Lost

Lost, its really the only way to describe how I feel. I am not without hope, without dreams its just that I dont know how to follow them or which one I want to follow. I dont know when I first became lost, only that I am. Most days I spend in a fog, barely noticing that the day goes by. One day is pretty much the same as the next. Even my desire to write, which was once a burning passion, is nothing more than an occasional whim. I feel a great deal of inspiration trapped within me but know not how to access it.

I am unsure of many things in my life. But the thing that bothers me the most is romance. Its different being single this time, in the past I desperately sought out other people, exes whom it didnt work with simply because I couldnt stand the thought of being alone. In the past I sought the counsel of friends, asking questions that they did not have the answers to when I should have been asking myself those questions. I could use some clairty about now, something to put things in perspective.

My nephew grows more each day, perhaps he puts a few things in perspective for me. I want nothing more than for him to grow and to know his Uncle and I wish to be an Uncle he can look up to and feel pride in. In turn I wish to help him grow to know peace and intelligence in himself, to have the wisdom that his father simply does not have. Would that he might one day have an Aunt who accompanies his Uncle.

I know that I need to return to school, I've been away too long and I need to go back. I need to learn, to study and grow again. Perhaps the answers I seek are in knowledge I have yet to learn and perhaps in seeking that knowledge I will find someone to share the journey with me. Now I just need to find my way back to school.

Shawn