my late maternal Grandmother, lack of romance in life, failed relationships, ect. But that which does not kill you makes you stronger right?

I often wonder if I'm losing touch with friends, I see them, I talk to them but understand them? Some of them are facing relationship issues of their own and it feels like there is nothing I can do to help. I'm told that its not my duty to save everyone, to solve everyones problems....that doesnt mean that I dont have a strong desire to. Someone once instilled in me a belief that my friends and family are my court and I am their Lord, if that is true then I have neglected them and it feels as if it is my duty to use my wisdom and whatever power or influence I have to assist them. This is my nature I suppose, to desire to help, to heal, to solve the problems of others and go forth and help to smooth away the troubles. In return they pay tribute to my ego and, like a gracious Lord, I merely smile and nod, saying that it was my privelage to be of assistance.

Its funny that the two people who instilled that idea and my ego are gone and the other I havent talked to since she moved home. Oddly I find my thoughts turning to the one who built my ego, she is married and has a kid now, her life is a far cry from what she wanted but hopefully it makes her happy. She built up my ego, helped to shape that which now sits here typing. She was beautiful in those days, radiant and gorgeous. The other is and will always be a friend, we simply do not have much contact or perhaps use for one another.

What I seek now is someone who at least begins to understand these thoughts, that can inspire me to greater things and whom I can help, who needs me. She could be a whole world away, proximity has rarely been an issue for me, I simply need the other person so that we can work towards a common goal and continue to produce new great goals for the future.

Shawn

The Almighty

2010-09-26T01:49:00.000-07:00

So a friend of mine was watching a History channel special about God and some of the things done in the old testament. Its been thought that perhaps because of God anger that he has commited sin by killing those he was angry with. IE Soddom and Ghmorra, the whole world except for Noah and his family, ect. However what is not understood here is that rational thought of mankind does NOT apply to God. Personally I'm a special breed of agnostic called a "Humanist" and so generally I dont agree with traditional style thoughts. But in traditional dogma and doctorine for nearly every religion who believes in a singular supreme being they alla gree that this beyond is above and beyond us. Remember that God didnt just creat man and the world but the entire universe in which it sits. The very stars in the sky, the great black expanse betweent he stars and every law known to the galaxy were said to have been set in place by this singular being and through its will alone the universe and all its inhabitants continue to exist. The laws and ideals he set down for us to follow do not apply to him. Think of it as a child, children are given a bedtime, taught to eat their dinner before their dessert but these things do not apply to the parents. To say we are merely children in the presence of such a being, if one existed, is a severe understatment. So yes in many ways its a "Do I say, not as I do" but its more than that, your questioning the wisdom of a being who is past, present, and future who see and knows all.

As for me, well no matter what the case with God is what I believe is that we are the important part. We arent Gods, we dont have the luxury of immortality, all knowing minds, all seeing eyes, and omnipresence. We are human and we have short existences, we have flawed intellects, and eyes that do not always see what they should. As a people we must be concerned with each other first and foremost, we must endure together through faith in each other and believe in each other. Through one another all things are possible, we can do anything so long as we struggle to do so together. We WILL stumble along the way and will make mistakes but through those mistakes we will learn, we will persevere. We should be thankful for our existence yes, but not to the point where we abandon one another in order to seek the blessing of our creator, rather we should honor our lives by making the most of it.

Shawn

Lost

2010-05-28T02:37:00.000-07:00

Lost, its really the only way to describe how I feel. I am not without hope, without dreams its just that I dont know how to follow them or which one I want to follow. I dont know when I first became lost, only that I am. Most days I spend in a fog, barely noticing that the day goes by. One day is pretty much the same as the next. Even my desire to write, which was once a burning passion, is nothing more than an occasional whim. I feel a great deal of inspiration trapped within me but know not how to access it.

I am unsure of many things in my life. But the thing that bothers me the most is romance. Its different being single this time, in the past I desperately sought out other people, exes whom it didnt work with simply because I couldnt stand the thought of being alone. In the past I sought the counsel of friends, asking questions that they did not have the answers to when I should have been asking myself those questions. I could use some clairty about now, something to put things in perspective.

My nephew grows more each day, perhaps he puts a few things in perspective for me. I want nothing more than for him to grow and to know his Uncle and I wish to be an Uncle he can look up to and feel pride in. In turn I wish to help him grow to know peace and intelligence in himself, to have the wisdom that his father simply does not have. Would that he might one day have an Aunt who accompanies his Uncle.

I know that I need to return to school, I've been away too long and I need to go back. I need to learn, to study and grow again. Perhaps the answers I seek are in knowledge I have yet to learn and perhaps in seeking that knowledge I will find someone to share the journey with me. Now I just need to find my way back to school.

Shawn

Melancholy

2010-02-08T03:24:00.000-08:00

Listening to The Rose, the Lean Rimes version. I guess it was done by Bette Midler first ubt I like the sound of Rimes voice better. Good song though, kinda makes me wanna write again but I find I'm still have inspirational problems. Could be from a lot of things though, Grandma's death, failed desires, failed relationships, hard to say.

Finally saw Donnie Darko about a week ago, absolutely loved it. Ive heard the song "Mad World" a lot of times and I've always liked it but now that I've seen the movie I totally understand it better now, go figure. Always like the line "I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad the dreams in which I'm die'ing are the best I've ever had...". Feeling rather melancholy tonight, its that feel that somethings not quite right, just off a bit. I dunno. Could be that its Valentines day next weekend and this just isnt what I had planned it on being. A friend brought over Dragonage: Origins though and I suppose that'll kinda fill some of my time for now.

Getting taxes back soon, wanna go somewhere for a few days, hopefully San Fransisco or something in California, maybe cmaping in the redwoods when winter is more or less through.

Food

2010-02-06T21:48:00.000-08:00

Food, absolutely love it. I am a fan of almost all things food. Great amounts of enjoyment can be found in making your own meal, carefully preparing the ingredients and skillfuly crafting them into something wonderful. But there is also much to be said for eating out, enjoying the creations of a fine restraunt or even a fast food place. Personally I'm partial to KFC, theres something about the mashed potatoes and gravy, and the chickens ok although not as good as I remember it being years ago. Taco Hell, McDonalds, Burger King are all places I eat when I have a craving for junk food or just dont have much time for anything else, not a huge fan of those particular places.

When it comes to finer dining I can think of several places that I have enjoyed over the years. One is the Greek Deli in Portland OR., their food is simply amazing, even more so for their fair pricing. I'm not overly picky about my food but I am rather critical of desserts. They have some of the best baklava Ive had.
At home theres plenty of seafood restraunts I love but Benettis, an Italian restraunt, is defiantely a favored restraunt. Its the whole style of the place that I like. Particularly the fact that its casual, it feels like an Italian home. I know the owner and operator, several of the waiter/waitresses and I have always felt welcome there. I dont think I've ever had a bad meal there either.
However if I'm going to have seafood at home I think the Hilltop House is the one place I can always trust to have superior seafood, fresh and expertly prepared. They also haves stuffed mushrooms like Ive never had before and cant imagine I will again.
Las Vegas is definately a city I could stay in for a year and never eat at the same place twice if I didnt want. Although secluded in the middle of the mojave desert they have some of the best foods both seafood and otherwise that is always fresh, imported daily. I cant begin to count the number of different places I've eaten there but the Rainforest Cafe, although not only in Las Vegas, is one of the best in the city for its unique dining exerpience.
San Fransisco is another city I cant imagine finding a bad meal in. I was once at a small restraunt in China Town that was situated above another business and they had the most excellent pot stickers. Since that time I've eaten a lot of different pot stickers in different restaunt and most havent been that bad but this place was the best, hands down and I wish I could remember the name of it. I had breakfast the next morning along the whorf and I had scrambled eggs, corn beef and hash and it was freaking amazing. It wasnt overpowering on the seasoning, it was perfect.
The last time I was in Spokane, WA. I ate at this little restaunt with my ex-girlfriend and her friend and their burgers were fantastic. It was everything about the burger, they toasted the bun perfectly, made the burger just a little pink in the center, used a blend of things in their own sauce and their deserts were.....well interesting. It was the deep friend twinkie smothered in chocolate sauce and sprinkled with powdered sugar and cinnanom that caught my attention when her friend was talking about it, though my blood sugar and body just werent brave enough to even attempt that suicide mission.

Silver Lining.

2010-02-04T02:16:00.000-08:00

Almost Valentines day, and this year I'm single. I say single instead of alone because....I dont really feel alone right now. I have loyal friends, and it just doesnt feel as alone. The last relationship was funa t first but it didnt work out, it didnt end with yelling or bad feelings. I think we both realized it just wasnt working. To me....thats a step in the right direction, that it wasnt something I was lacking, wasnt something I did wrong. We just werent working because we have different wants, different ideas of what life should be....and thats ok.

There's a girl I'm interested in but I dont wanna jump into anything, and frankly we have all the time in the world. There are other things I need to get accomplished first. I wanna go back to school, I wanna get to know someone really well, I want them to be interested in my writing, enjoy what I have to say and be my best friend as well as my lover. As it turns out I still have a great deal of hope for the world, go figure. I even have faith in mankind.

Ironically I wrote that last part as my head turned to watch a guy fake cumming on 40 Days and 40 Nights. If you havent seen it, watch it, damned funny. So I feel kinda random. You might ask what brings on this random celebration, well I had dessert with the ex tonight and it was good. We talked, she asked me to move in with her and her friend but I told her that her extracurricular lifestyle doesnt work with me and I just wouldnt tolerate living with it. But it was good cause she was ok with that and understood even if she wasnt happy about it.

I'm also looking forward to seeing Yellowstone this summer, Yosemite last year was incredible and there are times when I'm tired and laying in the bathtub that images of it still fill my mind. Always been a lover of nature. I'd love to go somewhere like that in the winter with someone, romantic getaway type of thing. Which makes me miss a friend who stayed with me for like 2 weeks recently, it was nice to have someone here to distract me from over analyzing myself.

Well I'm off to have a late dinner with another friend.

Friends Are Fish

2009-12-23T21:50:00.000-08:00

I have to know myself better than I ever believed possible in the last few years. I know my strengths but more importantly I know my weaknesses and I embrace both whole heartedly. I have come to know the value of true undying frindship that is beyond any measure. It is holding someone in your arms till they fall asleep and kissing their forhead, it is laughing at completely moronic things that are funny simply because the moment is right and you connect with each other. Its something that cannot defined with a value because it is far too precious. A friend is many things, they are your confidant, your strength, your one weakness, your moral compass and your guiding star, they are a fish who makes funny faces because your both tired but you need to laugh. This wont make any sense to most people and thats ok, it makes sense to me and its a memory that will edure forever.

Drama

2009-12-17T04:42:00.000-08:00

Got up early and watched Repo: The Genetic Opera, love that movie sooo much. Why you might ask? Cause its really really dramatic and I love that in a movie. Its the same reason I like the Star Wars movies, they're bigger than life and extremely dramatic and thats very cool to me. I know a lot of people are always telling me they avoid all drama in their lives but I think they forget that the drama is desperately needed and you can get it without actually living it.

For the moment I'm happy with the relative lack of serious drama in my life. Taesha hasnt really talked to me in about 3 weeks or so and thats helped. Exes can really throw your life into chaos at times. This new girl is definately interesting to say the absolute least and I forsee very good things in the future. I was telling a friend this morning that life works one of two ways, you either go with the flow of the universe and have faith that fate will carry you on the stral winds to the places where you are meant to be OR you take hold of the planets and align them to alter the flow to your will. The problem with altering the flow of the astral winds is that you MUST be willing to follow through with the alterations, even if they have negative consequences. I alter the flow. It seems to be working for me.

I have a friend staying with me for a few days over the weekend so if I'm out of contact, my apologies. This weekend is the guilds Christmas party. For those of you not in the guild or game, I'm reffering to the World of Warcraft guild that I run. We're a family, we play together for social reasons, try not to let it get too serious, have fun and be there for each other. In some ways the game binds us, although I'm told that I am the binding glue for them.

I think I may have had too much acid for breakfast, just had a bunch of cut up pineapple and a couple glasses of orange juice and now my tongue stings a little. Oh well, I do love my fruits. Probably doesnt help that I probably have acid reflux too but havent checked with my doctor yet, should do that someday.

Got all of my Christmas shopping done early this year, kinda happy about that. Although i admit that holidays this year are things I just want to be over and done with. Every holiday serves to remind me that Grandma is gone and that it was beyond my control. But thats another story entirely I guess. Well I'm off to go watch Chicago, havent watched it in awhile and I'm feeling the music.

Another return

2009-12-08T00:30:00.000-08:00

Man I just cant seem to post on a regular basis. Last post was in 2007? Wow, id try and recap whats been going on since then but.....well theres been so much. But chances are if your reading this then you know me and know a fair deal of what was going on, what is going on, and hell you probably know more than me about what may go on in the future.

So its winter, its been in the 20's and 30's here and thats not exactly normal. However we've had no snow, thats a good thing and a bad thing. I dont have to shovel snow from a driveway or worry about falling my ass down on ice but its still cold and I rather enjoy walks in the snow. But it does make me appreciate things like hot chili and hot chocolate.

So what does winter mean to you? Some cultures see winter as the ending of the year, an end to all things before the coming of the new. Others see it merely as the dormant side of nature as it gains its strength, waiting to unleash its spurt of growth and bring back the spark of life. I've always been a fan of the cold, a fan of winter. Some part of me sympathizes with the cold, feels a connection to it. But then its that same part of me that finds comfort in the darkness, the shadowy recesses of the world most people avoid. No I dont skulk about in dark alleys, this simply means that I prefer being in the dark as opposed to the light. As a small example I prefer Safeway to Wal-Mart for groceries not because of prices but because Safeways lighting is lower, less harsh whereas Wal-Mart uses a lot of bright lighting. I prefer to be up at night because its colder and darker and thats where I feel more comfortable. I do appreciate the light though, without the light we would never know the true essence of darkness, we would not have gold and orange sunsets over this most beautiful world.

So the one thing I will 'try' to avoid here is World of Warcraft talk, I have the guild website for that. To those that play, want to play or want to join us the site is http://www.guildportal.com/Guild.aspx?PageName=Home&GuildID=252923&TabID=2126324.

I should probably avoid politics to some degree. I'm not an Oboma fanatic but I'm not an Oboma hater either. Guys only been in office a year, not even that actually. I wanna see any other person go in and have any degree of success greater in your first time as a junior senator. The only person I really really dont like is Sarah Palin, I know her job is'nt easy either but good heavly fuck, does she really have to be that much of a spazz nut job? All it takes is a filter for the craziness in the brain. I have nut job ideas too but I dont say them outloud and have no intention of carrying through with them. Just have a little goddamned control already.
There need to be more guys like Kennedy, it was sad he died this year. He did more than either of his two brothers, he was a fighter and one of the better men in politics.

On a last more pleasent note, I've not been playing a whole lot of WoW lately and havent had the inclination to in the middle of the night lately cause I've been talking to someone online at night that is really cool. Definately happy about that, not everyday you make a good connection with someone. Thats all I'll say about that for now, dont wanna jinx anything.

Goodnight my loyal subjects, I leave you now to rejoice at Lord Shawns return.
Oh and your random quote for today is "At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet" -Plato

Lord Shawn

A Voice from the Void

2007-11-29T07:25:00.000-08:00

Well its been about three years but I've returned. All that flash of MySpace finally got to me, too many prying eyes of the wrong kinds, too much confusion and not enough honesty. Maybe this time it will be different yes?

So i had a dream last night. It was interesting. What was it? There was a beautiful house, made of glass and stell with an indoor pool. It was next to a highway inside some major metropolitain city. Inside was an older gentlman with strange eyes, eyes like midnight. He seemed nice enough, I jumped out of a moving car to sneek into the house to see him. I pretended to knock on the door and he told me to come back in anyway. I did and we talked about something for hours, he told me things that changed my mind about everything, though I cannot remember the words. Then some men came, presumably a gang, and he sent me and his two servant girls away. The girls were young and beautiful but kind and nice. Inside the gang killed him. I saw myself in the dream as two people. I was one of the girls, a young African American girl and his death made me sad, then i was also myself and I was furious. I went back inside and killed three of the four men, the fourth was different. He was stronger, bigger. We fought for a bit with neither of us gaining the upper hand. Finally, enraged, I grabbed his collar and pulled him close. I looked into his eyes and saw another being within, something altogether alien. I warned him and others of his kind to leave us all be, to leave our world and never return. He did and I sensed that others of his kind left too. Then I was the girl again and I knew that thinks were ok now. I told the girl I was with too stay. She said she had to go, another girl came out and asked her to stay too. I saw them talking and there was a distinct attraction between them, my friend smiled and shyly agreed to stay. That was the end of it. It was strange, not a nightmare but more just an odd dream. Meaning perhaps? I dunno.

So I would assume that if your here reading this now its because of 1 of 2 things. Either you know me or you happened across this page somehow. If you just happened across this than feel free to stay and look around but know that I'm not here to please you, only to be honest with myself and reflect on ideas. On occasion there may be a hidden message meant to convey something or maybe its a message to someone but for the most part everything here is merely a conglomaration of things on my mind. The old posts are still here and your welcome to read them, but they are just that, old. Things have changed, illusions broken, life situations modified, and the world a new place in many ways.

Those things said, Im glad to have this page back. Not everything worked out the way I had so hoped it would have the last time I was here. As there has always been there are two parts to me, one part of me is glad to be alive and grateful for every day that I live. The other side is wounded, bleeding profusely from the chest, and losing strength with every step. I feel a coldness returning to me in a lot of ways, a numbness thats all too familiar. What caused this? Well it wouldnt be fair to blame it on one person. In truth its as much my fault as anyone elses. I allowed myself to be blinded by false hope and emotion, I failed to guard myself well enough and I fell prey to my own illusions, and I was almost consumed by them. My quest, my hope was fruitless and there was never any real chance from the moment I started down that road, the best I could have hoped for pales in comparison to what I truly wanted. But that, dear friends, is the nature of emotion, the nature of love itself. I've always said that love is neither good nor bad, that love is not a force of pure good. Love can hurt as much as it can heal and grow. Somehow I'm grateful for the experience, even if nothing came of it exactly I still got to touch love and it was truth, I was honest with myself in that moment more than I ever had been before or since. That moment was both miraculous and terrible, there was much pain in that moment and I could hardly bear the weight of it. The next day was one of fuming peace, the eye of the storm. I was allowed, for one day to be completely numb and at the same time I watched from behind this shield of numbness, I watched myself walking and talking with a friend that I couldnt feel more for and yet a part of me was furious at. What would come after that day was bad too, and things will never be the same. Now I look at those memories, like looking at pictures in a gallery. Im fond of them but I know that I cant go back to them, they live only in my mind and its there and there alone that I still remember what it felt like to think that there was still a hope, still a chance. There is a nostalgic sadness that I feel now, and even that is not lasting because I feel the coldness, the numbness returing. I'll hold out for as long as I can.

2005-06-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "The gods trembled at what they had made, fear shown in each immortal eye as they beheld the birth of man" ~Unknown

I cant say that yesterday wasnt an interesting day towards its end. Normal for the most part up till the evening after an earthquake sounded off the Oregon coast and while I was at work in a call center that can house about 500 people they shut down all our calls and told us we were to evacuate the building and get as high as possible because a Tsunami was to hit in less than an hour. Of course there was a certain amount of disbelief, like it was some kind of drill, and a bit of panic as well. In the end I merely made my way home, as I had decided to walk to work that day, without the least bit of actual fear, a bit of aprehension but no fear. Whether the lack of fear was born from a sense that nothing would really happen or if it was hte contentness with life is hard to say, though I dont think it was the latter. Well that and the fact that a Tsunami's wall of water travels roughly around 80-100mph depending on the quake and the force driving the water and it happened some 80-90 miles off the coastline, so we'd have about an hour at most. In essence, what was going to happen was going to happen and the simple fact is that there is nothing we can do to control that, exceptattempt to get high enough where we hope it wont quite catch us. No use to panic and get in peoples way, merely hope that today isnt your day. Funny though cause work was trying toa dvise us to head towards the Church of Latter Day Saints and im a Catholic. Yeah yeah, I know I dont believe but I do go to church, ocassionally confession, and I bear a cross on my chest usually, its a symbol of mankinds faith in something, even if that faith is misplaced it speaks of our ancient comitment to something greater than ourselves. Now in truth im a believer of the opposite, im a believer in the power of mankind and not of some higher being, for we have in each of us the potential to be the lords of our own creation, the creator may be a hell of a being but it is we, the creation, that is greater for the creator is who it is but we are something different, newer, better, and far superior. This is not true for all creations, but it is for us.
I was going to make some points about some of the many follys and mockerys mankind has made in spite of itself but i'd rather end on this slightly upturned note.

SVS

---TRAVELER ON HOLD FOR THE MOMENT---

2005-06-12T03:34:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "The common man is made of blood and bone, strong backs and weak minds Vedimeer. But it is we, those who dare to face the truth of the world and harness its magics and knowledge for our own that are exceptional, it is we that are made of stronger stuff of the mind." ~Lord Overon Minite I (Hearts Madness -The Overon Chronicles Volume 1-)

Well it seems we have a tenative title for the first Novel now, and no it isnt doen yet despite the fact that I said I wouldnt name it until it was done but I now have the entire thing worked out in my mind and it shouldnt be long now. I'm still looking desperately for a co-author and I think that it'll be Lips unless someone else would like to take a stab at it, remembering that whoever it is will have to be my partner, that means im not the boss im just as equal as the other person male or female. I took away the chat box there cause no one was using it often enough to warrant leaving it. If you want to leave a comment you can do so at the bottom of each post by clicking on "comments" or you can e-mail me at Quixote_Thoughts@yahoo.com. Looks like I might get promoted at work again, and I got another $00.25 raise again which puts me at about $8.50 per hour and im gonna be doin about 50+ hours at work for the next couple of weeks or so, still not workin saturdays there though.
Not sure if its the time of year, my age, something in the air, or what but man its been seeming more and more lonely lately. I handle it in stride like I do all things but it just seems to be on my mind more lately, which can sometimes be depressing. I guess that I'm lonely all of the time really but its just lately that ive been noticing it a whole hell of a lot more and knowing there isnt much I can do about it really infuriates me. Friend Sex or a one night stand wouldnt be so bad right now either, just for reference friend sex is basically friends with benefits type of relation and in my case thats FEMALE ONLY. Got nothing against being gay, just not my thing. Well I guess thats really all I have for the moment but ill be back im sure.

SVS

----Traveler Titles Will Return Later----

2005-06-09T02:19:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "...How do you measure a year in the life? How about love?...." ~Rent (1996 broadway musical by Johnathan Larson)

Hello all, I return to you now on the the dawning of what proves to be an interesting summer. At long last I prepare to leave my home, my education begins, my closest friends and I seperate and it may be for good, a 16 year search for love will soon be ground to a halt to pursue knowledge and education, and I continue to keep a secret only Mr. Happy and Lips know. I face it all with great optimism. Oh, and I take a trip to Boston to visit Starfire for what might be my last vacation for a long time. Things are changing and for once I welcome the change. Right now im working and enjoying myself. I have late dinners with friends a lot, I play D&D quite often, I go to the beach and ponder things with friends, I have a new car which I like, but somehow things just dont seem right and I have that same lonely feeling I have always had and depression gets worse everyday though I fight back. I merely keep looking forward to the horizon.
I'm hoping that sometime ill find the time to go out with friends and drink a little and dance, I havent been dancing in a long time and im really bad at it anyway but I enjoy it. Sometimes you just need to get out there and have fun without too many thoughts of love, lust, romance, loss, school, hate, or anything else that can cloud the mind from enjoying a moment in time that doesnt consist of trying to voerthink the situation and just stop you from having fun with the people your with, enjoying their company, laughing that special laugh that comes from somewhere inside you and gives you this endorphined filled feeling, I look forward to the dar when someone, friend or lover or whatever can convince me to try something new that will allow me to just sit back and smile to myself and let go of this super tight hold I have over my life. Dont get me wrong the hold I have serves me well and I can control a lot of things to make my day to day life easier and I am amply rewarded for it by life but sometimes you dont want total control and in order to relax you need to let go and take it easy without having to be so uptight all the time. Sometimes people think im too uptight, that im arrogant, or that im too serious and most of the time I just ignore it but honestly that so isnt me and the people im close too will tell you that I cna be fun, I can be very happy and an enjoyable person to be around who likes to joke and flirt but that I get too caught up in things and I tend to overdramatize a lot. SO with any luck sometime ill get a chance to just go out somewhere with friends and enjoy a night or so of simple fun. So I think thats it for tonight, no big long speeches about life and how you should live it and a limited amount of self glorification, just a simple little post tonight. G'night all.

SVS

The Travelers Eyes Returned To The Stars To Search For A New Spirit

2005-05-19T03:28:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "....You were the chosen one!!!... You were supposed to bring balance to the force not destroy it!!!...." ~Obi Wan Kinobi (Star Wars Episode II: Revenge Of The Sith)

Yep, I saw it already. Excellent movie, cant really give it enough compliments. It was everything I have ever wanted in a movie, the birth of a great and powerful evil, the corruption of the light and the rise of a shadow that soon eclipses the sun itself. But enough about that. Friends I am seeking a new co-author and it is because of something relating to balance. More and more I find that I am carrying all the weight in my novel, I have given my current co-author every chance to help produce but nothing comes of it. She ocassionally lends me a small idea here and there but ultimately does nothing and simply sits there with no thoughts at all. So now im in the amrket for a new one to share in title of auhtor and all benefits thereof. It is open to everyone, male or female, young or old but it must be a partnership that both parties contribute to the whole story. I write in fantasy as I write here. I write about power and nobility, the light and dark, corruption, betrayl, redemption of shadow, corruption of light, and all things dramatic. I need someone to help bring subtlety to all of this and to create equally powerful settings and charcters based around a brilliant storyline we create together. I can be reached at 541-290-4752, quixote_thoughts@yahoo.com Somoen for the love of the gods help with this. You need not have writing experience, you dotn even have to have read a fantasy story, although it would help, if you have one creative bone in your body that you want to develop and mold, if you have a vision of a great epic then bring it to me, let us develop it together.

SVS

The Traveler Continued To Face Down And Shout At The Heavens

2005-05-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "Into the depths of madness we go, never stopping to consider if its healthy. We know only that we must and that are other concerns are tantamount to knowledge." ~Anonymous

I gotta say, that anonymous guy is 100 times popular than any other auhtor out there, must be gettin buko royalties by now. Dont ask me what exactly that means, kinda got to assume it was directed at something specific but I think we might garner from it that there is a point at which wanting something badly, something of a nature like knowledge, leads to insanity and obessesion and thats not always a bad thing. But take from it what you will.
So have I mentioned how much I hate my job lately? Its not really the work itself precisely, though that is a part of it, its more the enviroment and the ideals behind the work. To a lesser degree its some of the people involved with that work but not so much as past jobs. The principals behind it are simple, its greed and worse yet its greed hidden behind this mask of idealism that attempts to justify itself through things like "...we are providing quality customer service to our client and its customers, thereby providing and atmosphere of quality satisfaction.". I hate everything about that statement because it takes something that is horrible and ugly and tries to justify and make it beautiful, for me all it does is further prove that it is so horrible and so ugly that not even clever words and incredible stretches of justification cant help its image. But what can I say? Its corporate America, corporate any coutnry really but this is the one I live in so I have a better understanding of this one. Yeah im a conservative but I dont hold true to that label 100% of the time. Not overly fond of liberals and their ideals that they have this outlook that makes for a more moral and "equal" world but I'm not fond of the rampant greed that is so obviously seen in the conservative groups, (liberals have that greed to but they dont show it as well as the conservatives).
Lips, buddy, I know exactly how you feel. Its hard to balance school, work, and a social life, especially when you want the social part of it more than anything else somedays. Kidna wish I could honestly say that somehow I know its gonna get better and that all you have to do is be patient but I dont really believe that and im not one to say things I dont believe in unless im at work. I think that part of the reason we feel so.......shall we say frustrated and bound by our social situation is that somewhere we got the idea that this "social" promiscuity and need for a constant companion of a romantic nature is the norm. I'm not saying its not but I am saying that its possible that this is just an idea that was somehow ingrained into us perhaps by society or our own idealism and that with enough effort and concentration we can push past it or at least hold it off for the time being. I'd like to be more help here but unfortunately its something we all just have to hope gets better or solves itself and there is no garuntee of either happening.
So I was re-thinking my goal in life last night and im proud to say that I still very very much want to be a professor of Creative Writing and English Literature as well as a writer. Well to be hoenst I am a writer, just not a widely known one yet. I was thinking about what I might tell my students, other than the mechanics of both subjects, and I think that its important that I be honest with them. What would I tell a student who wants to be a writer for a career? Do it, if you think you have something to offer a large audience that would ensnare their minds and keep their eyes on your pages then by all means go for it but realize that every year the writers audience gets shorter and its becoming very competitive for readers among writers these days and you should have a secondary career that makes you just as happy with life. Ultimately if you write one poem then your already a writer but the true difference in what most people consider to be a writer is that the popular definition is a writer who writes then shares his or her writings with the world in an open and readily accessible forum by anyone who cares to read your work. The other type of writer is the one who writes and never shares it, there is nothing wrong with that and sometimes some things arent meant to be shared they are merely meant to be written and brought to life on a page.
To a literature student what would I say? Well literature isnt so much about reading and memorizing facts about authors dead and alive, its more about reading anything you can get your hands on and considering its various meanings. Why was it written? Who wrote it? What type of person were they? When did they write it? How long did it take them to write it? Did they want to write it or did they NEED to write it? Did have a point, if so what, if not then why write it? Did they believe what they wrote? Did they have anything to gain by writing it? Was there a risk in writing it? Is it acceptable for the time it was written in? What sex was the writer? What is the auhtors race? Did either of the previous questions have any bearing on what they wrote? Were they writing it for someone? Who were they writing it for? Was the author religious? Did that have any bearing on the writing? These are important questions because the better you understand the answers then the better you understand the writing itself and the many motivations behind it. Well thats it for now.

SVS

The Traveler Looked Up At The Heavens And Simply Yelled His Frustration

2005-05-11T00:32:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "Anywhere you go, let me go to. Christine, thats all I ask of you" ~The Phantom (Andrew Lloyd Webers 'Phantom Of The Opera')

Evening friends, its been a bit since the last post I suppose. Id like to say that its because ive been busy or that I've had a lot to think about and couldnt find the time or energy to write here but it simply wouldnt be true. I cant even say that I've been too depressed to write. Rather I havent written because I found myself caught up too much in reality, a place I've often despised. I go to work, come home, get up in the morning and exercise when I can. I suddenly found myself in a place I have dreaded, complacity. I work in a cubicle damnit!!! I cannot tell you accurately how much I loathe my job, I hate knowing that what I do doesnt do ANYONE!!! any good whatsoever, that I a merely one of thousands who all do the same damn thing and not one of us truly does it any better than the other. I hate that I even started putting that job first above things id rather do in life. Money is one thing but my sanity and my pride are not for sale. I hate this place, this very hole of a void in the world. The people here are complacent and cowed, they feel so very little and know nothing of the greatness of the world around them. I was looking up on something, a memory and a thought of something long ago and I had a yearning to reach out to it, to listen to it unconditionally until it was done speaking because at the moment that I was looking at it I was feeling weak. I felt sorrow for it because I know the power and the passion that lies within, then the memory of what had happened returned I remembered that nothing so vile and nothing so undeserving of happiness will ever hold my sway again, ever bare witness to my weakest moments and be given full access to my counsel.
No, for my passion has returned and I am whole once more. My time here is quickly coming to an end and my journey to more is beggining. Rest assured that all the things that have come before and gone unanswered will return to haunt those that have wronged me and I alone will be their judge and pronounce their sentence and deal their punishment personally. To all those who know that my ire holds a special place for them, pray that I never fulfill my true potential because if I do I swear to you that I will return here and with every resource I have access to I will make sure that you feel the full weight of the misery life can bring. You will know poverty, you will know lonliness, and every immoral and illegal thing you have ever done will return to haunt you and ultimately bring you down. You are already beneath me but given time the rest of the world will see you for who you truely are, enjoy your time until then.
Was that a bit dramatic? Yes it was, but it is also true. Life is meant to be dramatic, we are not meant to be so lack luster as we often are. Good God half of you people are so dull, so undramatic that id be very much surprised to learn that you have enouch passion in all your mind to so much as ever show any of it. Who ever told you that its wrong to show that you arent dead yet, that you arent allowed to pledge your love to someone in a public forum or tell an enemy that they will rue the day they met you? This isnt wrong, this is life, this is how we are meant to be, we are not animals that have limits to the things they show. We are humanity and that carries a ring of passionate nobility with it. If you are angry then shout and yell it out so that everyone knows, if your in love then let the person know and fuel the flames of their passion as well, and if your happy then smile and do somethign to celebrate that happiness. If only we had stereos to play theme music for our moods. Think of all the organ music we would hear when someone is holding great amounts of dramatic anger in them, or how oftne the Vader March would play, how trumpets and bells would play to annouce the declaration of love, how many times at night we would hear Lady In Red or some various love song as two people realize their passion for each other. How grandeous would breakups be if they could only be put to music. Perhaps that a project to hink about for later. In fact that is somethign you should all do. Pick one or two songs for every emotion you feel in a day and play them for someone and let them guess what kind of day you had. And as im sure some of you are wondering, what would a typical day be like for Lord Shawn? Well there would be at least one song from The Phantom Of The Opera and then various things of little note during the day but then at night you would hear things like O'Fortuna, Colonne Sonore, Cannon in D, 'Come Fly With Me', 'I Need A Hero', and of course 'The Way You Look Tonight'. Perhaps 'Learn To Be Lonely' a bit too often but we all ahve our hangups I suppose. For now goodnight and learn to be passionate, learn to express yourself as you were emant to do. Oh and remember all great civilizations are built ont he back of slaves and serfs.

SVS

The Traveler Knelt In Prayer, Reflection On The Times Past

2005-04-05T00:16:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived." ~Margaret Mitchell

Ok, I dont really know the author here but I do tend to agree with her. Taking what I know now to what I once believed, yeah I remember happier and better times where as some of the worse times and arguments I dont remember so well. I still talk about those good time with fondness and elaborate, happy memory. I dont dilude myself into thinking that something simplere could ever begin again, something that is fair to both, I dont want to make ammends or try and piece something so broken and shattered back together. God knows it was worth it and every bit of bad time is outwieghed massively by the good but it wouldnt be worth it to try and mend it. There would be jealousy, we would always have something nasty to use against one another, and no matter how hard we tried we'd get mad at one another for something and the war would be worse and the wounds deeper. This journal started because of her and I can honestly be thankful for that, its never been in me to hate for a long time, I cant hold it that long, eventually it fades away and becomes forgotten. In many way I suceeded in what I set out to do, I forgot the worst parts of her and now all that remains are memories of joy and some foggy memories of anger and a few old scars. No warrior should ever walk away from the battlefield without a scar because it means he wasnt fighting for all that he is worth and he has no honor, I have many scars and I intend to have more from other battles. Respect even your enemy, they deserve your appreciation because you deserve theirs. I treasure every worthy opponenent I have ever had just as much as every great allie because in the end I learned from both. There is a quote, I dont remember the author, but I have held it to be true for as long as I can remember "The difference between a friend and an enemy if that a friend stabs you in the front". Sometimes you lose friends because of it, but at least you know they did it for your own good. I hope She knows that I ran my blade through her front and never through her back just as she did for me, I saw the blade plunge into my stomach and for that im thankful. We inflicted deadly wounds on each other but we both lived and we faced each others eyes when we did it, we never stabbed one another in the back. I did have a friend lodge a knife in my back once, and while she put one through myf ront and cried he put it through my back and never even frowned and I knew him longer. THe funny part is that her I lost, him I still have, anyone have a trade offer? No? Eh, I dont blame ya.

SVS

A Wicked Smile, The Travelers Sword Was Sharp And He Was Experienced With It. But Storm Clouds Gather Ahead

2005-04-04T02:22:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance" ~Oscar Wilde

Mr. Wilde is a man full of useful information and truths. But here I am not so sure. After thinking about it a bit I suppose I will consent to this being another one of his profound truths, though it should not be taken for its precise wording but rather the implication fo the proper wording. What I believe he is saying is that men want to believe that even though their love may have been with other men before, he is her only "true" love whereas women can be a bit more flexible in their dillusions about their man. Women instead want to believe that even though her man may have loved others, she is his last love and that in the end is all that matters. Of course neither belief is totally healthy, romantic yes but not healthy. I will take time here to point out that I am speaking ONLY of heterosexual romance and love because that is whom I cater to and, for the moment, who I am. This should not in the least deter a homosexual person from taking truths from this blog but one should realize the audience it is being primairly written for. So, to get back on track, is it healthy to believe you are the world in which your lover lives? The blunt and totally ture answer is "NO!!!". However we are imperfect, flawed, emotional, loving, breathing, thinking human beings and not everything we do is healthy. Is it "ok" to think this way? Absolutely, for love is beautiful, warm, and should fill you from top to bottom with joy when you think of yourself as your lovers light and world in which they love only for you and you for them. Do I support over romantiscizing life and love to the fullest extent of the imagination? Damned right I do, there are complicated reasons why but the short explanation is because I worship Love like many people do God. To those Christians and other believers out there, God is NOT, I repeat NOT, love. There are aspects of love in religion and parts of it in your creation but Love is an entity all its own, it is not your mythical god, do not get my belief confused with your own.
I am taking this part here to stop anyone from reading onward if they are easily offended by their sexual preference or do not want to hear some slight negativity towards homosexualism. In no way do I wish to outwardly offend anyone and I preach nothing but tolerance and harmony towards all beliefs and preferances. Stop here if you cannot handle your preference coming under some attack.
That being said, I am going to talk about my BELIEF about homsexuality. To me, there is no greater slap in the face of almighty nature and Love in its most primal form then homsexuality. Does this mean I believe it to be "wrong"? Not in the least, but I do believe that the love sparked between a male and female relationship and that of a male-male or female-female relationship is anything near the same. Millions of years of nature, isntinct, the formation of galactic and worldly natures have come together to instigate the mating of male and female creatures, nature has gone so far as to make them biologically compatible. Every creature in nature has this instinctual drawing towards one anothers opposite sex up until the development of natures most gloriouss, yet blasphemous, creation, that of Humanity. This creature, much like a young teenager of its own race, chooses to be purposely defiant against its parents of Nature and Love and actually chooses to mate with the same sex in some cases. Defying millions of years of nature, emotional magnetic attraction created by the forces that shaped the cosmos truly empowers the human creature. Humans defy their parents this way to let them know that they can make their own choices. If all humanity did this though we would commit mass genocide of a kind. As we delve deeper into humanit individuals do it for different reasons. Some openly defy their human parents by doing it, some do it to be different, other for social reasons and most importantly some do it because it is the way they feel. The last reason is the only once I consider to be acceptable, feelign without explanation. If you do it because you have had too many bad experiences with women or men then you are nothing more than subject to the whims of the world and your own confusion and need someoen to take care of you because you are NOT self sufficient. But to those who feel for no reason, that is a beauty of its own. This doesnt justify it in the eyes of nature or Love but it is an excellent reason. So, how is the love not the same? The love between male and female is biological, emotional, historical, and natural. All those things serve to strengthen that bond and help to solidify it, whereas homosexual love is purely emotional, not one bit natural, humanitairly historical, or biological. This doesnt lessen the bond, it just makes it different and aloof from its mighty cousin. For my own purposes I will refer to the love between male and female as "true love" and the homsexual love as "Dissentious Love" (it means "defiant", basically). Though the moon shines bright and strong sometimes it has no comparison to the light that is the sun, it doesnt hold the same luminesent strength or warmth and indeed shines only because of the sun behind it but the light of the moon is not to be discounted as soemthing uniquely beautiful and wonderful, such is the nature of dissentious love in comparison to true love. Make no mistake though, dissentious love is a man made creation, born of mans defiance against his creators. But we are allowed our defiance, it is what makes us the unsurpassed masters of the planet, perhaps one day of the stars and it is why god and all his angels fear us and tremble in heaven. Through decisions we are amde more powerful than the gods because we are fickle and can turn upon thema t any moment or praise them for their gift of life to us and all they can do is sit and watch as the rising tide of humanity takes hold of the stars and begin to reach out into the universe seeking their creators for either worship or revenge. Dont believe me? Get your own damned blog and write about it then.

SVS

The Traveler Felt The Need To Practice With His Newly Honed Sword

2005-04-02T00:13:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "And beauty is a form of genius.... is higher, indeed, than genius, as it needs no explanation. It is of the great facts of the world, like sunlight, or springtime, or the reflection in the dark waters of that silver shell we call the moon . It cannot be questioned. It has its divine right of sovereignty. It makes princes of those who have it." ~Oscar Wilde from The Picture of Dorian Gray

Never a truer phrase has ever been spoken, our Mr. Wilde was a man with unsurpassable talent for the pen. A great part of me idolizes Oscar Wilde because those that have read his works know precisely how over romanticized his writing is and how wonderful it is for that same reason. A lot of people tend to ignore those ancient romantic ways because they say that it gets you no where or that it is a lost art. Is is also said that in the face of rising equality, notions like chivalry, romantiscism, and what was once called "gentlmanly ways" are now termed inequal treatment, a "degrading" of the stature of a woman, and most heinous of all it is a homage to the subserviance of a woman unto a man. These liberal feminists have had their equal say in the matter, they have told us all what they believe and what they think about the matter and we must respect their opinions........ however, I have not yet had my say on the matter and I do intend to spell out my thoughts, beliefs, and the very facts of the matter. First off we switch to true red text because, as we all know, red is the color of passion, love, violence, and untameable strength. Second of all let us first know the nature of our enemy, those who degrade the ancient ways of romance and speak blasphemy against our lady of love. These liberal feminists are those who are TRULY un-equal to anyone elese because so terrible is their hate of themselves and what a woman is that they seek to try and blidn the world around them to whatever smattering of beauty that might be left within them and without them. The ideals of feminism do have a place in the world for too long woman WAS subservient to men in THIS country, but now women make just as much if not more pay than their male counterparts (although this is not 100% accurate all the time but it is better than what it once was) and women serve in government and all facets of great corporations. Women actors and singers have just as big a name as any man. However still the feminist Nazi's who championed great causes like the right to vote and equal pay now turn their attentions to the social facets of life. Now they lay siege to the fortresses of romance and seek to eradicate a romantic sentiment that has been around since before they were born. Why is it considered a threat to a womans equality when a man opens a door for her? What causes this notion in the minds of our female counterparts? Idiocy, moronic idealism, and a lack of common sense. We men are nto seeking to eradicate the equality of a woman when we open a door for her, rather we are raising her above our own heads so that the world may appreciate her better. Think about this, we know you can open the damned door, but we do it for you so that we might admire you more and show our appreciation of the fact that you are alive and well within the same world that we too occupy, this isnt an insult this is a form of great appreciation and one of the greater ways to truly give you equality. For those of you who really want to dive down and fight with me on this, yes I did say that WE "give" it to you because like it or not this entire world WAS once male dominated and while you fight for a lot of equality some of it MUST be given otherwise it is not TRULY equality, much like freedom equality must be given as well as taken. Chivalry is NOT a way of controlling a woman it is a way of appreciating her, whether she is a close friend or an unkown stranger. Most men do not feel the need to constantly control the women around them, rather most men feel the need to obey the women around them. In my generation the larger percentage of males were raised by either their mothers or other female presences. Women who choose to stay at home and raise their children and take care fo their home and family instead of having a career in some business are sacrificing NOTHING because being a mother and a woman who wishes to dedicate herself to ehr family is NOT an easy task and anyone who degrades a woman for choosing home over an office knows so little of the world and their own place in it that he or she barely deserves to live in it. Women have far more rights in this country than they realize, but they must also realize that we cannot ever be truly equal for it is a fact of medical nature that men CANNOT bare children and men do not ovulate therefore in true equality we are not. In the interest of fostering peace and trying to show my fair hand I turn my righteous gaze toward men. More so than that I am going to specifically single out one man as a testament to the iron clad force of balance in the world. This one man embodies everything that feminism stands against and his attitude toward women is so apalling that even I have to simply look away because I cannot stand him in that respect. I speak simply of Private Jackass, who shall now be called (because of promotion due to being a better tool of the murders we call war in the United States Army) Specialist Jackass. Our friend Jackass seems to see women as objects of pleasure and living sexual art. While this is ocassionally acceptable in the right situations he bears little respect for women unless he knows them personally and even then it is not always so because when they are out of hearing distance they suddenly become reffered to as "a piece of hot ass I enjoyed tapping" a direct quote from the Specialist. Men like this degrade the entire male society. There is no honor, no bravery, no intelligence of any kind in these men because they act the way they do because, like the Nazi femininsts, they feel no self worth and indeed they are worth very little anyway. Jackass is a friend of mine, a close and personal friend but I can see his behavior for what it is and I learned long ago to not condone or support his actions despite the long standing nature of our friendship. That being said I continue onwards. So what is it about these men that cause them to view women as nothing more than sexual meat and assume all women harbor great amounts of promiscuity? I can only deduce that this behavior is derived from the parents, specifically the nature of the father and the acts of the mother. In the case of Specialist Jackass its hard to say because I know only the polite and geneial sides of his parents and know little of their more private natures. But rest assured that we intelligent honorable men see these others as disgraces of humanity. Their ways of thinking are old and archaic, barbaric and totally without a smidgeon of honor or loyalty to themselves. These men are the same who constantly cheat on their girlfriends, wives, or what have you. These men are the same who sleep with the females that are the objects of their friends affections and then see no harm in it. We great men of intellect and honor do not harbor these others, indeed we damn them away from our minds. Again Jackass is one of my oldest friends but when it comes to romance and honor he has little and indeed Horse Boy has more in his hand than Jackass has in his whole body. Here is an interesting fact though, these dishonorable disgraces of male society care very little for the respectability or honor of women unless it coems to their mothers, than they defend them till vicotry or death. Why? Hard to say but I would suspect that it is because they secret away Freudian feelings for their mothers and hold them as the only valuable women in their lives. So what conclusion do we draw from this? We see that feminists and "macho" men are in actuality the same type of personality. Both have little worth and both have ideas that the truly intelligent person finds laughable and stupid, especially when these ideas are put into action in reality, than we truly see how inoperable these archaic and stupid beliefs really are when put to test. Our conclusion can be sumed up as being said that equality comes from appreciation and not alienation of the opposite sex. Instead of standing off against one another, glorify one another. More importantly we learn that romance is just a form of glorification, a much more personal and greater form, that chivalry is a glorification of a woman by a man, and that enlightenment holds no place for feminists or the "dominant macho man".
Now I realize I may have a mixed audience of varying opinions that are different from mine own and that perhaps some of this may have been interpreted as offensive or even rude so I feel it my honorbound duty to say that.................................deal with it you stupid whiners, this is my page, my time, and you came here WILLINGLY, you kept reading of your own volition and NOTHING is stopping you from pushing the "X" in the corner of the page but yourself. Please address all complaints, concerns, ideas, and notions that you think you have a better understanding of anything I say than I do to either Quixote_Thoughts@yahoo.com or the dark lord of hell when you get there. Have a pleasent evening :-)

SVS

In His Medatative State Thoughts Of Starships Lingered On The Travelers Mind

2005-04-01T00:39:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Females and finances dont mix"
~Rule Of Acquisicion #94

I couldnt agree more, woman+money=trouble and woman+large sums of money=disaster. Then you have woman+man+money=big problems, but most importantly of all man+large sum of money / woman= bankruptcy. Ok, ok this is 100% true but in a lot of cases it does hold true. Of course men have their fare share of financial problems but I am a man and this is MY blog so ill just ignore that and not talk about that side of it. No, im not kidding I really am going to ignore it, this isnt an essay and I definately dont have to be fare or cater to both sides. For those of you who havent noticed, and I know at least 1 of you have, I've been using Star Trek quotes a lot. Why? Well mostly because I love Star Trek, and yeah im a bit of a trekkie, I have Trek ringtones on my cell phone (541-290-4752).
So lately Ive felt somewhat inspired to do more writing, although it hasnt been on my novel its been for poetry. And ill eventually post the poetry in the archives but for now ill just slap them in here for the time being. So without further ado I give you two new poems, handcrafted by yours truly.
Moses Cries

In winters fire the heavens bloomed,
life radiated its blessed gift upon the world,
but in our garden of forever we sought escape.
Though the path be long, and the price terrible,
we planted within ourselves the fruit of damnation
and it grew stronger each day obscuring our eyes,
for its flowers are heavily pollinated and we all have its allergy.
There are those who speak of saviors from above
or pledge to those below for salvation but…….
it is we few who know the truth,
the truth of the power within each of us.
Not some ancient faith, or prayer to beings beyond
but a belief in ourselves, salvation through self redemption.
Unto our fellows we must pledge our faith, together as one race
so that the universe may tremble at our mighty feet,
the very cosmos bend to the singular will of our individuals.
Place your faith not in your creator, or on your judge.
Instead place it in who and what you are so you may lift us all.

Shawn V. Stengar March 30th, 2005

The Freedom Of Religion

We are gathered here today to pay tribute,
tribute to a fallen comrade, but mostly to a friend
Here, on his field of battle, we lay him to rest
mindful of the joy he brought to us in life,
mindful of the joy he brings our hearts even in death,
and especially mindful of his sacrifice for us.
Saddened are we, not by his loss, but by our loss of him
for he now knows no pain, no sorrow.
Indeed today is a great day for him
for today his energy is given back unto our earth,
his body returned to the soil from whence it came,
and the wisdom of his mind released to the cosmos.
Parts of him live on in our memories and in our hearts
These pieces of him in each of us form a whole,
so that he is never truly gone until we are.
So long as each of us live, so to does he.
Treasure yourselves and give glory to all mankind,
ignore your gods, for it is we that truly how sway,
and command the forces of life and death.
For so long as even one of us lives
then none truly die and we are immortal,
everlasting in our own grace,
free from the shackles of our gods.

Shawn V. Stengar March 31st, 2005

So there you are, my newest creations. You can always find my other works on Http://www.poetry.com under Shawn Stengar Theres other works on there that I may or may not have posted before. Enjoy if you want. If you want to give CONSTRUCTIVE critiscm on my COPYRIGHTED works then please do so by addressing your comments to Shawn V. Stengar at Quixote_Thoughts@yahoo.com I really do welcome CONSTRUCTIVE critiscm, and of course I always welcome glowing praise. Well goodnight all, time for bed again.

SVS

Now The Traveler Sat In Deep Thought, Meditating For The Long Road Ahead

2005-03-30T00:38:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Mr. Spock the women on your planet are logical. That's the only planet in the galaxy that can make that claim" James Tiberius Kirk (Elaan Of Troyius)

Mmmm, I cant help but agree here. Seldom do you find a woman who is the least bit logical in her true nature. Not that im complaining, I love an illogical woman, makes the arguments more entertaining, the flirting more lively, and......well some things are better left to the imagination. I think this evening friends our post will be all about the glorification of women. Some guys love timid, shy women who draw their gaze without having too try. Other guys enjoy women who are bold but subtle, some prefer light of the mind and heavy in the chest. But what does your Lord Shawn like? Most people automatically guess that I prefer shy, light of the mind, and heavy of the chest. I cannot help but fin this more laughable, although understandable due to the fact that my last intrest was DEFINATELY light of the mind and somewhat chesty. However, I prefer bold, intelligent, clever, subtle, witty, and sarcastic. Many of you know about my preference for redheads but that definately isnt a requirement since reheads generally arent subtle, clever, and usually fair of intelligence. Although that not 100% true. Now I have nothing against the gay community, I really dont but I dont think I could ever truly be gay. Not because I have some archaic notion of some stupid notion of it being morally wrong but rather I am so in awe of the female form, the veryd esign of women. Ahh well im off to bed.

SVS

Tonight The Traveler Sharpened The Steel Of His Vorpral Blade, Again Preparing For The Journey Ahead

2005-03-29T01:55:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Nobody understands you in this century unless you swear every other word. You'll find it in all the literature of the era: Jackelyn Susann, the novels of Harrold Robbins." -James Tiberius Kirk

Ahh, too true. It seems the younger generations of this world, mine included, seem to be pre-occupied with swearing in order to convey a point. Its like the man said "...and good authors too, who once knew better words, now only use four letter words...." (Frank Sinatra- Anything Goes). But what causes this pre-occupation and slander/abuse of the language? Rebellion against polite and acceptable society, rebellion against religon, rebellion against the older generations, basically just pick a reason. But these days its perpetuated by TV, Movies, Books, magazines, everything around us. But rather than fight it I say f*%k it and accept it now as a part of the culture. What I really wanted to do tonight was rant about religion and Christianity. But after arguing with someone about it tonight who A) doesnt know his history, B) his science, C) or even his Bible its kinda put me off a little. Its ridiculous really, he is the type of guy who is nice and kind and all but says shit like "gays go against gods will and they are commiting vulgar evil acts of perversion", or calls them "fags", or says sterotypical things about mid-eastern cultures and such. It drives me insane that these people are so vain and confident in their beliefs that they have the first and last say in what is evil and what isnt. The fact they believe in pure forms of good and evil speaks of how mornonic they truly are. Evil or Good both have no known pure forms. Although I disagree about some of the behavior of gay rights activists I dont for one moment believe they are evil or impure or perverted in nature. I support the right to choose your sexual preference, a woman right to choose what to do with her body, an individuals rights to choose and pay for sex change operations. If there is a god, I sure dont believe he would be so petty as to deny a person access to heaven because of their sexual preference. I have gay male friends, gay female friends, and I cant ever imagine hating them for their choices, its not even in me to think of their choice as anything but natural because thats the way I was raised to beleive, that people are people no matter their choices. I have friends from all different religions; Wiccan, Christian, Muslim, Buddahist, The Followers Of Lucifer (ask me about it sometime), Catholic, Jewish, and probably a few I've forgotten. But this guy I soemtimes talk to is one of those ignorrant christians who dont even know their own belief very well much less be able to pick apart someone elses. I for one find the Bible to be fascinating, mostly the old testament. Mostly I ignore beliefs in other religions I worship only the light of Love and the beauty of Life. Personally im mostly straight, I love Women. The very nature of women, their way of being and generally everything about them stirs the passionate chords within me. I acknowledge that men too have their own uniqueness, men have a certain sculpted art to them, a muscle physique you dont usually find in women, certainly a macho confidence that is uinque primairly to males. But I choose to be attracted to women, having an intimate knowledge of both sides helps though. I firmly believe that our society is progressing to a more accepting way of being. Well its off to bed again, take care and goodnight.

SVS

The Traveler Readied His Armor, Ready To Soon Put In On For Defence In The Long Journey Ahead

2005-03-28T01:28:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Losing family helps us to find our family. Not necessarily the family that is our blood, but the family that may become our blood." William Forrester (Finding Forrester-2000)

Well apologies that I havent been writing much, not really a whole lot to say or tell at the moment. Little tired of self glorification at the moment too, so that kinda limits our forum here doesnt it? lol, really just looking forward to sometime off after this next term. Hoping to take a week and go camping in the eastern part of the great redneck sandbox that is Oregon. Id like to go with a bunch of close friends but even if its just me and just oen of them id be happy cause I just want to go camping, its something I enjoy doing, its relaxing for me. I want to go hike around Fort Rock and just enjoy myself without worries for a bit. Believe it or not this much is taking a loooooong time to write. Well its off to bed for the remainder of the night.

SVS

The Traveler Could Nearly See The Border Of His Homeland Ahead And Smiled As He Prepared To Cross It

2005-03-13T23:49:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Dont try to be a great man, just be a man and let history make its own judgments." - Zefram Chocrane

Finally friends we are coming near the great turning point, the portal to the mighty beyond, our steps into the world echo with greatness. At last the last trimester here at SOCC in little North Bend has arrived. Beyond this last segment lies the a summer for thought, a time when one must make his appeal to his gods to oversee the future in which he himself will be made a god and ascend to greatness. As always, knowledge is my future but there is something else ahead of me, a shadow that obscures my sight. For the first time I am free of all ties that bind me here. The last one severed leaving me open to the world around me. TIll now I have lingered in this place, haunting the remains of somethjing I did not want to let go of, but now the bonds are cut, my future free, the Traveler nears the border of his homeland and prepares to cross it at last into the trackless expanse of hte world beyond. However some will never know this freedom and we who are about set out to conquer and subjigate this world in our own name salute Her and Her kind. May she never leave this squallid hell hole and forever be bound to it for the crimes of immorality, stupidity, and bad judgment, with Her Wonderboy will also forever stay Ive no doubt. He too is a casulty of a war fought by your great Lord Shawn, in truth he was slave to my will and servant to my mind. But him I pitty, it was an acident that he was lost so, that he was reducded to little more than a sad whimpering hump of humanity. He was made so because I drained him of any intelligence and usefulness to the world. She was conquered by my sheer will, I had a great fondness for her but like all those who do not understand greatness she fled in fear and fled directly into a hole which she cannot escape. My forces have left the field and the fighting is done, now it is time to move on and conquer the next foe. Ashland and her people shall be next, though I come for knowledge now and not war, though I may well find it in some. This Lord and his forces hail to the conservatives who are constantly besieged in that little town and we go to drive back the liberals, perhaps we may restore morality after all.

SVS

Again, The Traveler Began His Long Journey, Turning His Attention Towards Other Things

2005-03-04T13:08:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "We may believe all we wish but truth will always be." ~anonymous

Belief can be a funny thing, sometimes a totally rational intelligent person can take something simply and obvious and twist it completely around so that it fits their purpose. We know this to be true because we have seen it many many times in the past. Numerous religious groups have that human ability to their advantage both in present and in the past, and no doubt in the future. Nazi Germany was masterful at it, it turned it into a veritable art. Politicians are Rembrandts of this art. But these are just examples of how it is used in a less than positive way. But before I keep going there is one thing you must remember, that for good or bad this is a form of deception meant to deceive the listeners into believing something that is NOT true. So, where else is this deception used? You might be surprised. Liberals often use this deception when trying to pull upon your heart strings so that you will give your support in pulling down companies that truly are NOT violating law, violating morals and ethics? Definitely but not the law. What exactly are we talking about here? Sweatshops, places where people are payed ridiculous wages in exchange for long days of grueling work. Is this morally right? No. Is this ethically right? No. Is it lawfully wrong in the countries where they do it? No. If this was in the United States it would be against our laws but the fact that they do it in countries that allow it means that they do not violate one single law because they are NOT enslaving anyone. Liberals will try and tell you that this is slavery, its not. So long as the person is payed even a fraction of a penny then it is defined as payment. The difference between trade and slavery is choice, so long as there is a choice it is not slavery. Liberals are masterful at trying to make you look at everything but the simple truth. Yes it’s a horrible choice to not work and starve yourself and possibly family but scavenging for food but it is a choice. The fact that you do not FEEL you cannot afford that CHOICE doesn’t change the meaning of it, it doesn’t take away that option, it simply means you do not WANT to take that choice. Now its not true that they deceive us on purpose, the fact is that some of them actually believe what they’re saying, and its not hard to see how they might not be able to face the truth. Some of them do do it on purpose and its not always easy to tell which is doing it for what reason. Liberals aren’t limited to this either, conservatives have a reputation for doing it too. The reason why I feel the need to focus on the liberals this evening is because they are the ones who protest more innocence and caring. How much can you care if you deceive so much?

SVS

His Sword Bloodied, The Traveler Sat Down Against A Tree On The Edge Of A Great Field

2005-03-04T01:59:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Do you believe in destiny? That even the powers of time can beordered for a single purpose?" ~Dracula (Bram Stokers: Dracula, 1992)

Well I'm back, more or less, a little brusied and bloodied from the preverbial fields of battle but Ive survived and lived to fight another day. Did I retreat? No, I can honestly say I stood my ground, fought, and gave it my all until a silence settled over the battlefired. Was I victorious? Well, sometimes in war there is no victor, both sides simply lose resources and end up ceasing to fight and go home, such is the case here. I lost a lot but so did the other side. So where does that leave your glorious Lord? I'm a Lord who is tired of fighting for the moment, though that doesnt mean I wouldnt stand up and fight again if I had to. Love, my friends, is truly a battlefield, no matter hwo corny that is it is completely accurate. For now I leave that field of battle and fall back with my remaining forces to heal wounds, get rest, and perhaps get a new perspective. The only thing worse than losing a battle is not winning it but not losing it either. As always my allies were waiting just behind the drawn lines, waiting to offer comfort and support. But we cannot hope to forever rely upon them for they too fight their own battles across the fields of eternity. When they say that love is a battlefield its true but it should also be explained that love is only a battlefied, life is the war we fight and we fight against death and unhappiness. The point of the battle with love is to fight as hard as possible and, depending upon who your are, to either win, lose, or join forces. If you win you end up dominating the other person thorughout life, if you lose then you are dominated, but for me I seek an alliance to combine my forces and their so that together we can forge ahead in the war together. In the case of friends, they are merely allies, but when you join with someone in the battle of love you are more than allies you are one whole force. Right now I am Lord Shawn and I stand alone on the fields of eternity facing down my enemys with wavering honor, and failing courage. I seek an ally to bolster my forces and my strength. There are very very very few of us who can stand alone in this war and live to a natural age, we simply do not have the strength to varry on without another, our strength fails and we lose our mettle. And yes, it must be a female ally, for me men dont hold what I need. I tend to believe that most of us seek the opposite sex because it is the combination of the two sexes that form together to make a more perfect union, a coupling that enables both to bear the weight of the world because they each have unique talents that help. With a same sex alliance its different you merely bolster what you already have instead of forming something new, and theres nothing wrong with that, its merely a choice. I'm far more interested in creating something new and different than bolstering what I already have. I know what men are like, and its great to be a man but I wouldnt want to live with one forever and share each portiong of my life with one. Instead I find that women hold much more appeal but I do not discredit those who choose the same sex, blessings to all and to each one for just making a choice can be the hardest thing in life.
My apologies for not posting sooner but theres been a lot I had to think about and I really did feel like being alone, I still do a little, but I figured it had been long enough. Unfortunately I have also found that relying upon various friends to carry through with things that might have made me feel a little better and perhaps given them something in return can be hopeless. I dont feel badly towards any one particular friend, its just that actually relying on some of them is something I cant apparently do.

SVS

The Foe Beaten And The Harlot Exposed For All To See The Traveler Forged Ahead Head Held Proudly Up

2005-01-30T19:27:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "It is said an eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him with the words, 'And this, too, shall pass away.' How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!" ~Abraham Lincoln

Truly an inspiring quote from one of the Nations greatest leaders. Thank to all and to each one of the many of you who sent me e-mail in the last few days to tell me how much you support me and how I should let all this nastiness pass, although a few of you were a little harsh in calling Her the names that you did I do agree with you this time and I will not chastize you for it. Most importantly I must do something before I go on with my entry here. Dalamar, I express to you my most sincere apologies but even more so to your wonderful girlfriend. On my knees I apologize and ask forgiveness, sometimes we blind ourselves to truths we dont like. Both of you were MORE than right, especially about that persons acting ability LOL, truly did stink didnt it? Ahh well I hope we can let it be water under the bridge. In truth your girlfriend fits into her clothing just fine and it was Her that bulges out the bottom LOL, you were right about that. Friends all of you were amazingly supportive, I have not recieved even ONE e-mail saying I wasnt totally right in what I said and not one saying anything in her defence. It seems you are all intelligent persons and im happy to have each one of you as readers. In the coming months ahead we will begin to move on with things and get back to exploring ideas and thoughts. But there are others I must address first. Starfire and Starlight the two of you are some of my most staunch supporters I thank you both for that, I bow to the genius of two brilliant women, my betters in life. Lips, you were right all along about her. LMAO Even Wonderboy had her pegged. All of you have my full support in continuing to call me on stupid rash decisions made mroe from the pelvis than the brain LOL. Oh, before I go on, to Her, and she knows who she is as well as any of her supporters, of so very very few there are that are Harlots or tramps of her own kind, you may want to remove your eyes and thoughts from this page, here I rule and here I tolerate only those that I like, all others know how to close the window. That said we move on. I will be back later this week to give you some new thoughts, updates, maybe some more pics when I get them developed. Oh my apologies to those of you viewing the Galleria, I had to remove certain picture because they made me gag looking at them ;-)
SVS

For The First TIme The Traveler Took Out His Righteous Sword And Raised It In True Defence

2005-01-28T22:28:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Angels and ministers of grace defend us" -anonymous

Ok, no excuses here and no reasons why I should let go of any foolish thoughts about defence of those who "seem" innocent. It was more than "innocent" shoulder rubs you cheap piece of human waste. Nothing would please me more than for people who have acutal intelligence and fully fledged brains to realize just how much of a waste of human breath you truly are. You are nothing more than a harlot, for lack of a more offensive word, a cheap thrill on a passing evening for someones fancy. Those who would devote themselves to you eternally will realize at some point that you merely touched their fancy for a brief time and you only "seemed" like a good idea. The fact that mankind is fallable is realized in the fact that I could willingly blind and fool myself for so long into not believing what everyone around the both of us was saying. They warned me at every turn, I was privvy to information from those who would have shielded me from things but I chose not to believe in favor that cheap and useless tramps of human beings did not exist behind such professions of innocence. I will not dare give you the dignity of placing any reference of your true name here because you matter that little. When you are raising many many small children still in this hole in the world and have detiriorated into nothing but a fat lump of humanity you will know what you truly are and that no matter how strong your belief in some unseen diety who will never come you will still rott to dust and be scattered to the winds so that this world will have completely forgotten you as so many of us prefer to. I will not give you the dignity of living in my memories, you will be purged from my ever thought and every neuron will have erased you forever. COntinue to write about me if you like, continue to complain but those who read and do not know me will never care whereas these readers, these fully developed intelligent people will know who you are, what you are, and already believe you to be nothing less than some cheap thrill for an unamed person on a drunken night where loyalty meant nothing and adultery meant everything. Trust me when I say that this will happen again, you will falter and succumb to the lust that controls every little thought you have and you will find yourself ALONE AGAIN. You will one day find yourself alone for the last time and you will be layed to rest by two strangers and a priest, all of whom had no idea who you were and have no inkling to care. This is not a curse, I wouldnt give you that, this is fact and a premonition based on the fact that some people never change and that they have placed themselves in an unending circle of infidelity. May whatever great force that helps to control our universe be blessed because it has saved man many of us from making a big mistake and condemed one of us to learn his lesson more than once. But like all the men in your life he will leave you, it starts with parentage and moves all the way down into the relationships of life, no male would ever willingly stay. Dont believe me? Take a look at your life yourself.

SVS

It Seemed The Traveler Had Given Up On Hoping To Find That Friend On The Same Road Anymore, She Was Merely A Memory Now

2005-01-24T15:43:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Risk is part of the game if you want to sit in that chair......" ~Captain James T. Kirk (William Shatner, Star Trek: Generations)

Somtimes we spend so much time pursuing a person and trying to win their approval or affection and we put everything we have into doing something for them and then it becomes all too apparent that they really dont understand how much we care, or perhaps they just dont want to know. But then at some point you might just look up from holding your head in your hands or from staring at the ground in sad dissapointment and realize that they arent worth your time if they dont get it. If they cannot see plainly how much you care or what they mean to you in your hearts dearest chamber than they arent worthy of your adoration and ultimately you should just go on and leave them behind to wallow in their sad little world. They may complain how no one wants them, how no one pays attention to them, or even how everyone seems to dissapoint them or abandon them but apparently they cant see when your reaching out to them. Such is the case for me. I tried to help, I tried to offer my affections to someone who wasnt feeling their best but they ignored it. Now im not saying that they cant keep complaining about their situation because they can and its well within their rights but how valid can the complaint be if they were offered a chance to have a friend help them smile? I've had a lot of experieince with depression, growing up aroudn and with it. The most important thing I've learned about it is that sometimes people just want to be depressed and they'll come out of it then theres the people that live in depression, they may smile at times but ultimatley they dont want to be happy because they turn down every chance for happiness. I've got all the time in the world to help a friend, nothing makes me happier than to help someone smile but in this case im done trying to make the connection, to bridge the gap of sielence. Now its Her turn to come to me, not on her knee's begging but just to find me and ask for help because I have worn myself thin trying to bridge that gap alone. I havent done anything wrong yet I have been treated like I am guilty. If She thinks im guilty than she is alone in ehr trial because I know im not and even more to my point is the fact that I am the one whos been doing all the talking her, she's never accused me of anything or asked me how I felt about certain things. Nope, I may not be innocent but im not guilty either.
Now on to better things. A friend of mine, we'll call her Mouse Girl cause she wears glasses and has mousy brown hair and is kinda short, seems to have found herself someone that makes her happy. He seems like a nice guy who just needed to meet a girl who didnt want to mess with his head and screw his emotions over. I've seen him at Dutch Bros a lot, so I guess we can always call him the Coffee Guy. Well now they both work at the same place I do and I am truly glad that they seem to have found one another. I seem them together a lot, Ive seen them go home together. Even in the darkest of places people can still find light. She's good for him because she isnt jealous of every girl that comes along and she doesnt obsess when other girls sit next to him and talk to him, flirt with him, and try to distract his gaze, a gaze that seems only set on her for the moment. But then again, thosee girls arent his type, he has expressed that much in his words and im glad to have helped him make the best decision for him. Hell hath no fury like a woamn scorned? Maybe, but heaven quakes with the fury of a man.

SVS

2005-01-20T01:27:00.000-08:00

Just popping in long enough to post the links to my other two sites. I have one new page that is for pictures only. Of course you can still find all my creative writings on http://www.minitia.blogspot.com But now you can find all sorts of fun and interesting pictures on http://www.fromhellsheart.blogspot.com Enjoy and have fun.

SVS

Walking Down The Path The Traveler Hoped To Catch Up To His Companion Soon For He Had Missed Her Company

2005-01-19T13:30:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Don't screw up the best thing in your life just because your a little unsure of who you are." ~Family Man (movie) 2000

Hello all, welcome to another session of madness from he who dwells within the heart of insanity. Before you begin to ask yourself, yes I am still depressed, heart broken, and low as ever but I am coming to some understandings that may help. New possibilities have come to my attention and, as this is MY blog and I decide what to write and who about then I shall. First I still recognize that it was my fault to have tried to develop something more than friendship with Her, I acknowledge my mistake and accept the consequences but before some of you jump to forgone conclusions lets, instead, see if I had much of a choice. Without putting too fina a point on any one thing we shall analyze the evidence that points to the object of my esteemed affections being nothing more than a harlot who's true worth as a comrade, confidant, and friend is no more higher than her knowedge fo yours truly......or her caring. But lets do this methodically, shall we?
Lets start with what friends should and should not do to one another if even one of them wants to remain TOTALLY platonic. StarLight, my dear, take no offense as I shall use you and I as an example. Both Starlight and I once shared a minor attraction to one another. At the time I didnt reciprocate her attraction to me but I did value her as a friend. Can anyone tell me what I should have avoided doing to encourage false feelings in her? 1) Intimate Physical contact, i.e. massages, neck rubs, intimate hugging, ect. 2)Anything that could be mis-construed as romantically misleading, i.e singing to her, any saying of "I love you" no matter the meaning, excessive flattery 3) Mentioning of attraction to other, i.e. speaking too much about other women that I am attracted to UNLESS asked first. Now one might ask why avoid these things. Because it would only serve to mislead and hurt her and as a friend I certainly dont want to mislead and NEVER hurt her. I didnt do those things, I still dont, because I am INTELLIGENT enough not to, because I dont want her to be hurt in any way. Next on our evidence list is that I am only 1 of the MANY MANY men that she has done this with. I wont fo into details about the other things she has done with a *cough* friend of mine that both wounded me and made me jealous more than I ever have been but suffice it to say its a long list and there is only so many hours in the year/day/month.
Third, and this is the one that wounds me to the very core of my existence, the thing I almost cant forgive. I can easily dismiss everything else were it not for this. She failed in her duty as an "alleged" friend to keep me or even make me feel like I mean ANYTHING TO HER. If she, or any friend, told me ther were going to purge me from their midn because my memory and thoughts of me caused them to much distress then I would want to talk it over, help them, reverse any damage done or basically do whatever I could to make up for it. But I was not given such considerations. This is a two way street and though I am strong in spirit and determined to keep it alive I cannot do it on my own and it is foolish to try.
It should be taken to note that the above was written on a long night at work when I was bitter and not the least bit happy. It was only last night that I found that Birthday Card and I was reminded of how much can be lost with stupid actoins of BOTH sides. I took all the blame unto myself that would be equally as foolish, but I do acknowledge some of it. But im afraid this time I take less than half but I am still seeking forgiveness none the less. For what is life if we cannot "Once More Unto The Fray"?

SVS

Continuing Down The Road The Traveler Pulled His Hood Up And Ignored The Pain Of The Past

2005-01-18T11:19:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Life is the future, not the past." ~Wizard's Seventh Rule

At certain times in ones life one needs to remind themselves of exactly who they are and where they came from, and most importantly, where they are going. SO for your reading pleasure I present to you, Myself:
I am Shawn Vincent Stengar, a Gemini born May the 23rd of 1983 in Coos Bay, Oregon. Son to Johanna May Warner and Gary Gail Stengar, brother to Laurie Ann Bjorkquist and Cindi Michelle Stengar. I grew up in Sumner Oregon on a small farm style house in the countryside outside Coos Bay/North Bend. I was raised by my GrandMother Frances Bjorkquist, my Grandfather John Bjorkquist, my Mother, and my Aunt Anna Bjorkquist. At no time in my life did I ever not feel loved by my family. I have always been surrounded by friends and family. I have been called many things and seen as many things but at heart I have and always will be a decent loving person. Never, in my life, have I ever subscribed to one religion and never have closed my mind to the possibilities of life after death. I come from a warm and wonderful loving family, I stand now inbetween the past and the future. My aim for the future is to be a teacher of literature and writing so that future generations may understand that literature is more than just words on a page adn writing is more than just spelling correctly and being grammatically correct. In every way do I look for love and I believe in the power of mankind above all other things. Despite the wicked thigns we do, the terrible pain we inflict on other, I believe that no God or or "supposed" "Higher" being will ever be able to equal our ingenuity, strength, courage, brilliance, or the greatness that endures with the legacy of mankind. I am an admirer of women, no more perfect being could have been created. I dont believe any woman sits higher than me, no woman I have ever cared for has been anything more than my equal and certainly nothing less. This is who I am.

SVS

Something Dark Stirred Within The Traveler, A Power And Understanding That He Felt Thrum With Energy Deep Down Inside Him

2005-01-11T22:52:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "...'Faithfulness is not a quality I admire in you, Christine. Desire is only a demon, Christine. hell is getting what you desire.' ........... 'He sold his soul to the devil so the world would love him for his talent. The devil had a price. He mutilated his face so terribly, that no one could stand to love him ever again.'..." ~The Phantom Of The Opera (1989 by Andrew Loyd Webber)

One of my first loves, as theatre is concerned, was the Phantom Of The Opera. This was the very first play that I ever remember seeing and it captivated me in a way not many things or people can. Something about the music stirs the soul, and inspires the mind for great things in me. Much about this perfect piece of theatre shows us the grey area inbetween good and evil, it shows us that they are nto so blakc and white but that sometimes in life the dark grey can actually be a more powerful force and a better friend than the white or ligt grey can ever aspire to be. The Phantom has long been a hero of mine, a hero who does not ride on a whiote horse or wear that perfect armor but rather choose to cloak himself in darkness and strike out at the zealous light and teach it what is truly divine. I am now waking from my sadness and I feel it slipping away into a void of nothingness where I feel nothing but pride and power. It is here that I see what the world is in a different light. Yes the world is cruel, yes the world is a horrid selfish place where we toil to our own ends andyes it is filled with darkness so deep that there is no bottom to it. But that does not mean the world does not hold great beauty for those who wish to open their eyes, or can provide great amounts of confidence and power in the one who dares to touch that power. Out of the ashes of this failure I will pick myself up and dust myself off, I will forget her and she will eventually slip from my conscious memory to be hidden away in the recesses of my mind. I see now that this is the only way and I do not deny my heart yearning and burning to hang onto her with all its strength and its might but my mind and my conviction to do what I must is stronger and the heart will be forced to learn that it will heal if given time and if it chooses to forget her. This is nothing against her, it is just that I cannot bare to see her with another and see that lowly unworthy worm of a man not realize the great love that he has before him, in a different world and a different time I would have rose from my fallen position and taken him into my hands and watched as he realized just how unworthy he was, but the world has changed and things are not as they once were. Now instead of being the hero to ride in on his white horse clad in his gleaming silver armor I instead choose to play the darker hero who wears black robes and holds a staff rather than sword, the Gods know that if she called that I would I would return on my black horse in my dark robes and be every bit the hero but eventually even that thinking will be forced from me in favor of a much grander change in myself. In this world my only passion will eventually be my writing, already it begins to well within me and fill the dark corners. For now I watch as my heart reaches out to those around me, seeking comfort in its horrid misery and I do not deny it access to them for it may help it to heal and eventually understand but as time goes by it will learn that only creative art through writing can fill its passion, that only the characters it creates through the stroke of the pen can possibly fill its expectations that the people in reality cannot. By falling and failing this time I have stumbled upon a greater understanding of my purpose. THough I still wallow in misery from having to seperate myself from a woman who is my idea of a person I could love forever and show her "A Whole New World" I know that eventually she will fade from my memory and my gradeur and divinity will love on forever in my words, the love that would have beenr eserved for hers will pour outward into my writing and people will cease to matter. This is my goal, my masterwork, my doctorine, my credo, and my life renewed.

SVS

The Rain Began Again, A Freezing Rain That Matched The Travelers Demeanor

2005-01-10T22:49:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are better left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful it can't expressed in words, and it makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a grey place dares to dream. It was as if some beautiful bird had flapped into our drab little cage and made these walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free. ~Red (played by Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption)

There are times in life when you will seem to have no control over yourself, your feelings, your heart and even though those times seem like they may well rip you apart and devour every inch of who you are in the years to come you will look back on those times and just feel glad that for that time you felt life you felt alive and if nothing else at least you could feel. Tonight as I walked home in the cold and the dark I came to the realization that I value my tears these days, I value the pain and the heartache because with every new failure and every lost love I feel less and less, im afraid that soon I will feel nothing. This latest failure has hit me the hardest, if I were a ship id be listeing, my hull damaged and half my crew injured. What I need the most right now is a port in the storm, a safe haven to moore and make repairs before I take on too much water and join those lost beneath the waves. But for all the great pain, all the immense heartache, and the terrible agony of the soul that continues to hit me in new and worse waves I am grateful for the inspiration in writing here. Additionally I am reading Terry Goodkind's newest book Chainfire, and I feel each and every sad moment the charcters experience. Mores the pitty though that I cannot feel the joy of their love. One cannot truly know the joy of love unless he has had it then lost it, I never had it to begin with. Take this time, my dearest readers, to lavish yourselves in the sorrowful joy of my inspired words for they seem to come only when my soul has blackened and my heart shrunk.

SVS

As The Traveler Moved Down The New Path He Suddenly Remembered Why He Had Chosen The Other, The Pain Here Was Terrible And He Felt More Alone

2005-01-10T02:13:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Don't let her hug you, don't let yourself be convinced to give her a massage or hang out or call and sing her to sleep. Before modern medicine, when someone was wounded, they used to have to burn the wound to killl off the infections, and that would often hurt more than the wound in the first place, but it was necessary to save the life." ~A Wise Friend

This probably falls more under the category of good advice but I think it fits as a quote somehow. At first I didnt agree because I was too unhappy and foolish to not see the wisdom but now with a heavy heart and with eyes that have seen too much I recognize the intelligence in this rather harsh advice. The problem with following it by myself was that one cannot burn themselves to remove an infection, they must be aided by others. So now I have enlisted the help of friends to rid me of the disease that clouds my thoughts and my mind. One can only stand so much before they know they must admit to having a weakness that is tearing them apart and though I dearly love my strongest weakeness it must end. In life we all make sacrifices, and perhaps this could have been avoided but we should not dwell on what could have been we must deal with the here and now. Should I have encouraged more intamacy? Yes, most definately for it is because I didnt that I find myself where im at. So more than anything, what hurts the most? The jealousy of not having what others dont fully realize quite the treasure that they have, its destroying my heart and poisoning my mind. Is this over dramatic? Yes, and it should be. Life is not some pale and stagnant thing, life is drama and everything that comes with it. I am tired of the drama but I realize that this is just the way it is and its better to face it head on. I am tired but there isnt time yet to rest. I got over the other failures that I gambled on and lost, why should this be different? Because I cared more for this loss than any other. I wont be tossing the dice again soon, I just pray that I will again at all. The time has truly come at last to leave, to raise myself out of the pool I have grown to large for and seek out a larger pond. I am sad that I cannot still maintain a working and loving friendship that I wanted so much to be more, but it hurts to much to watch someone else in the place I wish to be and I hope that can be understood. It is another of my failures to be placed upon the mantle of things gone wrong and mis understood signals. Am I depressed? Yes but that is a part of life and eventually I will grow beyond it but for now the coulds have gathered around me to hide me from view and I cannot deny liking it.

SVS

A Stiff And Truthful Wind Blew Off The Black Cloak Covering The Figure Of The Traveler To Give Him Understanding, For The First Time He Turned Around

2005-01-07T23:53:00.000-08:00

Adendem to the title: For The First Time The Traveler Turned Around And Walked Back Along The Path, Choosing the Other Fork Instead, Hoping That The Person Wandering That Path Would Still Allow Him To Travel Along The Path With Her
Quote Of The Day- "You dont know exactly what youve had until its gone and you find yourself longing for it in every way." ~Historical Anonymous

How simple life once seemed through the eyes of childhood, how easy to tell was good from evil, black from white, right from wrong, and how profoundly simple was love. Many of us long for those simple times and think back with fondness on those childhood experiences. Think back to those precious times when all you had to do to know if someone had romantic feelings was to write a note with a "yes" or "no" box to check ogg. But now its become complicated and conviluted, lust blinds us, fear of intamacy or fears of being alone seperate us from those we would love and bind us to those we no longer as strongly for. What might have been love is whittled away to a mere feeling of fleeting affection and foolish loyalty fueled by fear of being alone. Heroes and Heriones exist all around us but in our fear we choose not to see them and refuse to believe we can ever be saved, ever be happy, or ever be redeemed. Soon we even begin to distort the very meaning and image of love. So far have we fallen that that same fleeting affection is now deemed to be "love" itself, and the intense, passionate, burning desire, and nervous feelings of passion are nothing but mere myth and heresay. Two or three generations of MTV watches and pop-culturists took centuries and centuries of divine culture full of beauty and love and degraded it into music videos full of fake people and meaningless noise. This is the world we live in now, the world that threatens to destroy the things that I value the most and forget them amongst the confusion of its idiocy. But before the roar of a mindless crowd and a rising generation of zombies I still stand and I will be damned and struck dead by the hand of some foolish god before I let the feelings of love and beauty die.
Untitled Poem
"Sea of flowing fire
ever rising current of desire
waves of heat crest upon shores of valiant loins
while Godly stamina imbued with Godly lust,
make for creative art when used with loving trust.
Venus rises high in blood red eastern sky
as western winds whisper of northern lies
sent from the mind above to the soul below
so icy logic may squelch heated passions burning glow.
But the mind knows its limits and submits to its masters above
for even logic must bow before the might, the light, of love.
~Shawn Vincent Stengar 2005

Untitled Poem
Romance, love, lust, desire
words to inspire the mind, to set the soul on fire,
Words to live by, to worship up on high
to praise, to carry on, to raise the spirit to the sky.
Forget the cowardly and the foolish who's spirits never feel the flight,
who are of pedestals because of fear of height.
Never fear to place your love, your lover, and friends far out of reach
for then the soul will "Once More Unto The Breach".
If still you are anything less than convinced
then from the poet to the reader, let your soul become inscensed
and let these words from Dylan Thomas inspire your heart to fight
"...rage, rage against the dying of the light...".
Feel the passion sweilling in your veins,
quickly becoming indistinquishable from pressures, pleasures, and pains.
Take all the world for your preformance stage,
give the audience a hell of a show and if it lasts an hour then let it last an age.
This world is yours to claim for your very own
but remember when you play, its not half as fun to play alone.
~Shawn Vincent Stengar

Tonight I was talking to an old friend and I have been recieving e-mails from another good old friend and though their opionins and adivce differ a little since was is a worldly intellectual and the other a heartfelt soldier of life, but their words inspired me to change my mind and rescend a decision. Id tell you more but its intensely personal and above all, very important to my life.

SVS

Hidden Beneath The Cloak Of Darkeness The Traveler Continued On, Taking The Left At The Fork In The Road, Swerving Away From The Path Of Angels

2005-01-05T15:27:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken." ~Frank Herbert (author of Dune)

An intelligent man and a brilliant author Frank Herbert. Here we see truth in some of its finest words. I believe Mr. Herbert is attempting to tell us that we should no sleep through life, we should be awake and willing to see it for all the different changes that may come along the paths of life, be they good or bad. Lately some of you have come to know about a change along my path and then some of you may not know. In either case it doesnt matter, those who know are meant to know and those of you who do not know do not need to. The point is that we each must choose our paths and in order to walk those paths we must be willing to accept change and take chances. Well I took a chance and I accepted the change that would come of it, no matter if the outcome was good or bad I would accept that change, and I got my outcome. It wasnt the one I was hoping for but none the less I accept this change but I feel I should offer a piece of advice to my dear readers. Be wary when to you gamble and be ready to accept loss, try not to gamble with something very precious unless your prepared to part with it. I wasnt thrilled about having to part with something I know I have to but I'm doing it and I'm doing it because to have it near to me, to look upon it and be close to it causes more pain than losing it. Time will heal all wounds, including this one, but keeping this most dearest and precious thing near me will never allow my wound to heal thus I must part with it. I know that some of you dont agree with it and that soem of you do but the fact is it isnt your decision and you dont know what it is to make THIS decision because its me making it and it all but kills me. You should believe me though, when I say that the positive outcome was well worth the gamble and the entire world could nto have offered a more pleasing or more tempting offer as what would have been if my gamble would have worked.
As to my last entry, well I was rather angry at the time and those of you know of the reason know that I was justified at the time. But as all things do, the anger died and reason came into my mind. Yes, it is my mind who is once again ruling my body and not my heart. For now my heart is layed to its rest for healing and rejuvination. Until such time as my heart can heal itself and regain strength my mind shall rule as it once did. This means that for now romance and passion shall take a backseat to balance, logic, and above all knowledge. No it doesnt mean I dont care or that I do not invite each and everyone of you to share your problems with me because I do care and I shall endeavor to help anyone who needs it. And just for one persons reference, this does mean EVERYONE, though it may cause me harm to have someone near I would never turn her away and wouldnt think twice about rushing in to help with anything. But truly, if music is the food of love than I'm afriad right now that my record player is broken and it will take time to repair it. But again, I gladly pay this price for having the opportunity to win such a prize as great as the treasure I sought, for nothing could seem as sweet or as dear as it does and did. The point is that I had my chance and even though I didnt win, it was worth just that chance.

SVS

Thicker And Darker Than The Very Soul Of Midnight, A Darkness Enveloped The Traveler Comforting And Giving Him Solitude

2005-01-03T23:44:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "If Music Be The Food Of Love, Play On............too bad all the records are broken" Lord Shawn

Hello friends, good evening to those of you who have cause to call it a good evening, and just plain greetings to those of you who have no cause to see this as anything but a wretched day that is joyless and as murky as the grey sky above. But today is a special day for some of you, truly congratualations is in order to those of you who always tell me im too arrogant or who would like to see me cut down to size. Congratulations because I sit before you now humbled and reduced. Why? You might ask, its none of your damnable business just savor the moment for what it is and savor any feeling from me at all. I also admit that I was wrong, I was wrong in ever believing that feeling could ever be useful. I was better off in my icy demeanors that I ever have been in this caring bullshit that I've sucked up from you people. I know some of you come for advice, so heres a bit for you; turn your back on opening yourself up because your going to hurt yourself doing that, if people want in then let them knock first. "Learn to be lonely, life can be lived and life can be learned"- Andrew Loyd Webber (Phantom Of The Opera). To my wonderful adoring readers, keep reading this journal, im nto going anywhere but things are going to change. Forget everything I've ever said about love. Read this in the coming days because I have much to teach you all about "love" and "caring" and all the other nonsense that sappy poets and dumbass writers tr to cram down your throats. I will help to cleanse your minds of these false realities and more false truths. Know each of you that Lord Shawn will not lie to you, ever, for any reason at least not here in this forum. To those of you that come here trying to find weakeness or a chink in my armor, keep looking jackasses cause you wotn find one. I am a god unto myself, a lord among men, and I am immune to these concepts of love, caring, devotion, and seduction. Beneath this chest beats a heart of ice and the lives the soul of a writer, a writer who knows better than to believe in crap that candy companies and old women try to feed us.

SVS

2005-01-03T10:18:00.000-08:00

Friend Of Lord Shawns

Standing High On A Hill The Traveler Came Upon A Great White Ivory Tower

2004-12-28T09:59:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Too often we hide in the light, cowering away from the darkness. Never fear to embrace the dark and find the beauty in it. It is in the darkness that some of us find who we truly are." Anonymous

....................Sometimes its just hard to find anything to say when all you can think about is how much you'd like to change yourself simply for the sake of another. I had another blog all written out yesterday, nothing overly special but a long one about life and various ideals of love. For so long all I have thought about is love and all those wonderful ideas that surround it. I have found myself asking, why? The answer seems both simple and horribling confusing at the same time. It is because I enjoy shutting myself off from the world, to sit in quiet solitude away from the masses that wallow in their odd pleasures so foreign to me. To most of the world I am a cold and indifferent intellectual who cares for nothing more than his books and his thoughts. I find it sad that no one knows how incredibly wrong that is, well no one save for a few. Of course my friends but most importantly Angel knows better. When even close friends feel that my demeanor can be icy she knows how warm and passionate I am, how I enjoy being close and affectionate to her. Starlight also knows but im not sure the rest do. Whats funny is that I dont really care what anyone else thinks, just what Angel thinks. Now what brings about all these confessional thoughts? Well lately I've been drinking with friends a lot and alcohol is a depressant and often has this after-effect on me so it comes as no surprise. But do not mistake this affect for a substitution of the truth because though I am not in high spirits I am just as honest as ever with my words here. Though my words are sometimes cryptic and my meanings questionable I am always honest in this forum.
I have been housesitting since the 17th and it comes to an end tomorrow but I must say that I have enjoyed my time here while it lasted. I ahve enjoy great amounts of solitude as well as great amounts of time spent with friends drinking and talking. And a rather content and happy night spent with Angel. So nice to have such a wonderful weakness.

SVS

2004-12-27T14:27:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "If Music Be THe Food Of Love, Play On" ~William Shakespeare

Since about the 17th I have been housesitting for some friends of the family and since I've been here alone, save for their dog, I have had a lot of time to think about things. The other day I was considering architechture, love, and women. Many times I've been told my poetry often holds women on pedastals or sets them too high. I find this quite amusing, because I dont put women on pedastals and certainly dont hold them beyond my own reach. Rather I think that women are put on pedastals so much as they are pedastals. The idea is that, for men, the women we adore and love often times become our pedastals, vessels that hold us higher than we normally are, make us feel like gods. Thats probably why we seek out these women, because with them we are more than what we are, we start to realize and feel our potential. But I dont think its entirely one sided either, I think women enjoy being vessels of divine inspiration, knowing that they have such a profound affect upon our psyche. In a way we make women feel every bit the goddess just as they inspire feelings of godhood in us. Now has this anything to do with me? With my arrogance and dillusions of godhood? Yes, I cannot deny it. A woman is the key to my arrogance, the source of my divinity. And right now I am rather imbued with my dillusions. Yes good friends Angel is the source of my power, so to speak. I feel exceptionally well now since I spent time with her the other day and I felt (feel) closer to her, to you Angel, than I have in a very long time. I enjoy my privacy and aloofness for the most part but in Angels case I enjoy the closeness and intamacy that we share. Id like to take a moment here and point out something. I spent last night with my oldest friend sharing beer and talking and repairing a badly damaged friendship. All is well with Pvt. Jackass now but he did tell me one thing that I disagreed with. He told me that Angel was not someone I should invest much of myself in, I believe he called her a stepping stone to better things. I know how harsh that sounds but the Pvt. was just stating what he felt was true, which is somewhat comendable if not condemable. Angel you KNOW that I dont feel that way, you are'nt part of my path to greatness, your part of the greatness that I strive for. Even though im sure being with the Garcon De Fille makes you somewhat happy, though from my observations it isnt so, I cant describe the elation i'd get from you being single again. But thats just me, hard to explain. My time here in this house is coming to a close but, Angel I need to see you more often.

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Though No Rain Came From The Iron Grey Sky Above The Traveler Could Not Help Feel Droplets Of Sadness Building On The Horizon

2004-12-05T02:26:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day~ "One should not seek to tame the love of his life. Instead he should run free with her, enjoy the sense of freedom together for it is in freedom that we truly find each other and know the meaning of love" Anonymous

It seems that Mr. (or Ms.) Anonymous seems to have some of the most lovely quotes I've ever seen. I cannot agree more with this quote, so many people my age and older today seem to have the notion that being in love is a thing that limits you and contains you when the very idea of love is anything but limiting. Relationships today are treated with so much carelessness that it utterly apalls me. When you find someone that you care for more than anything you can imagine you should hold her image in your head constantly, be able to hear her voice in your mind with crystal clairity, and know the feel of her skin against your hands at every moment. When you are together you should feel free to say whatever is on your mind, even if you feel it is nagging because it wont matter, because that is the kind of communication you can have together and be able to understand that. I know that I harp on this subject of romance and love a lot but there is rhyme and reason to everything I do. I do this because somewhere in this world there is a woman who I have a great deal of loving affection for, someone who I am afraid is quickly falling into a place where one ceases to feel anything, a great hole of darkness to put it in a rather dramatic fashion. Still though, I stand at the edge of that precipce hoping that whatever small light I carry will be enough to guide her up and out with my help. I know that many of my blogs are becoming more like overly dramatic lectures on human nature but as I have stated so many times, it is my blog and I choose what to put here but it is you who choose to return and read my words, though I do thank you for your interest in my words. For now I away to bed to await the break of a new dawns day so that life in all her glory may wash over me for one more rotation of the globe.

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The Rains Cleared Away To Reveal A Sky Crip, Clear, And Cleaner Than Ever Before For All Good Things Come To He Who Waits

2004-11-21T23:35:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "How do you talk to an angel? It's like trying to catch a falling star." ~Cant remember who it was.

This is yet one of many posts that I have actually hand written before posting it. Where I do this doesnt really matter, I just feel the need to write this evening/morning, a deep unquenchable thirst for writing. More often I feel I always need to have a pen and paper with me. I usually carry a pen and sticky notes with me anyway. Why? I guess there's probably several good reasons. First and foremost, I am a writer and every inch of me knows that and feels/hears the call of the pen. Second, when passion of any kind calls me I answer, though my responses vary. But mostly I love to think and writing helps that in me, it helps me to reflect on the world, on my world. Nothing is more sacred to me in the world as the written word, it is who we are, it enables cultures to exist far beyond the lives of its individuals, it carries our greatest accomplishments forward through the long passages of time, it gives us knowledge and power the likes of which could never exist without having been studied for centuries. Everything we were, are, and will be is becuase we have the ability to record things to solid unmistakable words, though there interpretation ocassionally gets thrown astrew. The printing press was and still is mankinds greatest achievment to date, it allowed knowledge to be mass produced and given to everyone, the knowledge of how tor ead goes hand in hand with that and anyone who cannot read needs to be taught for in the ability to read and write lies the greatest potential of every man.
Let us focus upon my being a passioante person, because there has been many a time when I have been accused of being cold and inpassionate. I may not flaunt and throw around me emotions in public for all to see but I can assure you that I do have great and exorberrant amounts of passion. What di I have passion for? Writing for one, women for another. Wanna know just how passionate Lord Shawn is? Just ask Lips or Angel, even Starfire can attest to my passions. Or read the above in blue and see just how passionate I can get, or come ask me about my beliefs in love, life, god, or writing. Read my archive, found in my profile, and see just how passionate I can truly be. Anyone who accuses me of being cold and inpassionate does not truly know me or is not worth my time to be passionate for. Soon I will post somemore story (yes Angel I will have more fo Chantal soon, and I think you shall be delighted in what I have doen with her), there will be some more poems, and a rather special piece inspired by Private Jackass and Starfire. I also hope to be doing some special pieces, rather a series of pieces in the coming months.
Angel ;) my dearest, I am sorry we couldnt have our time together as planned but I promise time again soon, when I housesit. We shall have our special movies, drinks, and my dear I promise to massage you until YOU say we are done, such is my oath to you dear.
There will be one change in names on here now. The good and honorable woman formerly known as "The White Lady" shall henceforth be known as "Starlight". Yeah yeah I know, another celestial name for yet another woman but its my blog, not happ with it go somehwere else. Starlight and I share some commonalities in the way we deal with romance. I often like to think of her as a more humble female me, and oh what potential she has in her. She is working towards becoming a psychologist, a field in which I'm sure she can flourish and thrive in. If we were'nt so alike we might have made a rather powerful and wonderful pair, alas the world balances such power by making us too different. In man ways I think that is the reason for failure in many of my past relationships, the union of myself with such powerful women would mean too great an inbalance in the world. What it is the world wants with/for me is hard to say. Perhaps the world seeks to pair me with a woman who is more powerful than myself or perhaps one which may not be more powerful but distracts me or can tame my restless mind. I have envisioned myself being committed to many women, but I can never see it working. With Starlight it would mean a constant game of working against one another too much to be healthy or last. With Sunshine it would be a matter of my taking things too seriously, being too stuffy or taking things to casually and never communicating enough. Starfire would forever boil my blood and heaven, earth, and hell below would quake from the combination of tempers flaring that would be inevitable. Not many people can raise my ire that quickly, and I think I tend to do the same to her. And Angel, it would mean my finality, my pacification, a taming of my arrogance, an enhancement and improvment in confidence, and a dangerous and cloudy control of desire and passion, a balance of mutual control. Each scenario provides more and more interesting thoughts, sex would never be a problem with anyone, but personality combination would. Does it mean I'm going to pursue any? Well I've often had fantasies of Shania Twian too but that doesnt mean I take it seriously or that I have intentions of pursuing it, but it also means I wouldnt say no either. I prefer to look at it as I am grateful for what I have and treasue it but would never let myself be stilled simply by being afraid to make somethign more out of what I have, even at the risking of losing it because it would all be risks that would be well worth taking.
On that note I shall leave you all to the remainder of your evening because I have very sore muscles now, which id reveal why but......well some things jsut shouldnt be blogged about, especially since it would make me reveal a lie for the first time in my great blogging history. I am off to the shower to soak and wish I had a massuse for aching muscles from too much use. Good eve all.

The Rains Proved No Threat And The Sadness Simply Washed Over Him As He Continued On, The Traveler Always Determined To Stay The Course

2004-11-18T13:13:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them." ~Twelfth Night, Act II, Sc V

Well today I have spent the better part of my day cleaning the house and my bedroom, attempting to make both look clean and decent before Angel comes over this evening. I hate for anyone to see such dissaray as what has become of my living space. I really should have started this last night but I was kinda tired and really just didnt have the energy to. I also should have gone down to the sotre and got the stuff for Mudslides, but I guess you'll just have to settle for beer or something Angel. Ahh well, no harm I suppose. But ill make you drinks next month when I'm housesitting and you come to aid me. And wouldnt ya know it, time to go to work. God how I hate going to my job, not the job itself really, just going to it.

SVS

Through The Pouring Rains The Traveler Walked, Enduring The Sadness Of The Falling Rains

2004-11-17T13:19:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be."
~Anton Chekhov

One of the worlds greatest playwrights, a man of great genius and greater moral convictions. Anton Chekhov is one of my favorite authors, many said that he wrote for the people where he lived in Russia, but when you read his works you know that he was a man who wrote for himself because it was in his blood. This quote represents that, he obviously felt and believed in it deeply, as I think I do as well. Although I would add that beign in love also corrupts the rational part of the mind and tends to make the mouth produce words before the mind is able to strain and check them. Many of us have seen the effect of passioante words to those we care for, often times we do more damage to them then we would a simpel stranger because we have the knowledge of what hurts them and it makes them easier targets. I guess its about udnerstanding, understanding why we are the way we are and trying to accept others the way they are as well. One thing that people never stop to consider is themselves, sure we consider others and try to rationalize the way they are but we never stop to think why we do the things we do to those others. There is so much more I want to say on this subject right now because I'm a little angry from something else today, but I feel a little guilty for being angry. You know of all the arguments I ahve with people I am not afraid to admit im wrong and do so when I am but I find that not many others have that same conviction in them, they simply think they are right 100% of the time.
On a happier note I am to spend some quality time with Angel soon, a woman who gets entirely to much critiscism from other people. Though I am happy to say that, for now, those voices are silent. It appears that no one is bold enough to voice their opinion when they have no one to stand behind them and support them, cowards every one of them. Although there are voices quietly whispering my name now, still cowardly enough to simply whisper it. Worry not Angel dearest, ill be mroe than happy to teach you our song again. Maybe we will have the chance for two nights together and not just one.
While I thought that PVT Jackasses return would be a good thing I quickly see that I was jumping to conclusions. He and I are two entirely different people with nothing in common anymore, he finally admits this now and realizes just how true it really is. For my part I believe him to be a drunkard, a human beign with no direction, an immoral individual with no respect for himself, and a man who I could no more trust than I could pick him up and toss him. All good things do come to an eventual end.

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Hacking And Slashing At His Foes The Traveler Fought His Way Along The Path

2004-11-06T23:00:00.001-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "So long as the laws remain such as they are today, employ some discretion: loud opinion forces us to do do; but in privacy and silence let us compensate ourselves for that cruel chastity we are obliged to display in public." ~Le Marquis De Sade

I find that lately the Marquis's words are quite appealing to me. He is full of such sarcasm, such wit, and such siniscism. I have also recently decided something, something that I believe will aid me in the future somehow (though I know not yet how). I have decided to become Catholic, and I mean I want to be baptized and everything, to go to mass every sunday, and confession every saturday........................................... Yeah. SO im thinking i'd probably best explain this one. Ok, somehow I believe that having an actual religion that you can say you belong to will come in handy in the future, for a lot of different reasons. Do I believe? No, dont be stupid, im still a true Atheist (actually humanist but I dont want to go into the differences). So yeah, workin on becoming Catholic. Plus im hopin for a discount at Vatican giftshops or something.
Well I talked with Starfire for a very long time today and I couldnt have been happier with our conversation. It was entertaining and civil, insightful but not over intellectual. Truly we should have more of those. Its refreshing to have good conversation lately when so many of you have been such idiots lately. Ok well not many of you but a few. Honestly Chiuaua Man is getting more and more offensive and stupid. Does being removed from your place of education really make one that bad after only two weeks? I havent seen Dalamar lately so I cant really comment on him. And as you might have guessed Angel (guess because of her message in the chat box) must either be going through a time of monthly anger or I have actually done something wrong. Hmmm, well im of the mind right now not to care too terrible much. Mostly because im kinda tired, kinda irratated, and somewhat relaxed enough to say f*&k it.

SVS

Hacking And Slashing At His Foes The Traveler Fought His Way Along The Path

2004-11-06T23:00:00.000-08:00

The Rain Began To Fall As The Traveler Continued To Travel, Putting Up The Hood Of His Robe He Resembled Something Of A Monk, But A False Monk

2004-11-04T23:29:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Nature, who for the perfect maintenance of the laws of her general equilibrium, has sometimes need of vices and sometimes of virtues, inspires now this impulse, now that one, in accordance with what she requires." ~Marquis De Sade

Well its yet another another brilliant quote from one of the single most intelligent men and talented writers the world has ever known. The Marquis was truly one of the most inspiring men of history, a man of shining brilliance, brilliant wit, and witty intelligence. This was a man that even i would have had to bow before in sheer respect for his superior intelligence. Whilst we are on the subject let us speak of intelligence more. It has been suggested to me that most people would expect that the women I date are intelligent or superiorly intelligent, I cannot help but laugh at this a bit because it has been far from the truth. Many of the past women I have dated have been rather average in intelligence, nothing above average and certainly none that I would ever call superiorly intelligent. It is only my friends that are intelligent, perhaps this is the reason for my lack of itnerest ind ating? The fact that I date the average, women who barely know they live much less have enough intelligence to delve into the complexities of life and knowing what it means to be truly alive. But I must say all my friends have unique intelligences. Lips has a more down to earth intelligence that ranges in the common world and the world of reality. Angel has an intellect that deals more with the emotional side of life, she is able to see past other persons emotions even when she cant see past her own. Starfire has a dizzying intellect that is ruthless in its pursuit of what is truly right and truly wrong with very little grey areas, things that have to do with the intellectual and liberal worlds. Chiuaua Man is another that I would consider to be something of an inspiring intellectual, whereas Starfire is a true intellectual, he is still aspiring but is quite adept in the political, conservative, and collegic worlds. Horse Boy is something of a savant intellectual, never truly understanding any one single subject but always have a decent grasp on anything he tries to learn. Dalamar is something of a learned scholar of people, he knows precisely how to get along with nearly everyone and is quite good at riding the center line. My Happy is a pseudo intellectual, at first seeming very bright and quick but when one looks closer they see that it is merely a face, though his skills in the dramatis parts of the world are undeniable. Prvt Jackass probably has the most skilled of intelligence, a hidden and quiet type of intelligence, he never seems to understand but it is always an act to hide the fact that he knows and learns quickly but hides it to disarm people. Sunshine is something of a puzzle to me, she seems quite intelligent and bright but its hard to say since I've never really gotten to know her.
Speaking of Sunshine, I saw her the other day on my way to work, she was riding her bicycle. She looked quite fetching in her biking outfit and tired sweaty looing expression. We spoke for a few minutes, and one thing led to another and she decided we need to go out this weekend and do soemthing so I am hoping for the beach at sunset and maybe a shoulder massage (sorry Angel, ya missed your chance but maybe sunday after church). I rahter like Sunshine, her presence always makes me smile and we always end up talking about something positive and upbeat, each time it ends on a high note.
Someone recently mentioned to me that there are a certain grouping of women in my life that have to do with some kind of celestial nature. Either something about Angelic beings, the stars, the sun, or something of those natures. I cant really comment on this, though im quite aware of the meaning but I thought it was a rather intelligent comment. Whereas other women dont ahve anything to do with the sky or the celestial parts of the world. Perhaps ill comment on it later, but for now I leave you all to wonder.
Once again i cant encourage you all enough to read my archives and send me an e-mail, a snail mail, a text message, or even a phone call letting me know what you think. We all know that you can reach me by e-mail at Quixote_Thoughts@yahoo.com. Snail Mail at P.O. Box 649, North Bend, Oregon 97459. text message or phone call (or voicemail) to (541)290-4752. Of course my archive is found under my profile to the right of the page or right here http://minitia.blogspot.com/. So there we have it. A'bientot.

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Dark Times Ahead Could Be Felt By The Wandering Traveler As He Passed Through A Land With No Intelligence

2004-11-03T09:51:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "Tis time to fear when Tyrants seem to kiss" -William Shakespeare (Pericles, Act I, Scene 2)

What the holy hell was that botox injected freak thinking? Honestly, he just lost a presidential election to a retarded Texan, yeah like theres any other kind right? This guy is the Hitler of North America and that ketchup loving moron cant win against the single most retarded dictator in history? This is just sad no matter how you look at it. Alas, but not all is lost dear friends. This simply means four more years of moron jokes, retard slams, idiot puns and yet more superbowls with pretzels. Still though, it was kinda sad all in all. Oh and four more years of heartattack jokes.
Ahh, well at least we're back to regular posting again, regular ramblings and great amounts of verbal self-gratification. All Hallows Eve was a less than sucessful evening and a less than totally happy time for so many different reasons. I really didnt feel any better until the next day. But it was that next day that really made all the difference, the words of those we sometimes overlook the intelligence of can lift our spirits. Pvt. Jackass and I talked for a bit, his happiness is positively infectious. But more importantly is that he is returing to civilization very soon and he and I have found a truce, an understanding, a cease fire if you will. The good Pvt gave particularly skilled advice with an issue of some import. His genuinely jovial nature lightened even this heavy heart. Its a pitty that he must return to the shores of his homeland to find the tyrant, who was the reason why he was sent away in the first place, still very much in power and kept there by the lack of intelligence of the people he rules. Sorry folks, if ya voted republican this time around, you are the very embodiment of idiocy.
On the brighter side of life, Angel and I have re-newed a close-knit friendship that has quickly surpassed even what it had reached before. There are few people this Lord feels close to but Angel is one of those very few. We were dicussing some things the other night, and I realized just how much control we have over one another. Angel has the lovely power to command my actions but on the reverse my actions have the ability to control her, the point being that people who know one another well enough often have great control over the other and help to cover the weak spots of the other. I believe we are off to the beach this weekend to listen to the worlds life breath in the waves then to Church on sunday morning.
Also it has recently been requested of me that I remove an earlier post regarding Dalamars girlfriend and even issue an apology. A well thought out and even logical, to some degree, request. Truly a humble request and no doubt a heartfelt one as well. So how can I possibly say "no" to our good Dalamar? Damned easy actually, Not only do I officially say "no" I say "hell no" not a chance, but before you all boo and hiss let me tell you why. Anyone who can continually comment on another person as much as she does should be prepared to take the same thing from anyone else. Do not give out any more than you can take. I have time and again commented on others here but I am always ready with a defense should they come round to argue, with the exception of stupid unlogical, un-thought out arguments made by the "garcon de fille" (honestly, how stupid can a single person be?). So no, no apology and no retraction is my decision. He already knows of course but I just wanted to share with the rest of you.
Oh yes, and here is the page for my Archive, which I believe you can also find in my profile. I have posted some new things there and I will be posting some new poems and such up. It works a little different in that not every new post comes up as a seperate post, im just adding them to the original posts. I.E. poems will be found in the poem post, various stories in their own, and should I start posting some of my essays than they too will have their own. http://minitia.blogspot.com/

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As The Traveler Traveled Through The Lonely Woods He Looked Up To The Harvest Moon And Smiled, For The New Year Had Come

2004-10-31T01:00:00.000-08:00

Quote Of The Day: "No one ever said this would be easy my dear. Magic is not something simply used by commoners, it requires all the things which women do not normally posses; logic, reason, rationality, commitment to a single purpose, a willingness to do what you must to gain your goal, and above all the obtaining of knowledge above all other matters. So you see, yours is not the gender to wield such power." ~Lord Overon Minite I

Id explain the quote but it'd give away too much about something im writing. At any rate its not necessairly true anyway. Tonight I watched "Bram Stokers: Dracula" (the movie) and I can never forget how much I love both it and the book. Mr. Stoker truly understood the nature of good and evil, what it is to love so deeply and care so much for one person that even death itself cannot stop you. No man living can truly say that, even me, for how many of us can say that we would defy god himself, death, life, and all other things for the single purpose of being with the one you love? Hard to comprehend it is. Love is something that has recently been re-ignited within the heavens of my mind, brought to life anew by the presence of divinity within my life. I have loved only twice thus far in my life, the first was long and ultimately fruitless but may the spirits above and whatever god there be let this second love bare the fruit of my labors. If I lose this time, I may end ip losing more than I am willing to. With the last loss I lost only a bit of pride and no more but this time i may end up losing something wonderful, trusted, and beautiful in every sense of the word that that entails. I call out to each and every one of you in your aid and insight into this, let your minds and ideas come together as one unto me so that I may form a better understanding from the conglomerate knowledge which you collectively posses.
Oh yeah, by the way, I moved the coutner to below my profile. Yep we've made it past 1200 already. In the lesser amount of time that we have all gathered here to read my thoughts and ideas we have grown bigger than even the wonderful, beautiful, and talented Angel's Blog which inspired yours truly, the one and only Lord Shawn, to create this masterpiece. So in honor of Angel I have began writing again, this time in the form of "The Journals of Lady Chantal". I will post this in The Archive as soon as I can along with some new poems and maybe some other writings and musings of mine. But for now I bid you all good night and more importantly a wonderful All Hallows Eve, a happy Halloween, a divine All Saints Day, and a "get bent" to all of you who recognize no holiday this time of the year.

With Re-Newed Spirits The Traveler Started Down The Chosen Path, Sword Held High And Shield In Hand

2004-10-26T23:25:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "Get it into your head once and for all, my simple and very fainthearted fellow, that what fools call humanness is nothing but a weakness born of fear and egoism; that this chimerical virtue, enslaving only weak men, is unknown to those whose character is formed by stoicism, courage, and philosophy." ~The Marquis De Sade

Yep, two entries in just one single day. I must admit I feel rather good today, though I easily could have gone the other way. Tonight I come to speak about arrogance and humility. Many people describe me as arrogant, others simply say "ass", some even think themself intelligent enough to use two syllables words like "pompuous ass". What do I think? how do I respond to that? Normally I shrug it off or agree but I think I have a better way to answer my critics. Get some semblence of intelligence you dumbasses. That is how I answer them now. Am I arrogant? Yes. Should it matter? No, I am a confident being who believes himself capable of great things. That is much more than i can say for others who question their worth and themselves. This is not true for all of you of course. Some of you have my protection of my own wrath and anger, Angel for one, though she is not without her own defences. But for you who want to criticise me, then by all means go ahead but do it with intelligence, I have no time for idiots. But what makes me so confident? I am confident becuase I know I am capable of so much, that I am maintain a level of purity and honor not seen in most, and that I am a good and honest person at heart, that I defend my friends, I honor my enemies. But to all of you that think I need to be more humble than by all means try your best, if you are confident in your thought then be strong enough to back it up with actions.

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Awakening From A Long And Interesting Dream The Traveler Knew Now A New Path Lay Before Him, One That Could Lead To Great Reward Or Terrible Humility

2004-10-26T13:06:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "Our success has really been based on partnerships from the very beginning." ~William H. Gates

How very true, though I dont think Mr. Gates quite meant it the way I am interrpreting it. I see this more of a quote about human partnerships, but then again even in the business world the principal is still the same basic one, that we need close knit partnerships to survive and prosper. Imagine what you would be without the people around you, where you would have gotten. I can honestly say that without the support of others I would easily have fallen from my esteemed grace more than a few times but it is because fo those others that I retain my pride, my confidence, and my purity of body and spirit. Scoff all you'd like but look around you at those who barely know their own existence, those who walk listlessly down the path of life and never dare to test the fires and get singed a little. Those who tell you life is not a game or at least comprable to one do not know what it is to live. We each play it differently, and some games are even compatible, others are not, and we seek out our own or similar games. As many can easily surmize my game is Chess, and poker to a much esser extent. Chess because I am calculating and can see a step ahead of others, and I am very good at it. Poker because of the calculation, but it is my assesment of the risk involved in actions that tend to make me a far too cautious poker player. One might say that with my right hand I set the board while I deal the cards with my left, the left being my weaker and less favored hand. But what happens when you meet people who play the same or similar games? Well in the world of games the idea is to win and crush your opponent but thats not always the best way to have fun, the fun comes in playing another player who can bring you to a standstill and sometimes its even fun to lose. In friend we seek out the game to keep playing, never to have a standstill or to lose, but to continue enjoying the game itself. In an enemy we seek to utterly destroy and gain advantage over. But in a lover or mate we seek to either maintain a standstill or we sabotage ourselves to lose but can never truly realize that. Now the better question, how often do I win? The answer? More often than not. How often do I lose? Only on ocassion. How often do I sabotage myself or come to a standstill? Rarely if ever. I have always held the belief that a "loss" is defined by when you do not win. Not when your opponent wins and you do not but when you do not win. This means that I have long considered standstills a loss. As everyone knows, I absolutely hate to lose, its utterly appalling to me. But in examining some things I realize that there are times when I lose and i never seem to care, or I am fought to a standstill and I do not care. These are the times when I am around Angel and speaking with her or when I am arguing with Stafire. I will not speculate about this odd behavior in me concerning Angel, but I shall with Starfire. I see much of myself in Starfire, and how could I help but feel some pride at knowing that at least I have lost or gotten a standstill from such a worthy opponent that shares much of my traits. Of course defeat in Starfire always comes as somewhat of a shock to me, because it means that i too can lose and I see my own weaknesses reflected in that. We are not the same person of course but in being so much alike it is disturbing to see a loss there even if that loss is to me. This is not so with Angel, though I can speculate as to why it is so, but I will refrain from that. I will return later this evening to speak more but for now Kyrie Eleison per Mia Culpa.

SVS

The Traveler Seemed Entranced And Enscorcelled By The Bright Angel Before Him

2004-10-25T13:41:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "Relationships are like Rome. Difficult to start out, incredible during the prosperity of the 'Golden Age', and unbearable during the fall. Then, a new kingdom will come along and the whole process will repeat itself until you come across a kingdom like Egypt.. that thrives, and continues to flourish. This kingdom will become your best friend, your soulmate, and your love."

A truly truthful and lovely quote if ever there was one. Hello friends. Tonight I come to you in a humble mood for that is what the power of certain emotions invokes in a person. Before I delve into that I want to go through some other matters of greater importance. First and foremost is the On Broadway Theatre’s production of “Dracula”. Many of you know that I swore id never go near it and there was no way in all of frosty ass hell id go to see it. However it appears I was mistaken for I have seen it twice now and I did enjoy myself both times. But before your judgments come down upon me let me first explain. First I had no interest in the show itself what so ever, the thing that compelled me to go was the fact that Angel was in it as a vampress and as Mina Harker, both of which she gave a stunning preformance. My thoughts as to the rest of the show are less than encouraging but seeing her was all that mattered. Angel is a wonferdul actress, I encourage you all to go see it if for no more reason than to watch her. I would take the time here normally to point out that a certain somes girlfriend is wrong about Angel but I dont want to stir up more enemies...........Wait..........I love enemies................and I love arguements..........and ya know what? Someone should defend Angel, especially since she hasnt done anything. Ok then, so the girlfriend I am referring to is the Girlfriend of Dalamar. We shall call her Jenna, for various literary reasons. So this Jenna has used her own blog to bitch about Angel and to say that she is less than virtuous if you catch my meaning. Well this coming from a short bitchy girl who wears an eyebrow ring and clothes that are too small for her own good. Dalamar, im sorry but Angel doesnt deserve the treatment Jenna gives her. I find Jenna to be a faux intellectual, and a snobby self centered little princess hardly worth more than cheap trinkets and clothing she wears. If she were not with Dalamar I would accuse her of the same things she accuses our good Angel of. Let she who is without sin cast the first stone, wait.... not so fast there little girl put the rock down. Again, Dalamar I am sorry. Let me educate the mis-informed. Our dearest Angel has no true interest in Dalamar sexually or romantically. While she is with someone less than worthy of her, she is certainly no interested in Dalamar other than the average friendly gestures. Yes Angel can seem overly friendly sometimes but anyone with intelligence above the average chipmunk would know that. Those who know her well know that she is anything but arrogant, everything but mean, and more than courteous. So to all her critics, please if you wish to find faults or try and attack someones moral characters then you are more than welcome to come fight with me. Only cowards and fools attack a lady even verbally, however I welcome all cowards and fools. Besides, your only asking for trouble with Angel, for even Angels wield large weapons and are anything but defensless.

SVS

2004-09-19T20:16:00.000-07:00

The Oregon Coast, my home

2004-09-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

another of Lord Shawn

2004-09-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

Lord Shawn himself

2004-09-15T02:26:00.000-07:00

Wizardess's

Though The Traveler Felt Sorrow Within He Smiled Because He Could Feel That At Least

2004-08-26T13:35:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "There's a certain way a man looks at the woman he loves. The man looks like a boy on his birthday and he treats the woman like she is a gift that he has waited so long to have and he cant wait to see what the treasure is inside......" 100 girls

I both loved and hated the movie that this quote came from. On one hand it reveals truth about the interactions of men and women in romatic and non-romatic settings, often times showing us the exact truth of what lies beneath other words and conversations. While on the other hand it gives unreal perceptions of sexual intimacy and social proceedings, it gives us examples of fantastical situations that dont typically happen in an everyday situation. I do like its description of sex and how it can often be described, "We made that kinda love where you just laugh together and your bodies make that farting noise when air gets trapped in between you." I like this because it provides an example of a potentially embarrasing situation during a very intimate encounter that you will not often hear mentioned in romance movies where people have perfect sex. But on to the main quote for today. This is true, isnt it guys? Dont we look at the woman of our dearest affections and see her with eyes that hold her as something akin to a goddess? I certainly hold this to be true, that you look at her no matter where you are or what your doing and you just smile because she's there. You smile because your near her, she could talk about anything in the entire world but you'll smile because you can hear her voice and see that face that alights an inner flame within you. You smile like a boy at his birthday because as far as your concerned just the privelage to be near her is the greatest gift you can possibly recieve. Now this doesnt mean that, at other times, you wont argue or say things to anger or even hurt one another because not everbody gets along perfectly 100% of the time, and besides, who would want to? Sometimes it is those fights that bring you closer together and help you too realize what is special about one another and in so doing ignites more passion for that opposite sex. Take all of this with a bit of sand folks because I am a poet and writer so naturally everything gets a bit of flare and I do tend to mix inner thoughts and things that are generally on my mind with my words. And if it sounds like im a tad zealous about this subject lately, well its probably cause I am, wanna know why? Well you just find me and ask me and ill tell you a little secret. Sometimes love is about appreciating the changes in the other person, seeing how they have matured and then re-evaluating your affections and finding you love them all the more. I think what many people get confused about these days is comfortability. Love isnt just about being comfortable around someone because you've grown acustomed to them or because you think its daring, trendy, or interesting to be with them. Those are the things that constitute faux love.

Wistfully The Traveler Smiled To Himself As He Walked His Path

2004-08-26T12:35:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." -James Baldwin

A truely lovely and factful quote. Love is truly a growing action, something that you are continually developing upon and seeking to improve no matter what the type of love. This holds true for something as simple as a crush to real unrequoited love, as well as reciprocated love and lust. My personal belief in love is that you cannot truly be in love until you can imagine yourself and your loved one old together but still holding the same passion for her as you did when you were young and stupid. But what happens when you can do that but the other person cant? Thats a good question, one for which I have no definate answer for, come ask me again in 40-50 years and ill let you know exactly what happens. But from my guess, you will measure everyone against that person and you will never find their match though if your lucky you'll find something different. I suppose part of the beauty is that you will forever love that person within the deepest depths of your heart, even if you wanted to you can never get rid of the love that was once the most prevalent thing in the world when you heard the lilt of her voice or stared into her eyes and saw a powerful and passionate soul staring back at you. It is when the sound of that voice can echo in your midn no matter how long its beens ince you last heard it, or knowing the exact and precise arch of her smile and the way her cheeks warm just the slightest and have a pinkish hue when she laughs. More important is the smile these things about her brings to your own face. Ya know at this point I dont even remember what I was talking about, lol. Entertain yourself for the moment until I think of something else to talk about.

SVS

Closing His Cloak And Pulling Down The Hood, Our Traveler Closed Himself Off To The World, Preferring To Reflect Inward

2004-08-18T23:34:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: ""The woods are lovely, dark and deep.But I have promises to keep,And miles to go before I sleep And miles to go before I sleep." Robert Frost 'Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening'

A question I have been asked a lot by different people after many years is whom my favorite author and poet is or which is my favorite book or poem. In truth I dont think ill ever be able to pick a favorite in either but I would have to say that Robert Frost is definately way towards the top of my poet list. 'Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening' and 'The Road Not Taken' are two of my favorite poems. Frost was one of the poets who could capture your mind and senses with the simplest of words. He is one of those classical poets that can make you smile and feel pleasent and deep feelings.

After returning from my vacation and having the summer to think I am ready to return to finish my classes at this pitiful excuse for a college. The sooner I finish my classes here at SOCC the sooner I can get to a better college (hopefully PSU, possibly UofO) here in Oregon then eventually to NYU, or GeorgeTown University. Im suffocating here, drowning in a sea of useless culture. The theatres here utterly suck, the movie cinemas arent that much better. I want to be in a city where I can go to shows, movies, and date a wide variety of people and make friends with new people. Right now I consider only three people to be truly good friends whom I cant trust. Mr. Happy, Ms. Quiet, and Lips (people who live here that is otherwise i'd include StarFire). The rest have fallen to ruin and become something less than true friends. Private Jackass and I no longer have common ground on which to speak. Our fallen Angel is no longer speaking to us and that is fine for she and her miserable excuse for a male companion may have one another and stay abord this sinking ship in blind bliss, too many time have I attempted to be civil and stay a friend when she refuses to have contact, call, or do anything as friends. So be it to the rest of them who are below mentioning. You cannot help the helpless and it is useless to try so I turn my back in order to face the rest of the world and see with open eyes both the good and the bad. As Mr. Frost once said "I can sum up life in three words: It Goes On" . My saluatations to those friends who are leaving this year; Lips, Horse Boy, and Chiuaua Man. Truly my salute to Chiuaua Man for having attained his lady love only to have realized she was not for him, "Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all." it takes great strength to see the truth of our lives.

Now one thing I know we all see a lot of is those "Support Our Troops" signs and posts everywhere including many many blogs. Well id like to take this time to post my own

DO NOT SUPPORT OUR TROOPS, SUPPORT THE PRESERVATION OF ALL HUMAN LIFE EVERYWHERE. SUPPORT NO PRESIDENT WHO WOULD BRING WAR UNPROVOKED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OUR NATIONS HISTORY. BE A PATRIOT AND DO NOT SUPPORT THE WAR OR OUR TROOPS
Support our troops indeed, bah stupid blather. Support instead the freedom of choice this counrty professes to have been founded upon even if the choice of others differs from your own. Let no one tell you that you are un-patriotic for not supporting our war mongering president and his personal vendetta against Iraq and his quest to impose American authority over those who do not wish it. To be truly patriotic is to question the government whom you live under. Another election is soon to be upon us, support whichever candidate whom you think can help us the most and lead us towards a brighter more peacful future, do not be pressured by either side, choose for yourself. For me, I choose Kerry because out of the two I believe him to be the lesser of two evils. But do not let these military personell and sad excuses for wanna be military personel influence you with their talk of how much we are wanted in some countries because you hear only one side of a very very complicated issue. Know that killing, no matter the reason, is murder even if it is in the name of war, patriotic duty, or God itself, for murder is murder. Let no party, republican or democrat truly hold ultimate sway over your future because only a balance can lead us to where we will be the safest. Support a return to traditional values and a more moralistic society but also support ones right to choose their sexual orientation, support a womans right to choose whether to birth her child or not, support same sex marriages and let no one person be left out of the warm embrace of a forgiving and understanding society. If we are to truly be the worlds greatest nation let us also be the worlds most enlightened society which understands that we are all different in many ways and let us forgive the grievances of the past. Let racism and sexism become words that we teach our children in history classes. Let there be equality for the sexes but do realize that men and women have their differences. Worship whatever god you choose and let no one tell you that you are wrong or a heathen because not oen person alive on this earth today knows the truth of our creation or what happens when we cease to breathe another breath because all we can do is speculate with no true proof either way. Keep an open mind though, because anything is possible.

SVS

2004-08-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

Lake Mead

2004-08-07T20:38:00.001-07:00

Decent shot of the generators at Hoover Dam

2004-08-07T20:38:00.000-07:00

Another shot of the City Of Sin.

2004-08-07T20:37:00.000-07:00

Lips and I at Hoover Dam

2004-08-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

Oooh look!!! A golden idol!!

2004-08-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

The Stratosphere tower of the Tower Of Babyl? You decide

2004-08-07T20:02:00.000-07:00

Ahh the temptations of the greater city of Sin!!

2004-08-07T20:01:00.000-07:00

Lord Shawn in Vegas with Lips and Stepfather

The Traveler Seemed to Emerge From A Good Dream, Well Rested And Ready To Face The World Anew

2004-07-22T22:57:00.002-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" -anonymous

Once more I speak again from high above the airy mountain tops and far above the puffy white clouds. Yes, my vacation is fast coming to a close but fret not dear friends for I am returning rested and good mannered. While the Vegas summer is not a thing I relish, I did find the consant warmth to be somewhat appealing. And YES, Lord Shawn did actually wear shorts everyday and nto slack except for the first and last days. But let us discuss the subsance of the trip itself, what did I do, where did I go, what did I see? All that kind of things.
On the first night I went up to the room and unloaded all my baggage, then Lips and I explored the various casionos next to ours and our own. We probably got to bed somewhere around 2-3am. As usual my hotel room felt like a tomb, as I keep it as cold as possible.
The second day we got up and wandered around a bit more, went looking for different shows that might be interesting and fun to see. Vegas certainly offers just about everything you could possibly want to see. We also did a bit of shopping then went over to the Las Vegas Hilton and went to the Star Trek: Experience attraction, which was pretty good all in all. Of course I am an avid fan, though I don’t often like to publicly admit it. We browsed the Stre Trek gift shop and I think he might have got a few things. We visited quite a few of the other casions along The Strip. Caesrars, The Bellagio, and The Venetian were certainly the more upscale hotels but I found the Mirage, Treasure Island, Luxor, and MGM Grand to be quite appealing. Along the way we stopped to watch MGM’s famous live lions. Let me take a moment to discuss the lions because I found them to be quite fascinating. I saw the males onl once but the females were far on display more often. After watching the females it amazed me. These female creatures are far more powerful then some of the stronger humans I know, far faster, they can jump a full 14 feet in the air, run over 40 mph, and kill in a single bite. Yet for all their prowess in killing and fighting we still see the obvious femininity present in these lionesses and uet they still eat less than the males but maintain a higher energy level. Lions also mate far more often then most creatures, how fascinating these creatures are when compared to their human captors.
Wednesday we didn’t do a whole lot, I preferred to spend the latter part of the sunlight hours in the room with my laptop here, the heat and I have never agreed with one another. We went out for dinner later and browsed some of the stores along the strip, M&M World, Coca Cola World, Margaritaville, and a few others, we came back through the Tropicanna and won a air of tickets to a magic show, a topless female dance revue (yeah yeah yeah, I know I said I don’t go to strip clubs but it wasn’t exactly a strip club they were topless when they came out so it really didn’t matter, besides their breasts weren’t all that great anyway) but found out we had to go to a time share thing before we got our free show and buffet tickets. That night we went to a Comedy Club and it was pretty good, they had some pretty decent comics.
On Thursday we went to the time share thing and got our tickets. We kinda wandered here and there and went on the New York New York roller coaster, then had some lunch and then saw the magic show, which was pretty good, especially for being free. We beat it back over to the Hilton so I could get some things from the Star Trek gift shop before we left. Then we came back for dinner before the second show. Now at this point im gonna take some time to review that second show with you. I cant say that it was terrible or that none of those involved really had that bad of talent but there was something wholly un-needed from it, hmmmmmmmm, what could it be you ask? What was that elusive thing that really kind of stuck out as……dare I say gratuitous? Hmmmm perhaps it may have been the fact that they were??????? TOPLESS?????? First of all if your going to do a topless show you may want to hire dancers that have something to show off before they remove their tops, second of all you may want to feed your dancers once in a while cause when you can damned near see their organs through the thin white skin that might just be a problem……cough…Mary Kate…..cough. Anyway, it wasn’t that bad as far as the show itself went. They were quite well coordinated, the male dancers were amazing in their skill, but the main guy who spoke and sang the most reminded me somewhat of that Seacrest guy from American Idol. His female co-star was pretty decent, she had a great voice and an ok body, but they did their parts well enough I suppose. But it was the little half Mexican guy in the middle of the show that really stood out as the best. He was something of a throw back to the more carnival (not carnal) days of Vegas, a juggler and performance artist to entertain, there to allow the other performers to get their second act ready. I probably should have said this earlier but the show was supposed to take the audience through the history of women and show how women have always been a vital part of life (specifically beautiful women). I cannot help but agree with the message, though its delivery could have a few bugs worked out of it. Anyway, after the topless show Lips and I went to a midnight first showing of M. Night Shamylans “The Village” which was really good, very suspenseful, and quite thought provoking, like most of his movies.
Of the Twin Cities of Sin (Vegas and Reno) it is truly Vegas that reigns supreme. There are few places in the world where you can see just about all 7 deadly sins being committed all at once and have a dollar amount attached to it. What curious is that I found myself quite at home there, save for the heat. You gotta love a city with so many beautiful women in it and some of them performing nightly on stages all over for the pleasure of your eyes and your mind. But it is not just the show girls who are beautiful, it is the tourists as well, each dressed in as little as possible to avoid the heat and try to catch a bronzed tan. But in all my time there did I see more than 5 redheads? NO!!!! What is the matter with that city? Why the lack of fair-haired beauties? Perhaps its because red-heads tend to get sun burned faster, or that they do not handle the heat internally very well, hard to say. I can say one thing for Vegas, it would drastically have been more fun with a female companion, someone a tad less reserved than myself. Perhaps a trip for some boring winter? Actually I think I should like my next trip to be to New York or D.C. I know a few of you might have a question or two as to another more interesting part of my vacation, well you ma ask in a more private forum but Ill not reveal myself entirely here. I don’t think I spent more than $10 on gambling. For one or two of you I also have a gift, only because I saw something that made me laugh and think of one or two of you. StarFire, contact me sometime so I can figure out where best to send your gift, along with the other one I never got around to sending.
One thing I rather hated about The Strip, other than the horrid heat, was the guys offering cards with strippers on the front and numbers you can call to have them sent to your hotel room. Obviously this is a scam, and I probably don’t even wanna know what happens, but the guys are awfully pushy and get in your face to try and get you to take a card, helf of them don’t even speak English other than maybe “You wanna have some fun?” “You wanna party?” or “You wanna get some tonight?” But I definitely like Vegas a lot more than I do Reno, there’s just so much more to do in Vegas. One of the free shows we saw was The Sirens Of TI, a show put on y Treasure Island. Here beautiful women stood on an alabaster white pirate ship seducing a young man who had lost his way from his own ship, these women were supposed to be the deadly and desirable sirens of Greek mythos who would seduce men, conjure storms with their beautiful and seductive voices, and lure seamen to their doom. But just as the young man is being seduced, his daring captain shows up on his own ship and demands the boys release, while trying to keep the rest fo the crew from giving in to the womens song. After refusing to give the boy up the Queen of the Sirens dares the bold Captain Mac to do his worst. The good captain unleashes a volley of cannon fire on the shops containing the Sirens’s wardrobes in the town beyond. The sirens are angered and began to conjure a storm, which eventually sinks Captain Mac’s ship, but not before he utters a curse to see the Siren Queen in hell. This was all done live with only basic lighting effects and some pyrotechnics. The acting wasn’t near top-notch but for free and doing several shows a night the singing, dancing, acting, and such all came together fairly well. The Sirens have always been some of my favorite creatures in literature, none are more seductive and vulnerable to weapons yet so immensely powerful and feared.
This brings us to today, we are currently en-route back home and by the time this is posted I shall have arrived home, back in the embracing arms of the cold. It will also be about Sunday day by the time I post this.

The Traveler Had Reached The City And Marvelld At its Wonders

2004-07-22T22:57:00.001-07:00

Quote Of The Day: “I have always found the sight of a caged bird to be a somewhat disturbing sight” –anonymous

One must truly wonder at this quote, for the implications are many and the meanings quite deep. Of course the most obvious meaning we can find is that this person finds the sight of a caged bird to be disturbing because it hinders the birds natural freedom, the bird being one of natures most truly free creatures. I cannot help but agree with this because as I write this I am high aloft the air on wings of steel. The freedom felt, even in the cabin of a highly pressurized airplane is still something one cannot easily forget. As one might have guessed I am currently en route to Vegas for my much much much much much needed vacation. Yes, much. I am looking forward to a week in which I will do very little worrying about anything, in fact the only thing that sounds even close to as good would be camping, but given the choice this is something that I do not so often do and as such is considerably preferable.

I should inform you, dear friends, that I did manage to obtain a part in “Dracula” but it was that of Renfield, the only part I would not even give consideration to performing, judge me however you will but I utterly refuse to make a fool of myself on stage in such a manner as the role would require. As the little theatre that is putting it on doesn’t give enough consideration to its actors as to inform or offer them the roles personally or by phone I give them the same in my refusal of the role. I might have considered another role, though I doubt it because I have a tight schedule and it would only be worth it to me to cinch it even tighter if I were awarded the role I desired, that of Dracula himself. Angel did obtain her desired part of Mina Harker, to those who are wondering…I will reserve comment on Angels receiving that particular part to myself for the time being and say no more on that particular subject.

I do not wish to harp on an already tired subject but the subject of homosexuality seems fresh on my mind. Some might even wonder why I take such an odd stance, though some may think it quite obvious. I would say that for each person we have two stances, that of our professional view for other people and the view we hold in our own personal experiences (no not sexual experiences necessarily) but in our own dealings with the subject. I do believe that everyone be given a chance to choose their sexual preference but I also think that one need not choose that preference simply to spite the other sex, which is sometimes the case. I consider this a subject directly linked to love. This is often a touchy or tricky subject regarding homosexuality, is that sort of love immoral? For some, it may be, for me? I do not know because it is not something that I personally am forced to contend with, I would suppose that if a male to female relationship is capable of love then so to must male-male and female-female relationships. I would argue that in choosing the same sex relationship you are not giving fair consideration to the opposite sex, but then again who ever claimed life to be something of a fair and just nature? I would also say that in same sex relationships you should not rush headlong and bury yourself in one simply because you are afraid of being alone, sometime one must venture outside the comfort of the light to truly appreciate it. Never fear to walk alone, sometime the company is better. Though neither should you be afraid to commit yourself to another, if even for a short time, companionship in a romantic and intimate sense can be a good thing. As a writer I can understand, somewhat, the deep connection of a commitment to another person but I do not believe for one moment that I truly comprehend the entirety of it. Rather I like to think of it as a romantic notion often spoken of in literature or music. But what must it be like to feel that you cannot live without another person? How powerful that must be, often times I think people forget these types of connections in life in favor of something more shallow and manageable. How familiar that is becoming in today’s day and age, an age devoted to convenience in way, shape, and form. Today, more than ever, we are desperately in need of bold moves to revitalize our faith in love and each other. My own faith wavers in the shadow of an ever-darkening future where notions of romance and love are as becoming notions of nostalgia in a world of long ago. Take in mind, dear readers, these are not just things I am willing to say in only this forum for man of you have heard my very voice speak these words and as such my convictions are strong, much stronger than those who proclaim themselves truly conservative and fair but give no consideration to the choices of others *cough* Chihuahua Man *cough*. But what of unreciprocated love? Is it still important? A good question and certainly something more often dealt with than its famed big brother. If anything unreciprocated love is perhaps more important than true love, for it is in the giving without receiving that you find out what kind of person you truly are. We most often find that in giving our devotion when it is not wanted or needed that we are far more than we give ourselves credit for. To truly love another and give yourself to them without ever receiving that same love back is twenty times more noble and honorable than that of true reciprocated love. Never under estimate the power of love in a form, even when it is misguided. This is also true for religious devotion. But are there things in the world that can create sensations of love but not be the same? Of course there are, my favorite being that of Chocolate. It is true that 1oz of chocolate is equal to the endorphins released during 1 minute of sex, though we must not confuse the feel of one act for the other, they are both inherently different and should be viewed as such. However I would suggest that if you are feeling a bit………..excited? You might try consuming a large quantity of chocolate and see if it improves your demeanor, though it may not improve your waistline. I must really take this time to point out that the temperature in this plane is rather high and surprising for being so far above solid ground.

But for the remained of the evening I bid you all a fond farewell and promise to return safe and sound soon to give you updates on my vacation. For now I say good evening and hope that the fire of the stars give your love strength.

Ahead The Lights Of A Greaty City Shined Up From Behind Some Deserts Hills

2004-07-22T22:57:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "The fair girl went on her knees and bent over me, fairly gloating. There was a deliberate voluptuousness which was both thrilling and repulsive, and as she arched her neck she actually licked her lips like an animal... I could feel the soft, shivering touch of the lips on the supersensitive skin of my throat, and the hard dents of two sharp teeth, just touching and pausing there." Bram Stoker's: Dracula (Chapter 3, pg. 42)

One must truly love this quote because it is more than just a simple passage from a marvelous piece of literature, it is a lesson in romance and in life. First of all the obvious is never trust a volumptuous woman whos teeth are neath your jugular. And second is that women, at heart, are ravenous animals and you'd best be sure what it is they are hunting. But must we fear such behavior in todays placid society? Perhaps, but perhaps not, surely it depends on the individual and the situation in question. However, I must say that, from observation and personal experience, that most men today do not like to be pursued by women nor do they encourage sregth in the opposite sex. I find this to be interesting behavior in men, perhaps we fear a more dominant role for women in the future? perhaps a show of more equality? Whatever the reason, I am baffled b it. While I would not want to be totally helpless or totall dominated by any woman, I do enjoy the conflict that comes with their very presence. There is much to be said for challenging ones self.

As Night Approached The Traveler Settled Down For The Eve And Watch The Heavens Above, Looking For Changes In The Stars

2004-07-19T20:07:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "The foolish are they who live by experience, the wise are they who deny themselves experience in favor of academics and lonliness for that is the cost of intelligence." -Anonymous

I kinda like that quote, I think it is very true and very fitting. For the most part I have to say that I agree with it, certainly I would fit into the more wise category but im not entirely sure thats a good thing. Eh, at any rate its a good quote. Well im getting closer now. Just 6 days till Vegas and my vacation, really kinda lookin forward to that. Looking forward to letting my head ignore everyone and everythign else for a good long week. Dont get me wrong, I actually enjoy the challenges of life and its relationships but man sometimes it just weighs down on you when so many damned female relationships are murkier than a grease vat at McDonalds, and I should know. I think The White Lady is one of my best female relationships with StarFire and Angel coming in at close seconds and my sisters in the third. Gotta love being able to change the font color here. I hope im giving The White Lady enough credit here cause I know I dont talk about her as much as perhaps I should. Sometimes I spend a tad too much time with most of my thoughts on StarFire and Angel. Or at least so im told by other friends in my rantings to them. Lips is definately ready for this too, even though he just had a vacation to Florida, but that was with the family and there is a definate difference between family vacation and two guys in Vegas.

Oh and before I forget I got another little test result to share with all of you and frankly I was surprised by this outcome.

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

C'mon, "Apocalypse Now"?? Im flattered for the Brando comparison cause he was a damned good actor but im not that violent or nuts yet. I do, however, agree with the wanderer part.

SVS

The Traveler Could Actually Smile Once More As He Walked Along The Chosen Path

2004-07-18T14:46:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "To be, or not to be? That is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them....." William Shakespeare (Hamlet)

To be like the rest or not to be like the rest? To throw ones self back into the maw of familiar madness and remember what it was to bask in the light of glory or to descend further into the dark night of the mind and there see all will make you great in thine own eyes? These are the questions that trouble this traveler today. How is it the world adn all the people in her insist that salvation from all your youthful prolems lies within the throws of lustful passion? How such a stupid concept ever got started is beyond me. Such a notion can only compound problems, logic tells us this and common sense reenforces it, countless pieces of film and literature both true and imagined help to back this truth up.

Well friends it seems that I have the opportunity to once again take up the stage for a final time and throw myself into the light of the audience. But the question is, is it worth it? Our Angel is due to be the lead female role and yours truly would be up for the title role. I wont yet say what the production is but it is a rather favored novel that Ive read more than once.

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Yep, thats me. Little test there said I'm most like Gandhi, seems kinda ironic sometimes. I suppose the little description of it there I kinda agree with. Morals do matter to me and yeah I kinda like to lead by example, and perfection is definately a goal sometimes. But "do gooder"? Nah never really seen myself as a "do gooder" or hero, more like a villain sometimes or mostly just the person the hero goes to to get answers.

So what have I done lately? Well last night I went out to the beach with Mr. Happy and Ms. Quiet and she took some pictues of sunset, and animals to enter into a contest type thing at a local fair. She seems quite talented and has a great eye, certainly she needs to work on creativity but I definately see the spark of creativity in her. Then we went back to their place and I made margaritas for eveyrone and we sat and drank, talked, watched tv, and played video games. Then today I kinda just relaxed and got some sleep. Im now work at ACS and my schedule is kinda long. I work Monday's 7:30am-6:30pm then thurs-fri 8:15am-7:15pm and sat6am-5pm. Long days. But tonight I went and saw "I Robot" with The White Lady. I have come to much enjoy her company, something about that blossoming intelligence inside her attracts my mind and enraptures my spirit. Maybe I have just come to know her better and am much more kind to ehr and do not judge her but I have also come to find the way she dresses appealing. Chiuaua Man can say what he wants but I find her to be intelligent, attractive, and a joy to be around. The question I get most often though, "are you guys dating?" The answer? We are enjoying one anothers company and conversation, there is no fondling or kissing, so call it what you will. I think that sometimes in life you just need to not think too deeply about it and let things be. Such is the case here, I wont label this relationship with her, it simply is what it is. Labeling it limits it, I prefer just to think that were having fun and neither of us have a problem with it so its best just to smile and have fun.

Today As He Walked Along The Winding Path, The Traveller Reflected On The World Around Him And Its Inhabitants And Growing Changes

2004-07-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "I love women...I love those emerald pools masquerading as eyes...lips...I love smiles and the yawns...the eating...with skin so soft...women are head to toe cashmere...a woman's skin inspires a man's fingers to have Magellan’s love of exploration..."-100 Girls

I think this quote is a bit of an overstatment of a conditional truth, however it does contain a bit of truth in it especially in the last sentence there. For centuries upon centuries women have been the fuel for the passion of man, even when his gods failed him. In the light of an ever darkening world it is love that will prove the pivital point upon which man will either flourish of fall deep into the mouth of extinction. Today sciences and technologies are growing rapidly and our world is becoming vastly different before our very eyes. It seems that evolution is happening in giant leaps and bounds, advancements in all categories of science are becoming uncontrolled and racing ahead at rapid, even dangerous, rates. Artificial intelligence is fast becmoing a fact and not just a theory, nano-technology was once a mere speculation or a scientists dream but now the micro technologies are entering our everyday world, genetic engineering is as common as ever in our agricultural world, cloning is now a reality and not fantasy of movies past, the realms of science and magic have met and science has triumphed. While all this could easily be seen as mans achievements in the world and testaments to his ingenuity and sheer will, they can also be seen as the rapid uncontrolled examples of what man can do when he does not think about what he is doing. Amidst all this confusion of our 'modern' age it seems love and the old ways are becoming buried. While I steadfastly defend a persons right to choose their mates in whatever way they wish I cannot help but feel worried about mankinds future with a rapidly growing homosexual trend. Think what you might but in order for a specie to develop and flourish the key is, and always has been, pro-creation. Without children to carry on our genes as well as our thoughts then our specie would have fallen ages ago, but now as the trend of homosexuality grows and birth defects increase, our specie may be facing its end. Worse yet, if our specie continues to decrese its overall intelligence because it is not healthy in its breeding cycle, our technologies may yet take on a life born of their own will and face their creators and destroy them. This is not to say that being gay is wrong, merely ineffectual against the world and its grand designs and the survival of the specie. This growing trend and its overall effects worry me about as much as the rapid spread of uncontrolled technologies. Worse yet is the downfall of love against science. Love has many times been declared a mere compilation of hormones and endorphins. Love is failing all around us, divorces are more common than lasting marriages, beign unfaithful is more common than divorce and last faithful marriage combined, and chivalry is considered to be an insult to women. Too often we talk of change in the world and how it is needed but too often we forget the benefits of being solid in our beliefs even if the winds of change blow against us. A return to some, nto all, but soem traditional values is needed. Damned be religion and her principals but we should endeavor to breathe new life into the nuclear family, moral ideals, and the love. Together we should force out the ideas of hate and unfaithfulness, weed out as many of those who seek to eradicate the lives of others and restore peace to the forefront of society. And we should try to understand and accept homosexuality yet minimize it to as small a number as possible. Encourage the acceptance of all groups but those who hold down the specie should be minimized but accepted as we would accept anything else.

SVS

The Wound Was Healing And The Surface Pain Lessened, But The Bruise And Its Ache Remained

2004-07-06T13:51:00.005-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "...things never turn out the way you think they will. -Michael Chrichtons's Prey

How inherently true, things hardly ever turn out even close to what you were expecting them too. This isnt always a bad thing, much of the time things have the opportunity of going much better then we expect them too and then we are pleasently surprised. But it is the times when we are un-pleasently surprised that sticks with us the longest. Extremities on either side of a thing are things to be avoided. One should never hope for an extreme in any situation, especially in that of romance or life. Sometimes people stop to take stock of their life thus far and they turn back to look at what had been, what is going to be, and what is. In that process we sometimes see that the people around us are not what we remember or what we expect them to be. Ocassionally a person goes through an extraordinary change and everything about them is no longer the same, and for some reason the two of you no longer get along. Other times the person changes slowly (as they should) except for one thign about them and the drastic change of that one thing is enough to damage your personal relationship. Still there are time when a person does not change at all and they are stuck in a cycle of their life and that too destroys or damages your relationship.

On a related note, I must admit to all of you that lately I have not been as open with my blogs as I have been in the past. Mainly this is because they are nto always about me alone and I want to respect the privacy of the others it may involve. Although if you believe yourself tob e a close friend and want to offer advice or just talk then do feel free to talk to me privately. If you are nto always available to speak through the net or do not have continual net access then do feel free to call me when you wish. (541)290-4752 or you may mail me the old way at
Shawn V. Stengar
P.O. Box 649
North Bend Or, 97459
I would love to talk to any of you, especially those few who I have had great philisophical discussions with and those of you whom I have been able to share my views on sex and romatiscism.

Today The Travelers Face Was Hidden, But Some Would See A Black Eye, A Wound From A Friend

2004-06-30T23:18:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "So nigh to grandeur is our dust, so near to God is man; When Duty whispers, low thou must, the youth replies I can." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Where have all good girls gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?

Isn’t there a gorgeous Amazon upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need

I Need A Hero......

Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There’s someone reaching back for me

Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
It’s gonna take a superwoman to sweep me off my feet

(Chorus)
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night
She’s gotta be strong
And she’s gotta be fast
And she’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the morning light
She’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And she’s gotta be larger than life

Up Where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I would swear that there’s someone somewhere
Watching me
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel her approach
Like a fire in my blood

(Chorus)x2

I Need A Hero

Indeed sometimes we all need a hero, or in some cases, a heroine. But much like the ideal hero, the ideal heroine does not exist in our world. The sad fact of the matter is friends that in our age women, decent women, have become increasingly more and more rare. Not to mention that love, or at least the old ways of love, are slowly becoming extinct, and a new form of love is rising. This new love is hollow and full of pomp and levels of dishonesty. Definitions of cheating are becoming relevant in relationships, where in the past cheating was once defined as the a man or woman giving intimate affection to another person. *Sarcastic Laugh* Now its filled with so many holes that you can see straight through this 'love'. Now, a woman cheating on her boyfriend with another woman isnt cheating at all, a man who has cyber sex with another woman other than his wife isnt cheating, a woman who kisses other men while on a 'temporary' cease of dating with her boyfriend isnt betraying him at all. If this is what love is then im afraid I have lost faith in love. What do we have to place faith in when we treat is so cavalier? Love exists in the world, just not in us. That is what I mean by a 'broken hallelujah'. I am just as guilty as anyone else, I have had more than my fair share of chances that I ignored when fate pushed me towards them. What brings this on tonight though? Where did I find this inspiration for all of this? I saw Spider Man 2 tonight with Mr. Happy and Ms. Quiet and it was full of romance and such along with action but at the end of the movie as we exited the theatre it was their I found inspiration. I saw Sunshine with her boyfriend, happy and hand in hand, it was then I realized that fate had tried to make that my hand in hers but I stubbornly refused what was offered. Instead I looked towards my eastern horizon with faith of the fallen, hoping for the impossible and wanting what couldnt be. So a fallen faith in the west and a fallen faith in the east, no one to blaim but myself and nowhere else to look. Whats a guy to do? Well it seems to me that if you cant help yourself then help others. And thats what I've decided to do. I signed up for the Peace Corps. and specified id prefer an African Assignment. When I finally get an assignment ill be there for about 2 years and 2 months. I considered military service instead but I want to HELP not hurt. True, military does pay better but the rewards of this are deeper and far better for the soul.

SVS

The Traveller Felt Reflective Tonight As He Gaxed Up At The Falling Stars, Funny Thing Those Firery Stars Those Star Fires

2004-06-24T23:42:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "I've seen your flag On the marble arch Love is not a victory march, It's a cold and It's a broken Hallelujah" -Rufus Wainwright (from the song "Hallelujah")

"Love is not a victory march...." Hmmm, how very true. I suppose that, at first, we all presuppose that love is some sort of triumph and that we celebrate its capture with some sort of massive parade of our victory fleet and from there on all things will be good. But how quickly we learn. "....It's a cold and It's a broken Hallelujah...." A broken halellujah? The dictionary tells us that Halellujah is "a shout or song of praise to God", well if thats true then perhaps love is a broken hallelujah. People will often tell you that love is the greatest of all powers, perhaps even rivaling that of the christian God's. But I agree with this song, Love is a broken hallelujah, meaning that love is so strong, so mighty that it breaks past and beyond any praise to god. While many people question the belief of God or "believe" he exists, we all KNOW that love exists and that its power is never ending and undying. However, as with all great powers, man chooses to worship something he doesnt understand and gives it far too high a position. Sadness and pain, life without love, are all things that are just as powerful and tangible as love. Why praise love when we can simply praise lust? Or perhaps pain, either physical, mental, or emotional? Because it feels good? If we used that excuse then we would hold high the marijuana plant as a god or morphine, even prozac. No, we choose love because it does more than simply make us feel good about ourselves, it binds us, all, in a very unique and very human way. Beneath the benevolence of love we are inexiplicably tied. The mistake we often make is that we go seeking or questing after it, the problem with that is Love cannot be caught or won, it is a lifeforce all its own and chooses its own time to come to you, providing it does at all. Sometimes love can even come to us more than once when we lose the one we love. No dear friends I havent lost anybody, but I thought that was worth saying. Actually I wish there were some things I could admit to tonight, but..............I just cant, not yet, maybe as a final action to something ending but not yet. Hallelujah. It is midnight and I need sleep but lately I have been feeling very very restless. Perhaps ill return tomorrow night to speak with you all more. Starfyre, if your listening...... accept some semblance of an apology? Jealousy breeds the darkest of monsters but sometimes we have no control of them, our want for the unatainable can be greater that our want not to hurt those we care for simply because we cannot attain them in the way we would ocassionally like.

SVS

The Traveler Seemed Rather Annoyed By The Sounds Of The Village Below So He Ignored It And Found A Path Around It

2004-06-16T21:24:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day- "Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never."
-Charles Caleb Colton

A ridiculous quote if ever there was one. Such sentiment is utter nonsense. Maybe im just a bitter young writer but it seems to me that friendship ends up in love or anything of the kind because no decent friendship has enough strength to survive if it has to be moved into love, its too hard on the participants and anybody who tells you different just hasnt hit the edge yet, give em time cause they will. Certainly starting off as lovers and hoping to grow into love is nonsense because thats starting off with false pretenses. So what is the conclusion we make from this then? Love is a state of intoxicated mind, not alsohol intoxication neccessairly but intoxication none the less. Love is not really real, its more like a dream you have at night, it may seem real and it may seem like you truly experience it but thats simply not true, its a deception. And before three or four of you decide to get all grumbly and start arguing with me sit yourself back down and shut up, think about it with an open mind first or ill not listen to your prattle. Yeah im cranky and bitter tonight and I have every reason to be.

Lets talk about something else that's been buggin me lately. I have friends on both sides of this issue so I like to stay in the middle. Anyway, Gay and Lesbian rights.....yeah I know its contraversial. I cant stand these conservatives who say its sick and shouldnt be allowed....yadda yadda yadda wela ll know that song and dance. However I can stand these Gay and Lesbian cololitions that think by marching down a street anouncing their sexual preference is very intelligent either. We all know the arguments and defences for both but why is it no one looks at this practically? To the conservatives I say, ignore it and leave them be because its none of your business anyway. But to those of you that are now standing up and saying "yeah, its none of their business what we do in the privacy" sit your dumb ass back down. I give the conservatives all the right in the world to complain until you quit having stupid parades, special gay awarness months, special scholarship funding, and insist in anouncing to everyone that youre gay, cause I just dont care. Fuck whatever you want but do so in quiet. Now since this is my own journal and I am allowed to speak my thoughts freely I shall giv eyou my personal opinion on the issue. I lean with the conservatives in saying that its not 'natural' and it goes against every rule in nature, that the very nature and design of humanity is being pushed against by it, but so long as I do not have to participate in it I dont give a flying squirell what the hell you people do I just dont wanna be apart of it and Im not going to go to a parade and wear purple or put a little multi-colored triangle in my car to support you. I will, however, support your right to do what you wish in PRIVACY of your own homes. Like any straight person its fine and acceptable to makeout and/or kiss in public but stop annoucing it verbally and with special parades. As to the matter of marriage? Well so long as you pay taxes I think its perfectly acceptable.

SVS

Leaving Behind Him A particularly Nasty Part Of The Path The Traveler Took A Seat Beside The Road And Caught His Breath Before DOntinuing Up The Mount

2004-06-06T00:49:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: ...Stay with me and hold me tight and dance, like its the last night of the world.... -('The Last Night Of The World') Miss Saigon

Ya know, I would really really love to see Miss Saigon (its a musical play) because im sitting here listening to a few of the songs from it and it kills me I've never seen it, id also love to see Rent (also a musical) someday. I bought the soundtrack to Rent, and I can piece together most of the story and its so awesome that now I really really wanna see it. Speaking of plays though, the Acting and Directing finals were friday night. And while it could easily have gone bad and a lot of things could have gone wrong, it seemed to go off without a hitch. I had a few line problems but all in all I think it came out well and no one, besides Mr. Happy and Dalamar really noticed the line problems. Well them and the professor whom we shall refer to as Snape, yep you guessed it its a Harry Potter cop off. The acting proffessor just really really reminds me of the Snape character from the Harry Potter series. Anyway, the piece I directed looked great and my actors, Mr. Happy and Lips, both did a splendid job. Horse Boy said he loved the piece I acted in and said Mr. Happy did a great job at directing us. I think were all a little less than happy with how the grading will no doubt go. The Rescue Pig and here female cohorts will all recieve great praise and Dalamar, Mr. Happy, myself, and the other older gentlemen who is also in the class will recieve moderate praise and be told about the specific problems with our shows. Yours truly will recieve some sort of knock off of points because I didnt stay to help the other directors put up thier props, even though thats more their duty then it is anybody elses. If thats the case I may go argue it with Snape and take up the fact that a class mate of mine took up some of my actors time on stage, she shall be reffered to as Mary Tyler Moore (or MTM for short). Dalamars show was great, one of his actors was the most confident and best I've ever seen him, to tell the truth I wasnt sure he'd be able to handle the line load but he did and he also created a great character. Now I just have to finish my directors notebook, my play analysis, and take a History test this next week and im done for the year.

SVS

Effortlessly, The Traveler Strode The Path. Objects Ahead Dared Not Interfere With His Righteous And Divine Steps

2004-06-02T12:34:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: “When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drums there is a light about to start when tomorrow comes.” –Les Miserables, Victor Hugo.

Good evening dearest readers, tonight I shall endeavor to bring you deeper into my mind so that you might see as I do. Tonight our post is about love, devotion, freedom, prosperity, divinity, corruption, the heavens above, the hells below, friends, family, and all things in between.

We shall start by examining the more important persons in the world around me. I will carefully examine and explain the importance of each person and how they fit into my life and how they came to be there. Not one amongst these people are without their flaws but neither are they without shining attributes that make them precious to the world.

I thought a long time about who to address first, because the first person is the one who will probably gain the most praise and most judgment from me. While many people come to mind none burn so passionately among my thoughts as Starfire. Aptly nicknamed because of her fiery position on all arguments and opinions I have known her for over 8 long years but only truly gotten to known her in the last 4. In the vast archive of my memory I can still recall the first time I saw her. It must have either been seventh or eighth grade and she was standing on a stage. At the time she caught my eye but I hadn’t any clue why, sometimes some people simply catch ones gaze for no reason in particular. She seemed tall at the time, had the reddest hair I’d seen till then, was wearing a white t-shirt that said something about redheads. While I am close to several other friends I have never felt a closer connection to them the way I feel a connection to her. We fight, its true, but no matter how terrible the words thrown or the passion of anger she inspires in me that anger never lasts and soon gives way to sorrow of having caused her distress. As someone who intimately studies himself and all other people I find this ability to never stay angry at her truly curious, I don’t mind it but I do find it fascinating. I can no longer count the number of arguments and disagreements I’ve had with her but it is those differences that we thrive in, though we view this relationship differently. From my side I see a bond of intimate friendship that often needs no words, but on her side she see’s someone whom she can argue with occasionally and always return to as if nothing happened even if its months and months later. She is an obvious liberal who defends her position passionately and has high hopes for humanity, a true opposite to my self serving conservative views of the disease that is humanity. But she has sown me that not all humanity is as terrible as it sometimes acts, that beauty and love still exists in the darkest of situations. While all of that is true and I appreciate ever moment of it, both the good and the bad, I still cannot help but wonder what might have been had these paths of life not diverged into differing parts of the wood and there been more than a voice in the air.

Though my thoughts and eyes may stray to the eastern horizon much of the time there has been a strong local presence that remained at my side the entire time. Each time my anger flared at Starfire or I felt as if I had been personally hurt Angel remained there to provide comfort of a friendly kind. Many a time it was when Angel told me that this other friend wasn’t deserving of my anger or thought, that it was better to forget and turn towards other people. I may never have listened but her words were just as important all the same. It’s highly debatable as to whether or not I should have listened better but sometimes just hearing the words from a friend is all that matters. If anyone person, besides myself, can be said to be significantly responsible for my large ego it would most certainly be Angel. Over the years she has given me more praise and made the appearance of looking up to my intelligence than any other person. Some of my more fond memories have been of sitting with her beneath a canopy of green leaves telling each other of our problems and her always telling me how intelligent and bright I was. Such is the nature of a friend. But even Angel and I have had our share of differences in life. In fact sometimes two people fight and one occasionally wounds the other so deep that a permanent scar is left behind. This is true for fights with both Angel and Starfire, however I wear my scars with pride, they are remembrances that for true friendship one must fight.

I have had romantic affection for both of the afore mentioned women in the past, perhaps something that creates these stronger bonds of friendship. Who would fault me though? To those who know them as well as I do they know each of them to be women of integrity and intelligence, though in different ways. Both are inspirations for characters in my ever growing story, and both continue to inspire me to this day. Many women will come and go in the future but these two will live forever in my memory as the two who ushered in my trust and respect of women.

But enough for now. I will post more in the next few days. Right now I must be off to memorize lines for Mr. Happy.

Dusk Fell Upon A Blood Red Sea As The Traveler Stood On The Cliff And Defiantly Laughed At The Setting Sun

2004-05-26T21:03:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a man of wit, and a pebble in the hand of a fool." -French Proverb

Ahh yes another fine little piece of mind to sit upon the minds of my readers. I would ask how many of you are wearing diamonds and how many have pebbles but im afraid of the answer. But on to more important issues. Today was a rather interesting day but I think that I had best talk about yesterday so that some of today might be understood. Yesterday (tuesday) was an average day for the most part, that is up until the afternoon.

Let me introduce two new characters to all of you, though I thik I had a previous name for one of them. The first is a rather neurotic individual that very much reminds me of Benedict (from Much Ado About Nothing) and a combination of Hamlet and Iago. I thought long about a nickname for him and at long last "Chiuaua Man" seems the most fitting do to his nervous nature and willingness to bitch and talk. The second is one I have known for quite somtime and A#@h&le seems the most fitting description of him but I think that a more appropriate nickname is deserving of this individual so we shall refer to him as "Horse Boy".

At any rate, I happened upon Chiuaua Man and Horse Boy and we began our usual BS'ing session. This amounts to nothing more than discussing a wide range of things from day to day life, to politics and all other things in the great universe. But yesterday we somehow came to the subject of Horse Boys cinematic project, which is a complete and utter waste of the worlds precious energies and life giving breath to his worthless body. Well apparently Horse Boy is using camera equipment which came from the crap hole college I attend and which Chiuaua Man is president of the department in which Horse Boy is renting the equipment from. Chiuaua and Horse were arguing about how much of the project Chiuaua would be allowed to see and to make an arduously long story short, Chiuaua demanded the equipment be returned and Horse accused Chiuaua of releasing to much info about his UNCOPYRIGHTER project to the general public. This was about the time I saw an opportunity to anger Horse (believe me the stupid $#@*er deserves it) and so I took it. Basically I hinted to him that I intended to tell everyone the plot of his script, of which I have intimate knowledge, because he thinks someone is out to steal his ideas. Now at this point I should introduce you other readers to another reader, this new reader is the one whom Horse thinks is out to steal his ideas. We shall call our newest reader Dalamar, because of his personalities resemblence to a character out of a series we read. Horse is totally paranoid that Dalamar is out to get his ideas and make them his own.

Getting away from yesterday we move on to today. Well Horse approached me, after telling me yesterday that "Were fucking at war man, its on. Dont fuck with me!!" to which I could barely stop laughing in his moronic face. Well Chiuaua Man found me today and told me that Horse was planning on contacting some gay guy in high school that I supposedly know and trying to get everyone he knows to believe the gay guy and I together, he also said he was enlisting the help of our very own Angel. While this is extremely laughable, since I dont even know what guy he's talking about, I think Horse would do well to let sleeping dragons lay. I refer, of course, to myself as the sleeping dragon. Horse could very well find himself knee deep in debt to the city, the state, and the federal government should I decide that I have been sufficeiently annoyed. I do believe he forgets what he has told me and the sufficient evidence he gave me because he believed me to be his trusted confidant. Angel would also do well to learn her lessons, though whether she is actually involved with Horse or not is debateable. Do not forget, my dearest Angel, the righteous anger of your Lord and what his far reaching hands are cabable of. It would be a shame to see a promising career in the military wasted because of a petty attempt at revenge by a sightless undereducated man. I, of course, make no threats and no offenses I merely point out that I am not without my defenses and those are things that I alone can do, much less what I am capable of with help from friends, family, aquaintences, and constituants.

Today was also the student awards ceremony, a time when students who have achieved excellence in certain departments are awarded. But this does not hold true for all departments here, especially that of the Theatre Department. Today any image of fairness among the students who dwell within the theatre department was shattered. A girl who could not be less deserving recieved the award for theatrical excellence by our fallen god of a professor. Last year the professors assistant and the student he "supposedly" (I have to say supposedly cause I havent personaly witnessed anything but it seems pretty clear) sleepign with each recieved an award. This year that award went to a human pig. Now I'm not just being insulting with that because this female individual resembles a pig in human form. She is round and plump like a little pot-bellied pig and has a unique squeal. At any rate Rescure Pig, as she has becoem known by many, recieved the award and when Mr. Happy decided to come to rehearsal I thought he was gonna blow a gasget(sp?). Mr. happy has convinced himself that, beyond any doubt, he and he alone deserved that award, and while that is up for debate he did deserve it more than her. This department has becoem nothing more than a competition for a petty professors attentions and an excuse to award those who are able to sufficently kiss ass. I am ashamed to have ever pledged my help to him or to the deptartment. I do hereby, for what its worth, curse any student who seeks to gain favor with this department or that professor through any means other than hard work.

But on to things of more pleasent natures. Dalamar is our newest reader and I think it only fare to share some things about him, some mis conceptions I had abotu him. At one point, not so long ago, I had a dark hatred of Dalamar and it is now that I gladly retract that hatred. It was unjustified, I believed him nothing more than a sniveling wyrm to our Theatre Professor, a man whos teaching abilities are limited to teaching only those that are practically willing to lick his...........hmmm..........shoes. But Dalamar is anything but, he is well educated individual with an obvious passion for life and a fire for theatre. He has all the qualities of a brilliant actor with the personality of the most loveable comedians and the wit of a philosopher. He reminds me very much of the less uptight version of Mr. Happy. Yes yes, I like Mr. Happy but he is rather uptight. Dalamar made a good point today, one that I take no offense by. He stated that my writing here is self serving and a glorification of myself and my thoughts, this is 100% complete truth. Here you all get to view the side of me that burns with passionate fire and is willing to burn any who cannot withstand the heat from my exalted flame. (man if that wasnt glorified I dont knwo what is!)

As many of you may have guessed, I have decided to omit certain goings on between myself and Starfire at her request. While my current feeligns towards her are mixes between divine anger and kindly forgiveness I figured that I am the more moral and ethical of the two of us and as such it is my duty to not betray her confidence, unworthy as it is somtimes. But I think with those previous statements I did get a nice, and well deserved, dig into her. Of course she will act as true lady and take it through gritted teeth.

I must say that with recent events I truly feel that beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am LORD SHAWN.

SVS

Behind Him The Traveler Left Something Useless And Old, No Use Carrying Used Goods That Arent Worth Your Time

2004-05-18T20:47:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "The strength of women comes from the fact that psychology cannot explain us. Men can be analyzed, women merely adored." -Oscar Wilde

One of my favorite authors and man who gives unbelievably accurate quotes, Oscar Wilde author of one of my favorite plays "The Portrait Of Dorian Grey". Today Mr. Wilde is giving us an opinion on women and I must say that I agree for the most part. For a man, it is easy to analyze other men and to try and figure one another out but when it comes to women we often find ourselves at a total loss. Now to those of you women who take that as a compliment and are smiling smugly, dont smile so quickly because it is my opinion that most women are incapable of logical or rational thought and are inherently doomed to over analyze things. I have not yet met the woman who can speak to me on a even logical level, although I've only met a few men who can carry an unfeeling conversation filled with 90% fact. With the possible exception of Angel, I have the large opinion that women are creatures that are not to be trusted and always held at arms length for fear of the knives they may inevitably place between your shoulder blades.

I now find myself standing on the edge of a decision. I would love to tell you all about recent events but there are those that were involved that would rather I not. However there opinion doesnt really matter that much and every fiber of me tells me to go ahead and spill it anyway. After all once a trust between two people has been broken what happens afterwards really doesnt matter. Well I may tell you sometime next week, for now I have some studying to do and on sunday some drinking to do. And in the words of Private Jackass "Bro's before ho's".

SVS

Ahead A Path Began To Run Along The Side Of The Travelers And He Recognized It To Belong To An Angel, While A Star Lost Its Fire

2004-05-17T23:39:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." -The Bible, Proverbs Ch. XXVII, v.6

Yeah yeah I know I know, I'm an Atheist using a biblical quote but it is possible for people to find wisdom in the bible without using it as a guide to every inch of life. However I am not entirely sure that this quote rings true all the way around. It seems to imply that one should prefer to be hurt by a friend rather than be flattered and kissed by an enemy. But given the choice I would take the enemy over the hurtful friend anyday. See, with an enemy you know that you may get hurt and you should even expect to be on the defensive. With a friend one expects comfort and wants to place their trust in them, so when they get hurt by a friend they can inflict more pain than an enemy. The overall message here is that with an enemy you can place a certain amount of trust in them but with a friend you should be cautious when it comes to trust because it is possible for them to place a knife directly into your back as you kneel before them and ask for comfort and help.

Anyway, moving on to other things. I went for a walk with Angel today, yeah yeah yeah I know what some of you have said and what the others are thinking "why? She's a *$%@*" yadda yadda yadda. Well to put it simply, when other supposed friends turned out to be arrogant self indulged simpletons Angel gave me words of comfort and advice. So keep your comments off the box and submit them only to me if you would. On another note, im afraid me may shortly be losing a reader. Starfire may soon be removing her gaze from this mighty writers words, for reasons that I will refrain from posting. But suffice it to say due to some extenuating circumstances the two of us may no longer be speaking and as such I would expect she would not wish to read here any longer. So again, thank you Angel.

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Leaving The Meadow, The Traveler Set Out Onto The Path Once More, Knowing He Had Left Behind Those Ideals Of Trust

2004-05-16T23:25:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then they turn full-bodied with age until they go sour and vinegary and give you a headache."- Unkown Author.

Oh where to start today. I could start off with a lot of things I guess, most of them more crappy then the next. If I wanted just to talk about the good things going on then it would certainly be a very short post. But on the other hand id be here all night with the crappy. Lets talk about our quote first. It is the opinion of this author that this could not be more right or apt.

On second thought lets not talk about the quote, im just going to end up saying things I dont mean. No, lets talk, instead, about friendship tonight. Let us consider what friendship truly is. The fourth edition of the American Heritage Dictionary defines "Friendship" as The state of being friends; friendly relation, or attachment, to a person, or between persons; affection arising from mutual esteem and good will; friendliness; amity; good will.
While friendship is more than just that definition it is certainly no less, it has much to do with honor, respect, and the ability to speak kindly towards one another. I would like to elaborate more on what brings about my thoughts on this but for now I will not go into detail, not because of the other person but because I have that integrity where I do not believe the other person has. I will state that sometimes the fire of a star burns out and it becomes a void in space where as a fallen angel holds more honor and integrity than that star and its fire. Obviously I am trying to say something without saying it directly, take from it what you will. But getting back to our discussion on friendship. I would advise everyone, never trust somebody who doesnt understand you at least a little, never trust someone who doesnt trust you, and no supposed "friend" is worth your time if they are not mature enough to recognize simple friendship, especially when they mistake it for something more romatic which simply isnt the case. Life is simply too short to worry or care about the dramatic crap people spew, drama is for the stage and not for real life. I guess I just dont believe in varying levels of friendships. I believe in true friends, everything else are just aquaintences. What kinda sucks is when you find out that something you thought to be a friend is just an aquaintence. The difference is that friends think of something from both sides, they take your feelings into consideration not just their own. A friend will ask questions before making blatant stupid unfeeling comments that are TOTAL MISINTERPRETATIONS of what you might have said. God i'd love to rant and rave about this in more detail but I wont. Anyway take all that and think about it, im off to bed to have a terrible week that im sure will only hold more crap and stress that I dont need even though I wait until other peoples stressful times are over to give them fucked up news that amounts to total crap all in all. Goodnight.

SVS

Quietly, In A Meadow, The Traveler Sat Meditating And Considering The Ideals Of Trust

2004-05-15T02:46:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "Man was made when nature was but an apprentice, but woman when she was a skilfull mistress of her art."-Cupid's Whirligig

Okay I have absolutely no idea what "Cupids Whiligig" is but I did love this quote. I am not entirely sure I agree with it but I liked the symbolism in this none the less. It basically leads us to believe that man was the initial expeiment in creation and woman the final product. I agree that women posses many fine things that men do not, both in the scientific sense as well as in my own more romatisiscized ideas. Women think with both half of their brains where men only use one half, women have a higher pain threshold than men, women typically have a larger capacity for compassion, understanding, and forgiveness, women can bring life into the world, women are generally more agile than men. But we too have our own unique talents; men have the potential for muscle mass than women, men are typically capable of more logical thought patterns, men are generally better tactile learners, male leaders have been far more prevelant than women, men usually work better and can cope with groups, and a host of other things as well. But the point was that I liked the quote.

Last night I went to see "Jacque Brel Is Alive And Well And Living In Paris" and I must say I was utterly shocked at the extreme tackiness of it all. SOCC's theatre department in cooperation with the Dolphin Players attempted to put on a musical semi-dinner theatre which was a total fiasco. The food, while good, was being served by untrained waiters, the placings were very tacky, the table too tiny, the seating too much like sardines, and the coordination of it all untimed. What was worse was the play itself, which had no obvious coohearant standard plot structure. One might argue that the plot was non-linear but even non-linear have a major prevelant theme that ties the pieces together, where this had songs that may have pertained to a deeper meaning but no common theme was apparent to a typical audience. This was extremely dissapointing to me. I was to help usher but decided against it due to a large workload of studies on me at the moment. The hypocricy that is so very present in this department at SOCC is fast becmoing ridiculous. In this production there were five players total. The first is a very nice man who does a lot of tech work and I like him a lot but his mistakes were many and very veyr noticeable. Second was a younger gentleman whom I dont know but he had an extremely talented voice, though he did make a couple noticeable mistakes. Now when I say noticeable I mean that any audience member could tell, where as when I just say "mistakes" I mean that I notice them because I am an actor who is trained to see that kind of mistake in myself. Third was an older lady who did very well but the director obviously told her to supress her obviously powerful voice, which was a major mistake as it took away from the preformance as a whole. The younger lady whom I did not know, was very beautiful and talented but was given a part that was less than what she is capable of and I would like to have seen her in the other young ladies role because she certainly would have done better even with the few mistakes that she made. Last was the young lady who is currently dating her acting professor (the acting professor) at this institution and I have to say I wonder that she may have gained her part with his help. She was less than convincing in her first solo song and I was severely dissapointed with the fact that she and the other young lady were not in the opposite parts. This lady could have done quite well in a lesser role and her mistakes would not have been as apparent to me but as it was she wasnt convincing, made many mistakes relating to movement, and generally wasnt confident enough with her presence or with her voice. While I did think the actors did their best and made a good showing of it the overall show itself was atrocious at best and a total disaster and mockery to theatre at the worst. If this hadnt been an assignment from the acting proffesor for the classes im involved in I wouldnt have set foot in that show if they had payed me. But I conragtulate the actors for sticking it out and doing their absolute best with the directing and terrible choices that were made that were beyond their control.

SVS

With Renewed Purpose The Traveler Looked To The Mountains Ahead, Knowing The Journey Was Long But Not Wanting To Waste A Single Moment

2004-05-09T23:25:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: Men are what their mothers raise them to be.- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A brilliant and talented writer gave us todays quote. That was my special Mothers Day Quote. I still havent decided whether Mothers Day is truly a day worth celebrating or whether its just something hallmark came up with in order to make more money, I guess if thats the case it still ahs some inherent good in it though.

Well the coming week should be an interesting one, stressful but interesting. Ive gotta go argue with the college about my student loans since I forgot to to turn in some paper work. Im going to give my former boss an ultimatum, either he pays me my wages (about $1500) or I turn him into the labor beareau. I'm also starting rehearsals for Anton Checkov's Swan Song, directed by my good friend Christopher Baird in his directing debut. Then im also starting my own directing of W.B. Yeat's Purgatory which Chris is also acting in along with Lips, this isnt my directing debut but it will be my most sucessful piece that I've directed yet. Then I have to make sure my bills get paid. I also have to go apply for a new job in a bunch of places. It's just going to be a long week, so dont be surprised if I dont post again soon but I will try.

SVS

The Evening Sky Seemed to Reflect The Travelers Mind. Full Of Reds, Oranges, Pinks, And Other Colors of Immense Passion, Be They Sad Or Happy

2004-05-08T18:25:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "Words are just words and without heart they have no meaning."-Chinese Proverb

This quote couldnt be more true if it wanted to. But its a sad fact that we do not always speak from our hearts or tell others what we perhaps should. Im not much for most new country music these days but there is a Garth Brooks song that I particularly like, I cant seem to recall the name, but the jist of it is that we should all tell people what we feel more often because there is a possiblility that tomorrow may never come. This is a nice sentiment and all but there are some of us that, in life, are doomed to be forever seen as the non-romantic type despite our immense love for romance, we may never be seen as a sexual entity but only because it has never been brought to our attention. So expressing ourselves to others may only result in less than happy respones. But I am not speaking from experience, only theory. I suppose that its like thinking about your parents as human beings that have the same desires as yourself, there are just some people that only consider you a friend and are incapable of being anything more. Now I know that these people are often good friends and people whom we have strong connections with but I highly highly advise you to rid your lives of such people. Anybody who is not willing to see you as a whole complete person with desires, wants, needs, and feelings that you yourself have is not worth your time or your friendship. I am not saying that completely platonic relationships are totally out of the question, im just saying that it is healthy to be able to discuss, with a FRIEND, your sexual feelings, fantasies, ect. and be able to listen to theirs in return. You should realize though that some relationships are destined to be platonic no matter how much you might like them to be more romantic. Try to learn to appreciate these relationships for what they are, also take into consideration that good things take time and all good things come to those who wait. Perhaps in time this may be something different you just have to wait for the right circumstances. Friends with benefits can be quite healthy so long as you willing to keep it semi-platonic and allow the other person to date at their lesiure. Sex is not something that should consume you but you should leave room for it in your life.

SVS

Through THe Grey Iron Sky A Ray Of Light Punched Through To Shine Down On The Traveler And Give Him Strength Needed To Fight the Onslaught Of Darkness

2004-05-04T16:43:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "There is another side to chivalry. If it dispenses leniency, it may with equal justification invoke control."
-Freda Adler

Oh I couldnt help but share that quote with all of you. I have not found anything more laughable or idiotic in my entire life, if ever I have been accused of posting a feminist type quote I must admit guilt on this one. This is the type of quote that can only come from a woman scorned or some over excited feminist who has no respect or idea of what chivalry in the modern age is truly about. So many consider out society to be quite advanced in its culture and its equality between sexes and races but I think that somewhere here we lost sight of what equality is. Now I may or may not anger some of you with some of the following statements which have to do with my views on equality and feminism. Equality is not where a woman can sue an all mens club for not letting her in. Equality is not when a woman can sue an all male college for not allowing her entrance. Equality is not a Native American casino which pays no federal or state tax and governs itself. Equality is not an African American attorney appealing to Congress because he/she believes that everyone of their like skin color should be payed a certain amount of money from the other taxpayers just because their ANCESTORS, NOT THEM, got royally screwed by someone I never met or knew. The sins of the father are not passed onto the son. We must be held accountable for our own actions and not those of people long dead with whom we have no true connection. Equality IS letting both gay and straight couples be allowed to marry. Equality IS allowing both men and women their respective organizations that can be only of one sex if that is what they wish. Equality IS colleges considering ALL applications fairly without bias towards sex or race (so long as that college is not all of one particular sex and is intended to be so do to its rules and stipulations) and not HAVING to take in so many of one sex or one race despite the outstanding creditials of better qualified candidates. Equality among the sexes IS a woman being payed the same amount for a job as a male doing the same work. Equality is a man being granted maternity leave the same as a woman despite the lack of physical effects. Equality is Pepsi including a Coke in every six pack, equality is Microsoft advertising for Macintosh, equality is this and equality is that. But in the end the world is NOT equal, and we have to live with that. We do need to improve our world, there is much work to be done but we WILL NOT achieve that by blaming one another or by attacking each others beliefs. While I am on the topic I would urge each of you, of voting age, to vote for Kerry in the coming elections and to topple LORD BUSH and his war. I urge each of you to stop this so called war for freedom. And to those of you trying to stop this war, STOP trying to use troop death counts as a way of doing it. We all know each of those soldiers knew the risk going there. I would not give a single penny, a single tear or thought towards our troops, they knew the risk and the conditions and if they dont like it then they shouldnt have signed up this WAS NOT a draft. I may write more later but I gotta get ready for class now.

SVS

It Was Hard To Say Just What The Skies Were About To Do, Steely Grey Clouds Threatened To Break To Storm While Bright Sunshine FOught To Break Through

2004-05-01T22:49:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light."-Dylan Thomas (poem-Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night)

A quote from one of my favorite poets, Dylan Thomas, a man who seemed to understand and relate to death better than most. But the importance of this quote is in its inspiring message about raging against the inevitable. Though some things seem inevitable and no matter what you do those things will still happen, you should still stand up and throw everything you have against them. Just because something seems for sure doesnt mean that you shouldt stand up for what you believe and rage against it. If you have a goal that seems impossible and all odds are against it then go for it anyway, at least you will have the satisfaction of having tried, of having stood up for youself and reached towards the heavens to obtain that one bright star that has forever caught the twinkle in your glorious eyes. A bit poetic perhaps? Well I suppose thats to be expected once in awhile. Afterall I think we often ignore poetry and poetic ways of speaking a bit more than we should. This is especially true in your romantic relationships, too many people have lost sight of romantiscism and elegant ways of speaking.

Aside from that my life is in a very dark grey area right now. I was technically "layed off" from my job and as such im now jobless. My former employer owes me about 1250 in back wages and im really pissed he hasnt pais them yet cause Y a know I have bills just like everyone else. Its just kinda a bad time financially. But I have confidence that it'll work out in the next week or so.

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As The Sky Cleared The Traveler Idly Wondered Just How Much Damage Had Been Done And What Gods Were Doing Battle In The Skies To Cause Such Things

2004-04-13T00:54:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "...I hear how I am censured. They say I will bear myself proudly if I percieve the love come from her. They say too that she will rather die than give any sign of affection. I did never think to marry."-Benedick from Much Ado About Noting, William Shakespeare.

Well I went and saw the Alamo tonight, all in all it was pretty good. I wouldnt take it as an exact history so much as I would a glorified story but still it was a well made and well acted movie. Its one of those things you have to see in order to better understand your fellow man (or woman). Speaking of which I would like to say that though Is tand by my previously posted arguments I would like to say that the person they are aimed towards is quite dear to me and I apologize to that person for angering them. Sometimes we accidentally hurt those we most care about, and sometimes they antagonize you to do it. But when alls said and done you should just bury the hatched and make up.

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Though The Cloud Thundered And Brought Down Rain The Light And Heat Of The Sun Caused The Pitiful Little CLoud To WIther And Dissapate

2004-04-12T18:20:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: Dichotomy's are dangerous and should be avoided." -Rob Clingan

You know there is something inherently funny about a young white female attending a prestigious university standing on her soapbox screaming about Native American work in the past to procure their place in the future for their descendents. That my friends is a "dichotomy", something that is two polar opposites trying to fight for a middle ground and as are good friend Rob Clingan tell us, dichotomys are often dangerous. It is true that we should avoid these dangers, most often they falter and fail because of internal pressure of the basic arguments in themselves. Of course there is the plausible theory that dichotomys give the only actual truth but I cant believe that, perhaps you get a different perspective but hardly ever a truth. But I suppose this whole arugment is being aimed towards race, not a thing I care much to discuss usually. Well when it comes to someone of a seperate race defending the work of another because that is what they have been taught to believe is right, well thats simply ridiculous. The unfortunate truth is that when someone watches an African American basketball player do extremely well they take it as a credit to his or her race when they should take it as a testament to the human body and mind. Accomplishments from ancient cultures should never be looked at simply as a homage to that particular group but as a shining example of what humanity can do when motivated. This is true especially in multi-culturally diverse countries like the United States. Here we are a large blend of many different races and cultures, therefore our college scholars should focus more on the accomplishment of the human race as a whole and not try and break it down into seperate categories. Even though I know many of these people mean well by defending certain ethnic groups it only calls more attention to the differences rather than to the similarities. Skin color should be no concern to anyone at all, for any reason but it is beacuse of the academic world keeps trying to tell us that we should respect this culture for this achievment and that culture for that achievement instead of being revolutionary and calling these achievments the result of the human mind and body working hand in hand to change and makes itself better. I am a man comprised of many differing forces, I am Native American and I do feel a certain spiritual connection to that part of me, but I am also apart of ancient Swedish aristocracy dating far back into the middle ages and the reformation periods in Europe, there also Irish and German parts of me but instead of seeking these things individually I think of myself as the result of the culmination of many different humans and their similarities rather than their differences.
Next lets take a look at womens suffrage and equality in the modern world. It is true that women are still subject to sexist ideas by males in our society, women still are denied jobs in favor of a less qualified male applicant. THese are unfortunate truths and though it may sound harsh or unfeeling but what about that motivates me to stand up and fight back for them? The fact remains that I am a male in a very male friendly world. Is it fair? No. Is it right? No. But hows does it help for a man to stand up and fight back against other men for a female? This only demeans the role of the female participant, it gives the impression she is not as capable as me and needs me for defence, which simply isnt true. Equality only works if your willing to fight by yourself for it.
I must confess that these subjects and arguments are born of those unfinished ones with friends who care nto to finish them. But I do not name them because it is not my place to do so. Of course if they care to politely introduce themselves in the chat box next to the posts then that is totally acceptable so long as they are willing to remain civil. This is not a place for personal attacks. Now if someone does happen to post something rather nasty in that box then I will fight back with no quarter given, but that is merely in a defensive manner, never offensive. Chatting in a messenger forum is entirely different though I would think that if one makes an agreement to refrain from antagonizing another then perhaps it should be respected. If there is some sort of problem or issue then maybe it should be confronted from a logical and reasonable stand point rather than personal attacks that might cause one much anger, afterall ones usually hurts those they care for.

SVS.

Upon The Horizon Ahead Stood A Dark Cloud Threatening The Sunshine, The Traveler Watched As The Cloud Approached

2004-04-09T10:50:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "Anyone who tells you they're smarter because they're older doesnt know a damned thing" -Anonymous

I couldnt find a source author for todays quote but I thought it rather apt considering the misconceptions given to maturity and wisdom of someone who is older then another. Quite often I hear that a mere 2-4 year age gap in persons over the age of 18 matters "a whole hell of alot". This simply is not true and I might go so far as to suggest that it may be an attempt to glorify ones self when they are unable to think of anything better. In fact the only difference between a 2-4 age gap, as far as intelligence and personality goes, might be accelerated arrogance in the older person. For those of you not really interested in this arguement you'd better wait until I post something else cause this has a point. Anyway, age does not bring more wisdom or more maturity in an individual because ultimately it is different experience that brings those things. The curious thing about maturity is that only those who do not profess to have it and who often dont know they have it truly have gained it, whereas those who profess they are more mature or intelligent because they are a mere few years older are just grasping at wisps of smoke. One large pet peeve of mine is people who have the arrogance to call someone else "kid" or "kids" because they are merely 2-4 years older than them, this is nothing but audacious arrogance of someone who desperately needs to wake up from their little dream world where the classify people because of age. Especially those people who sue it in arguments, that is just an extremely weak way of defending ones own lack of creativity and maturity. Have a good weekend all.

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Out Into Bright Sunshine The Traveler Stepped, And Smiled At The Warmth Of It

2004-04-08T22:55:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "You can try and obtain a truth from a person, and you can try and give them a lie. But you dont have to give anyone a truth and you dont have to take a lie." -Shawn V. Stengar (me)
Thats right, this is another one of my own quotes, in fact I just discovered this one tonight while discussing some things with someone. This same person acused me of being argumentative, now I had to supress my laughter because I thought that pretty much everyone knew this about me. Now the thing I think they truly learned is that if I truly believe im right then there are precious few people who can actually make me believe otherwise. But I think that this person is slowly learning more about me, more about the fact that I am not an overly open person. While it is true that I would willingly tell someone just about anything about myself this does not mean I will tell everyone. Trust is something that I do not lightly put in everyone at first, for me you must earn trust and sometimes that can take awhile. I have learned valuable lessons about trust and how much you should place in someone even though you may have known a person for years upon years or youve only known them since highschool, cause they may very well betray your trust in them.End of this discussion.

I went on a drive with my dad the other day, after we saw Hellboy, and I found it to be quite relaxing. We went out around the bay along East Bay Drive, and while some of my thoughts strayed outside of childhood there most of them were related to how things change and sometimes how much they stay the same. I am nearly 21 years old, that will make me nearly two decades old, not a long time but time enough to give one perspective on how the following years may go. It was suggested to me tonight that my problems stray from lack of female companionship. This is not the first time it has been suggested to me but allow me to make a point tonight. Just because one desires a thing does not mean that it is the source of ones troubles. Right now I am facing things more important than simple lack of female companionship. Such a suggestion might even be construed as an insult. I will, however, agree that "getting laid" may very well be a useful distraction but because of circumstances that is nto possible at this moment in time. Let us look at the facts of life and breakdown my supposed "problems". In the last several years I have: had my oldest friend betray me with my most trusted local friend who happens to be female, worked at a well known fast food chain and quit from that job which was predominantly female controlled, watched as more male members of my family died, enrolled in a college that is full of extreme liberals when I am rather conservative, been overwhelmed with homework, been faced with test after test in order to get out of my hometown, had to make a decision as where to go with my life, been enraptured with one female after another for it never to work out, given a second job that was a piece of crap in decent jobs guise, and purposely torpedoed a long standing friendship with an "angelic" friend because she and I are not possible and the relationship in any other way would not be good for either of us. So yes I do suppose that female companionship may have played a roll in some of those problems but I do not think that dating women I dont know would help much, sometimes friendly and familair faces would be much more helpful.

SVS

And So Through The Fog On The Moors He Traveled, All The While Wondering What Lay Just To Either Side In The All Concealing Fog

2004-04-04T18:27:00.000-07:00

Quote Of The Day: "In the absence of light, darkness prevails..."-Hellboy (The Movie)
Well lets see if I can try and write on a more regular basis from now on shall we? Today I saw the above movie from which todays quote is more or less derived from, though im pretty sure Ive heard it from something else. In any case this is one of those no brainer quotes because obviously darkness would rule in a world absence of the grace of light but the deeper meaning here is that we should all be careful to preserve the light less we lose it and let darkness rule us. The movie was all in all a pretty cool one, lots of action and corny comedy but well worth it. I was delighted to see a newer and longer Harry Potter 3 preview and I even got some inspiration from the movie and some of the trailers on it. I expect to start on chapter 2 tonight, still looking for a title for the whole thing but I think ill end up waiting till its finished to title it, see what the overall meaning of the thing turns out to be. Well im off to go write and see what I can get done, I may post more later on tonight.

SVS

Emerging From The Dense Fog Of The Forest And Onto The Slightly Less Foggier Moors The Traveler Was Seen Walking His Path Almost Entirely Alone

2004-04-02T20:52:00.000-08:00

Thats right im back again. To all my neglected friends and readers I humbly apologize for my absence and my forgetfulness. Lately I have been dealing with many things that desperately needed my attention not the least of which was college and all the trouble that brings. But I have also been trying to crack down on my writing and get a lot more done so I can post it for you in my other forum. To those of you who have read soem it and are semi-familiar with the character of Chantal, well let me just say this...dont get too attached. For cleansing purposes some of my constituents and advisors (friends) have advised me to be rid of that character towards the end of the story. I have not yet decided to do so but I must agree it would prove helpful. I have also been dealign with soem work issues that I cannot legally discuss but suffice it to say that theses issues needed resolving and as yet, have not entirely been resolved. Lips as you may or may not know is my partner for this story I am writing and I must give half credit to him for helping me write this, he doesnt exactly do the writing part but he is the essential engine behind my creative process. If it is not finished by the time the end of July gets here, which im sure it wont be, I plan to take my laptop to beautiful Las Vegas and maybe let the drunk creative juices flow onto the keyboard...........ok that came out a little less poetic than I had originally intended.

Ok, onto the personal life part of this thing. Well I cant say as though I've really had that much going on. Oh, I have been going on what the White Lady and I term "practice dates" here lately. Basically these pseudo dates are designed for us to gain experience with the opposite sex without it being a seriously situation. We went to see "Bad Santa" here awhile back and not too long ago we went out to dinner then we saw "Secret Window". Both times were pretty fun, though I thought the first time was kinda awkward but the second time was cool. We talked and discussed women and men and dating, very helpful to have the other sexes opinion on dating. Now dont get me wrong, Starfire and I talk about that kinda thing but when we do it there is just the slightest bit of flirting going on and we always make it something more intellectual whereas the White Lady and I make it more frank and conventional. I do value both talks though. White Lady is pretty cool though, I feel comfortable with her and I feel safe telling her things, not to mention that when it comes to talking about relationships I dont think I know anyone more honest.
Lips has been getting kinda excited about Vegas here lately, though there is a possibility I havent told him about yet because I dont know anything definate yet. I really dont wanna say anything more about it here just yet till I know something for sure. But I cant help but feel that same excitement, I love Reno and Vegas. There is just something very cool and awesome about knowing that there is always something fun going on there even in the early morning or the middle of the night. I think a friend from Montanna may come visit for a night or so either in Vegas or here in town before we go, and though there are no guarentees in life let me just say that the divine purity of Lord Shawn may not be long for the world. Actually that is more or less is what she is coming to uh.......inquire about. I find this to be a challenge from her and, of course, I gladly accept. Now to a normal male the loss would be gladly welcomed but to me I take this challenge to my will power serious, if she is not as strogn willed as she claims then she may well make it past my defences and the purity will be gone and ill just be normal. However if this girl is not as strong as she claims then nothing will happen life shall continue as it has for neearly 21 years. It may be presumptious of me but I believe that even drunk and relaxed there isnt a woman in creation that can match my intellect and willpower, but I do await the day someone does.
Private Jackass and I have totally stopped talking now in any way shape or form. And though I believe that it is for the better, because of things that went on last year that destroyed and corrupted a very old friendship, I do still hope he is farign well. I still do not agree with our presence there and I maintain that any man or woman willingly working for the United States armed forces is no better than a common street murderer. But as my friend I wish him the best in the things he believes in.
Fallen Angel, until further notice Angel is not now or will ever be a topic for discussion. There are many reasons for this, not the least of which is appropriate for this place. This does not mean that I do not talk to her or maintain contact with her but it does mean that this subject is still very touchy and for the sake of everyone I prefer not to bring it up and would prefer if it buried itself. To those of you I do talk about this with in private that kind of forum is totally appropriate just not this one.
Before I go I shall leave you with your Qote Of The Day: "...and then you took the words right out of my mouth. Oh it must have been while you were kissin me. You took the words right out of my mouth. Oh, and I swear its true, I was just about to say "I love You"." -Meatloaf [Song-->"You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth (Hot Summer Night)", Bat Out Of Hell album]
I love this song, in fact I love almost everything of Meatloafs albums. But this one was particularly appealing. There is something both emotionally and physically stirring when you think of a person that takes the intiatve to kiss you in mid-sentence andt akes the words right out of your mouth. THis is particularly appealing to me when women do it to men because it shows their passion and fire, I've always foudn those scenes in movies where the woman does it to a man then she begins talking and the he reciproacates and does the same to her, soemthing very sexy about that.
On a sidenote I would just like to inform all of my readers that it is FRIGGING UNBEARABLY HOT TONIGHT!!! Goddamn its just horrid, im about three steps away from sleeping outside tonight. Anyway im off to go find a way to cool down from this horrid heat.

Shawn V. Stengar