Quote Of The Day: "The gods trembled at what they had made, fear shown in each immortal eye as they beheld the birth of man" ~Unknown

I cant say that yesterday wasnt an interesting day towards its end. Normal for the most part up till the evening after an earthquake sounded off the Oregon coast and while I was at work in a call center that can house about 500 people they shut down all our calls and told us we were to evacuate the building and get as high as possible because a Tsunami was to hit in less than an hour. Of course there was a certain amount of disbelief, like it was some kind of drill, and a bit of panic as well. In the end I merely made my way home, as I had decided to walk to work that day, without the least bit of actual fear, a bit of aprehension but no fear. Whether the lack of fear was born from a sense that nothing would really happen or if it was hte contentness with life is hard to say, though I dont think it was the latter. Well that and the fact that a Tsunami's wall of water travels roughly around 80-100mph depending on the quake and the force driving the water and it happened some 80-90 miles off the coastline, so we'd have about an hour at most. In essence, what was going to happen was going to happen and the simple fact is that there is nothing we can do to control that, exceptattempt to get high enough where we hope it wont quite catch us. No use to panic and get in peoples way, merely hope that today isnt your day. Funny though cause work was trying toa dvise us to head towards the Church of Latter Day Saints and im a Catholic. Yeah yeah, I know I dont believe but I do go to church, ocassionally confession, and I bear a cross on my chest usually, its a symbol of mankinds faith in something, even if that faith is misplaced it speaks of our ancient comitment to something greater than ourselves. Now in truth im a believer of the opposite, im a believer in the power of mankind and not of some higher being, for we have in each of us the potential to be the lords of our own creation, the creator may be a hell of a being but it is we, the creation, that is greater for the creator is who it is but we are something different, newer, better, and far superior. This is not true for all creations, but it is for us.
I was going to make some points about some of the many follys and mockerys mankind has made in spite of itself but i'd rather end on this slightly upturned note.

SVS

---TRAVELER ON HOLD FOR THE MOMENT---

Quote Of The Day: "The common man is made of blood and bone, strong backs and weak minds Vedimeer. But it is we, those who dare to face the truth of the world and harness its magics and knowledge for our own that are exceptional, it is we that are made of stronger stuff of the mind." ~Lord Overon Minite I (Hearts Madness -The Overon Chronicles Volume 1-)

Well it seems we have a tenative title for the first Novel now, and no it isnt doen yet despite the fact that I said I wouldnt name it until it was done but I now have the entire thing worked out in my mind and it shouldnt be long now. I'm still looking desperately for a co-author and I think that it'll be Lips unless someone else would like to take a stab at it, remembering that whoever it is will have to be my partner, that means im not the boss im just as equal as the other person male or female. I took away the chat box there cause no one was using it often enough to warrant leaving it. If you want to leave a comment you can do so at the bottom of each post by clicking on "comments" or you can e-mail me at Quixote_Thoughts@yahoo.com. Looks like I might get promoted at work again, and I got another $00.25 raise again which puts me at about $8.50 per hour and im gonna be doin about 50+ hours at work for the next couple of weeks or so, still not workin saturdays there though.
Not sure if its the time of year, my age, something in the air, or what but man its been seeming more and more lonely lately. I handle it in stride like I do all things but it just seems to be on my mind more lately, which can sometimes be depressing. I guess that I'm lonely all of the time really but its just lately that ive been noticing it a whole hell of a lot more and knowing there isnt much I can do about it really infuriates me. Friend Sex or a one night stand wouldnt be so bad right now either, just for reference friend sex is basically friends with benefits type of relation and in my case thats FEMALE ONLY. Got nothing against being gay, just not my thing. Well I guess thats really all I have for the moment but ill be back im sure.


SVS

----Traveler Titles Will Return Later----

Quote Of The Day: "...How do you measure a year in the life? How about love?...." ~Rent (1996 broadway musical by Johnathan Larson)

Hello all, I return to you now on the the dawning of what proves to be an interesting summer. At long last I prepare to leave my home, my education begins, my closest friends and I seperate and it may be for good, a 16 year search for love will soon be ground to a halt to pursue knowledge and education, and I continue to keep a secret only Mr. Happy and Lips know. I face it all with great optimism. Oh, and I take a trip to Boston to visit Starfire for what might be my last vacation for a long time. Things are changing and for once I welcome the change. Right now im working and enjoying myself. I have late dinners with friends a lot, I play D&D quite often, I go to the beach and ponder things with friends, I have a new car which I like, but somehow things just dont seem right and I have that same lonely feeling I have always had and depression gets worse everyday though I fight back. I merely keep looking forward to the horizon.
I'm hoping that sometime ill find the time to go out with friends and drink a little and dance, I havent been dancing in a long time and im really bad at it anyway but I enjoy it. Sometimes you just need to get out there and have fun without too many thoughts of love, lust, romance, loss, school, hate, or anything else that can cloud the mind from enjoying a moment in time that doesnt consist of trying to voerthink the situation and just stop you from having fun with the people your with, enjoying their company, laughing that special laugh that comes from somewhere inside you and gives you this endorphined filled feeling, I look forward to the dar when someone, friend or lover or whatever can convince me to try something new that will allow me to just sit back and smile to myself and let go of this super tight hold I have over my life. Dont get me wrong the hold I have serves me well and I can control a lot of things to make my day to day life easier and I am amply rewarded for it by life but sometimes you dont want total control and in order to relax you need to let go and take it easy without having to be so uptight all the time. Sometimes people think im too uptight, that im arrogant, or that im too serious and most of the time I just ignore it but honestly that so isnt me and the people im close too will tell you that I cna be fun, I can be very happy and an enjoyable person to be around who likes to joke and flirt but that I get too caught up in things and I tend to overdramatize a lot. SO with any luck sometime ill get a chance to just go out somewhere with friends and enjoy a night or so of simple fun. So I think thats it for tonight, no big long speeches about life and how you should live it and a limited amount of self glorification, just a simple little post tonight. G'night all.


SVS

The Travelers Eyes Returned To The Stars To Search For A New Spirit

Quote Of The Day: "....You were the chosen one!!!... You were supposed to bring balance to the force not destroy it!!!...." ~Obi Wan Kinobi (Star Wars Episode II: Revenge Of The Sith)

Yep, I saw it already. Excellent movie, cant really give it enough compliments. It was everything I have ever wanted in a movie, the birth of a great and powerful evil, the corruption of the light and the rise of a shadow that soon eclipses the sun itself. But enough about that. Friends I am seeking a new co-author and it is because of something relating to balance. More and more I find that I am carrying all the weight in my novel, I have given my current co-author every chance to help produce but nothing comes of it. She ocassionally lends me a small idea here and there but ultimately does nothing and simply sits there with no thoughts at all. So now im in the amrket for a new one to share in title of auhtor and all benefits thereof. It is open to everyone, male or female, young or old but it must be a partnership that both parties contribute to the whole story. I write in fantasy as I write here. I write about power and nobility, the light and dark, corruption, betrayl, redemption of shadow, corruption of light, and all things dramatic. I need someone to help bring subtlety to all of this and to create equally powerful settings and charcters based around a brilliant storyline we create together. I can be reached at 541-290-4752, quixote_thoughts@yahoo.com Somoen for the love of the gods help with this. You need not have writing experience, you dotn even have to have read a fantasy story, although it would help, if you have one creative bone in your body that you want to develop and mold, if you have a vision of a great epic then bring it to me, let us develop it together.


SVS

The Traveler Continued To Face Down And Shout At The Heavens

Quote Of The Day: "Into the depths of madness we go, never stopping to consider if its healthy. We know only that we must and that are other concerns are tantamount to knowledge." ~Anonymous

I gotta say, that anonymous guy is 100 times popular than any other auhtor out there, must be gettin buko royalties by now. Dont ask me what exactly that means, kinda got to assume it was directed at something specific but I think we might garner from it that there is a point at which wanting something badly, something of a nature like knowledge, leads to insanity and obessesion and thats not always a bad thing. But take from it what you will.
So have I mentioned how much I hate my job lately? Its not really the work itself precisely, though that is a part of it, its more the enviroment and the ideals behind the work. To a lesser degree its some of the people involved with that work but not so much as past jobs. The principals behind it are simple, its greed and worse yet its greed hidden behind this mask of idealism that attempts to justify itself through things like "...we are providing quality customer service to our client and its customers, thereby providing and atmosphere of quality satisfaction.". I hate everything about that statement because it takes something that is horrible and ugly and tries to justify and make it beautiful, for me all it does is further prove that it is so horrible and so ugly that not even clever words and incredible stretches of justification cant help its image. But what can I say? Its corporate America, corporate any coutnry really but this is the one I live in so I have a better understanding of this one. Yeah im a conservative but I dont hold true to that label 100% of the time. Not overly fond of liberals and their ideals that they have this outlook that makes for a more moral and "equal" world but I'm not fond of the rampant greed that is so obviously seen in the conservative groups, (liberals have that greed to but they dont show it as well as the conservatives).
Lips, buddy, I know exactly how you feel. Its hard to balance school, work, and a social life, especially when you want the social part of it more than anything else somedays. Kidna wish I could honestly say that somehow I know its gonna get better and that all you have to do is be patient but I dont really believe that and im not one to say things I dont believe in unless im at work. I think that part of the reason we feel so.......shall we say frustrated and bound by our social situation is that somewhere we got the idea that this "social" promiscuity and need for a constant companion of a romantic nature is the norm. I'm not saying its not but I am saying that its possible that this is just an idea that was somehow ingrained into us perhaps by society or our own idealism and that with enough effort and concentration we can push past it or at least hold it off for the time being. I'd like to be more help here but unfortunately its something we all just have to hope gets better or solves itself and there is no garuntee of either happening.
So I was re-thinking my goal in life last night and im proud to say that I still very very much want to be a professor of Creative Writing and English Literature as well as a writer. Well to be hoenst I am a writer, just not a widely known one yet. I was thinking about what I might tell my students, other than the mechanics of both subjects, and I think that its important that I be honest with them. What would I tell a student who wants to be a writer for a career? Do it, if you think you have something to offer a large audience that would ensnare their minds and keep their eyes on your pages then by all means go for it but realize that every year the writers audience gets shorter and its becoming very competitive for readers among writers these days and you should have a secondary career that makes you just as happy with life. Ultimately if you write one poem then your already a writer but the true difference in what most people consider to be a writer is that the popular definition is a writer who writes then shares his or her writings with the world in an open and readily accessible forum by anyone who cares to read your work. The other type of writer is the one who writes and never shares it, there is nothing wrong with that and sometimes some things arent meant to be shared they are merely meant to be written and brought to life on a page.
To a literature student what would I say? Well literature isnt so much about reading and memorizing facts about authors dead and alive, its more about reading anything you can get your hands on and considering its various meanings. Why was it written? Who wrote it? What type of person were they? When did they write it? How long did it take them to write it? Did they want to write it or did they NEED to write it? Did have a point, if so what, if not then why write it? Did they believe what they wrote? Did they have anything to gain by writing it? Was there a risk in writing it? Is it acceptable for the time it was written in? What sex was the writer? What is the auhtors race? Did either of the previous questions have any bearing on what they wrote? Were they writing it for someone? Who were they writing it for? Was the author religious? Did that have any bearing on the writing? These are important questions because the better you understand the answers then the better you understand the writing itself and the many motivations behind it. Well thats it for now.

SVS

The Traveler Looked Up At The Heavens And Simply Yelled His Frustration

Quote Of The Day: "Anywhere you go, let me go to. Christine, thats all I ask of you" ~The Phantom (Andrew Lloyd Webers 'Phantom Of The Opera')

Evening friends, its been a bit since the last post I suppose. Id like to say that its because ive been busy or that I've had a lot to think about and couldnt find the time or energy to write here but it simply wouldnt be true. I cant even say that I've been too depressed to write. Rather I havent written because I found myself caught up too much in reality, a place I've often despised. I go to work, come home, get up in the morning and exercise when I can. I suddenly found myself in a place I have dreaded, complacity. I work in a cubicle damnit!!! I cannot tell you accurately how much I loathe my job, I hate knowing that what I do doesnt do ANYONE!!! any good whatsoever, that I a merely one of thousands who all do the same damn thing and not one of us truly does it any better than the other. I hate that I even started putting that job first above things id rather do in life. Money is one thing but my sanity and my pride are not for sale. I hate this place, this very hole of a void in the world. The people here are complacent and cowed, they feel so very little and know nothing of the greatness of the world around them. I was looking up on something, a memory and a thought of something long ago and I had a yearning to reach out to it, to listen to it unconditionally until it was done speaking because at the moment that I was looking at it I was feeling weak. I felt sorrow for it because I know the power and the passion that lies within, then the memory of what had happened returned I remembered that nothing so vile and nothing so undeserving of happiness will ever hold my sway again, ever bare witness to my weakest moments and be given full access to my counsel.
No, for my passion has returned and I am whole once more. My time here is quickly coming to an end and my journey to more is beggining. Rest assured that all the things that have come before and gone unanswered will return to haunt those that have wronged me and I alone will be their judge and pronounce their sentence and deal their punishment personally. To all those who know that my ire holds a special place for them, pray that I never fulfill my true potential because if I do I swear to you that I will return here and with every resource I have access to I will make sure that you feel the full weight of the misery life can bring. You will know poverty, you will know lonliness, and every immoral and illegal thing you have ever done will return to haunt you and ultimately bring you down. You are already beneath me but given time the rest of the world will see you for who you truely are, enjoy your time until then.
Was that a bit dramatic? Yes it was, but it is also true. Life is meant to be dramatic, we are not meant to be so lack luster as we often are. Good God half of you people are so dull, so undramatic that id be very much surprised to learn that you have enouch passion in all your mind to so much as ever show any of it. Who ever told you that its wrong to show that you arent dead yet, that you arent allowed to pledge your love to someone in a public forum or tell an enemy that they will rue the day they met you? This isnt wrong, this is life, this is how we are meant to be, we are not animals that have limits to the things they show. We are humanity and that carries a ring of passionate nobility with it. If you are angry then shout and yell it out so that everyone knows, if your in love then let the person know and fuel the flames of their passion as well, and if your happy then smile and do somethign to celebrate that happiness. If only we had stereos to play theme music for our moods. Think of all the organ music we would hear when someone is holding great amounts of dramatic anger in them, or how oftne the Vader March would play, how trumpets and bells would play to annouce the declaration of love, how many times at night we would hear Lady In Red or some various love song as two people realize their passion for each other. How grandeous would breakups be if they could only be put to music. Perhaps that a project to hink about for later. In fact that is somethign you should all do. Pick one or two songs for every emotion you feel in a day and play them for someone and let them guess what kind of day you had. And as im sure some of you are wondering, what would a typical day be like for Lord Shawn? Well there would be at least one song from The Phantom Of The Opera and then various things of little note during the day but then at night you would hear things like O'Fortuna, Colonne Sonore, Cannon in D, 'Come Fly With Me', 'I Need A Hero', and of course 'The Way You Look Tonight'. Perhaps 'Learn To Be Lonely' a bit too often but we all ahve our hangups I suppose. For now goodnight and learn to be passionate, learn to express yourself as you were emant to do. Oh and remember all great civilizations are built ont he back of slaves and serfs.

SVS

The Traveler Knelt In Prayer, Reflection On The Times Past

Quote Of The Day: "I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived." ~Margaret Mitchell

Ok, I dont really know the author here but I do tend to agree with her. Taking what I know now to what I once believed, yeah I remember happier and better times where as some of the worse times and arguments I dont remember so well. I still talk about those good time with fondness and elaborate, happy memory. I dont dilude myself into thinking that something simplere could ever begin again, something that is fair to both, I dont want to make ammends or try and piece something so broken and shattered back together. God knows it was worth it and every bit of bad time is outwieghed massively by the good but it wouldnt be worth it to try and mend it. There would be jealousy, we would always have something nasty to use against one another, and no matter how hard we tried we'd get mad at one another for something and the war would be worse and the wounds deeper. This journal started because of her and I can honestly be thankful for that, its never been in me to hate for a long time, I cant hold it that long, eventually it fades away and becomes forgotten. In many way I suceeded in what I set out to do, I forgot the worst parts of her and now all that remains are memories of joy and some foggy memories of anger and a few old scars. No warrior should ever walk away from the battlefield without a scar because it means he wasnt fighting for all that he is worth and he has no honor, I have many scars and I intend to have more from other battles. Respect even your enemy, they deserve your appreciation because you deserve theirs. I treasure every worthy opponenent I have ever had just as much as every great allie because in the end I learned from both. There is a quote, I dont remember the author, but I have held it to be true for as long as I can remember "The difference between a friend and an enemy if that a friend stabs you in the front". Sometimes you lose friends because of it, but at least you know they did it for your own good. I hope She knows that I ran my blade through her front and never through her back just as she did for me, I saw the blade plunge into my stomach and for that im thankful. We inflicted deadly wounds on each other but we both lived and we faced each others eyes when we did it, we never stabbed one another in the back. I did have a friend lodge a knife in my back once, and while she put one through myf ront and cried he put it through my back and never even frowned and I knew him longer. THe funny part is that her I lost, him I still have, anyone have a trade offer? No? Eh, I dont blame ya.

SVS

A Wicked Smile, The Travelers Sword Was Sharp And He Was Experienced With It. But Storm Clouds Gather Ahead

Quote Of The Day: "Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance" ~Oscar Wilde

Mr. Wilde is a man full of useful information and truths. But here I am not so sure. After thinking about it a bit I suppose I will consent to this being another one of his profound truths, though it should not be taken for its precise wording but rather the implication fo the proper wording. What I believe he is saying is that men want to believe that even though their love may have been with other men before, he is her only "true" love whereas women can be a bit more flexible in their dillusions about their man. Women instead want to believe that even though her man may have loved others, she is his last love and that in the end is all that matters. Of course neither belief is totally healthy, romantic yes but not healthy. I will take time here to point out that I am speaking ONLY of heterosexual romance and love because that is whom I cater to and, for the moment, who I am. This should not in the least deter a homosexual person from taking truths from this blog but one should realize the audience it is being primairly written for. So, to get back on track, is it healthy to believe you are the world in which your lover lives? The blunt and totally ture answer is "NO!!!". However we are imperfect, flawed, emotional, loving, breathing, thinking human beings and not everything we do is healthy. Is it "ok" to think this way? Absolutely, for love is beautiful, warm, and should fill you from top to bottom with joy when you think of yourself as your lovers light and world in which they love only for you and you for them. Do I support over romantiscizing life and love to the fullest extent of the imagination? Damned right I do, there are complicated reasons why but the short explanation is because I worship Love like many people do God. To those Christians and other believers out there, God is NOT, I repeat NOT, love. There are aspects of love in religion and parts of it in your creation but Love is an entity all its own, it is not your mythical god, do not get my belief confused with your own.
I am taking this part here to stop anyone from reading onward if they are easily offended by their sexual preference or do not want to hear some slight negativity towards homosexualism. In no way do I wish to outwardly offend anyone and I preach nothing but tolerance and harmony towards all beliefs and preferances. Stop here if you cannot handle your preference coming under some attack.
That being said, I am going to talk about my BELIEF about homsexuality. To me, there is no greater slap in the face of almighty nature and Love in its most primal form then homsexuality. Does this mean I believe it to be "wrong"? Not in the least, but I do believe that the love sparked between a male and female relationship and that of a male-male or female-female relationship is anything near the same. Millions of years of nature, isntinct, the formation of galactic and worldly natures have come together to instigate the mating of male and female creatures, nature has gone so far as to make them biologically compatible. Every creature in nature has this instinctual drawing towards one anothers opposite sex up until the development of natures most gloriouss, yet blasphemous, creation, that of Humanity. This creature, much like a young teenager of its own race, chooses to be purposely defiant against its parents of Nature and Love and actually chooses to mate with the same sex in some cases. Defying millions of years of nature, emotional magnetic attraction created by the forces that shaped the cosmos truly empowers the human creature. Humans defy their parents this way to let them know that they can make their own choices. If all humanity did this though we would commit mass genocide of a kind. As we delve deeper into humanit individuals do it for different reasons. Some openly defy their human parents by doing it, some do it to be different, other for social reasons and most importantly some do it because it is the way they feel. The last reason is the only once I consider to be acceptable, feelign without explanation. If you do it because you have had too many bad experiences with women or men then you are nothing more than subject to the whims of the world and your own confusion and need someoen to take care of you because you are NOT self sufficient. But to those who feel for no reason, that is a beauty of its own. This doesnt justify it in the eyes of nature or Love but it is an excellent reason. So, how is the love not the same? The love between male and female is biological, emotional, historical, and natural. All those things serve to strengthen that bond and help to solidify it, whereas homosexual love is purely emotional, not one bit natural, humanitairly historical, or biological. This doesnt lessen the bond, it just makes it different and aloof from its mighty cousin. For my own purposes I will refer to the love between male and female as "true love" and the homsexual love as "Dissentious Love" (it means "defiant", basically). Though the moon shines bright and strong sometimes it has no comparison to the light that is the sun, it doesnt hold the same luminesent strength or warmth and indeed shines only because of the sun behind it but the light of the moon is not to be discounted as soemthing uniquely beautiful and wonderful, such is the nature of dissentious love in comparison to true love. Make no mistake though, dissentious love is a man made creation, born of mans defiance against his creators. But we are allowed our defiance, it is what makes us the unsurpassed masters of the planet, perhaps one day of the stars and it is why god and all his angels fear us and tremble in heaven. Through decisions we are amde more powerful than the gods because we are fickle and can turn upon thema t any moment or praise them for their gift of life to us and all they can do is sit and watch as the rising tide of humanity takes hold of the stars and begin to reach out into the universe seeking their creators for either worship or revenge. Dont believe me? Get your own damned blog and write about it then.

SVS

The Traveler Felt The Need To Practice With His Newly Honed Sword

Quote Of The Day: "And beauty is a form of genius.... is higher, indeed, than genius, as it needs no explanation. It is of the great facts of the world, like sunlight, or springtime, or the reflection in the dark waters of that silver shell we call the moon . It cannot be questioned. It has its divine right of sovereignty. It makes princes of those who have it." ~Oscar Wilde from The Picture of Dorian Gray

Never a truer phrase has ever been spoken, our Mr. Wilde was a man with unsurpassable talent for the pen. A great part of me idolizes Oscar Wilde because those that have read his works know precisely how over romanticized his writing is and how wonderful it is for that same reason. A lot of people tend to ignore those ancient romantic ways because they say that it gets you no where or that it is a lost art. Is is also said that in the face of rising equality, notions like chivalry, romantiscism, and what was once called "gentlmanly ways" are now termed inequal treatment, a "degrading" of the stature of a woman, and most heinous of all it is a homage to the subserviance of a woman unto a man. These liberal feminists have had their equal say in the matter, they have told us all what they believe and what they think about the matter and we must respect their opinions........ however, I have not yet had my say on the matter and I do intend to spell out my thoughts, beliefs, and the very facts of the matter. First off we switch to true red text because, as we all know, red is the color of passion, love, violence, and untameable strength. Second of all let us first know the nature of our enemy, those who degrade the ancient ways of romance and speak blasphemy against our lady of love. These liberal feminists are those who are TRULY un-equal to anyone elese because so terrible is their hate of themselves and what a woman is that they seek to try and blidn the world around them to whatever smattering of beauty that might be left within them and without them. The ideals of feminism do have a place in the world for too long woman WAS subservient to men in THIS country, but now women make just as much if not more pay than their male counterparts (although this is not 100% accurate all the time but it is better than what it once was) and women serve in government and all facets of great corporations. Women actors and singers have just as big a name as any man. However still the feminist Nazi's who championed great causes like the right to vote and equal pay now turn their attentions to the social facets of life. Now they lay siege to the fortresses of romance and seek to eradicate a romantic sentiment that has been around since before they were born. Why is it considered a threat to a womans equality when a man opens a door for her? What causes this notion in the minds of our female counterparts? Idiocy, moronic idealism, and a lack of common sense. We men are nto seeking to eradicate the equality of a woman when we open a door for her, rather we are raising her above our own heads so that the world may appreciate her better. Think about this, we know you can open the damned door, but we do it for you so that we might admire you more and show our appreciation of the fact that you are alive and well within the same world that we too occupy, this isnt an insult this is a form of great appreciation and one of the greater ways to truly give you equality. For those of you who really want to dive down and fight with me on this, yes I did say that WE "give" it to you because like it or not this entire world WAS once male dominated and while you fight for a lot of equality some of it MUST be given otherwise it is not TRULY equality, much like freedom equality must be given as well as taken. Chivalry is NOT a way of controlling a woman it is a way of appreciating her, whether she is a close friend or an unkown stranger. Most men do not feel the need to constantly control the women around them, rather most men feel the need to obey the women around them. In my generation the larger percentage of males were raised by either their mothers or other female presences. Women who choose to stay at home and raise their children and take care fo their home and family instead of having a career in some business are sacrificing NOTHING because being a mother and a woman who wishes to dedicate herself to ehr family is NOT an easy task and anyone who degrades a woman for choosing home over an office knows so little of the world and their own place in it that he or she barely deserves to live in it. Women have far more rights in this country than they realize, but they must also realize that we cannot ever be truly equal for it is a fact of medical nature that men CANNOT bare children and men do not ovulate therefore in true equality we are not. In the interest of fostering peace and trying to show my fair hand I turn my righteous gaze toward men. More so than that I am going to specifically single out one man as a testament to the iron clad force of balance in the world. This one man embodies everything that feminism stands against and his attitude toward women is so apalling that even I have to simply look away because I cannot stand him in that respect. I speak simply of Private Jackass, who shall now be called (because of promotion due to being a better tool of the murders we call war in the United States Army) Specialist Jackass. Our friend Jackass seems to see women as objects of pleasure and living sexual art. While this is ocassionally acceptable in the right situations he bears little respect for women unless he knows them personally and even then it is not always so because when they are out of hearing distance they suddenly become reffered to as "a piece of hot ass I enjoyed tapping" a direct quote from the Specialist. Men like this degrade the entire male society. There is no honor, no bravery, no intelligence of any kind in these men because they act the way they do because, like the Nazi femininsts, they feel no self worth and indeed they are worth very little anyway. Jackass is a friend of mine, a close and personal friend but I can see his behavior for what it is and I learned long ago to not condone or support his actions despite the long standing nature of our friendship. That being said I continue onwards. So what is it about these men that cause them to view women as nothing more than sexual meat and assume all women harbor great amounts of promiscuity? I can only deduce that this behavior is derived from the parents, specifically the nature of the father and the acts of the mother. In the case of Specialist Jackass its hard to say because I know only the polite and geneial sides of his parents and know little of their more private natures. But rest assured that we intelligent honorable men see these others as disgraces of humanity. Their ways of thinking are old and archaic, barbaric and totally without a smidgeon of honor or loyalty to themselves. These men are the same who constantly cheat on their girlfriends, wives, or what have you. These men are the same who sleep with the females that are the objects of their friends affections and then see no harm in it. We great men of intellect and honor do not harbor these others, indeed we damn them away from our minds. Again Jackass is one of my oldest friends but when it comes to romance and honor he has little and indeed Horse Boy has more in his hand than Jackass has in his whole body. Here is an interesting fact though, these dishonorable disgraces of male society care very little for the respectability or honor of women unless it coems to their mothers, than they defend them till vicotry or death. Why? Hard to say but I would suspect that it is because they secret away Freudian feelings for their mothers and hold them as the only valuable women in their lives. So what conclusion do we draw from this? We see that feminists and "macho" men are in actuality the same type of personality. Both have little worth and both have ideas that the truly intelligent person finds laughable and stupid, especially when these ideas are put into action in reality, than we truly see how inoperable these archaic and stupid beliefs really are when put to test. Our conclusion can be sumed up as being said that equality comes from appreciation and not alienation of the opposite sex. Instead of standing off against one another, glorify one another. More importantly we learn that romance is just a form of glorification, a much more personal and greater form, that chivalry is a glorification of a woman by a man, and that enlightenment holds no place for feminists or the "dominant macho man".
Now I realize I may have a mixed audience of varying opinions that are different from mine own and that perhaps some of this may have been interpreted as offensive or even rude so I feel it my honorbound duty to say that.................................deal with it you stupid whiners, this is my page, my time, and you came here WILLINGLY, you kept reading of your own volition and NOTHING is stopping you from pushing the "X" in the corner of the page but yourself. Please address all complaints, concerns, ideas, and notions that you think you have a better understanding of anything I say than I do to either Quixote_Thoughts@yahoo.com or the dark lord of hell when you get there. Have a pleasent evening :-)

SVS

In His Medatative State Thoughts Of Starships Lingered On The Travelers Mind

Quote Of The Day: "Females and finances dont mix"
~Rule Of Acquisicion #94

I couldnt agree more, woman+money=trouble and woman+large sums of money=disaster. Then you have woman+man+money=big problems, but most importantly of all man+large sum of money / woman= bankruptcy. Ok, ok this is 100% true but in a lot of cases it does hold true. Of course men have their fare share of financial problems but I am a man and this is MY blog so ill just ignore that and not talk about that side of it. No, im not kidding I really am going to ignore it, this isnt an essay and I definately dont have to be fare or cater to both sides. For those of you who havent noticed, and I know at least 1 of you have, I've been using Star Trek quotes a lot. Why? Well mostly because I love Star Trek, and yeah im a bit of a trekkie, I have Trek ringtones on my cell phone (541-290-4752).
So lately Ive felt somewhat inspired to do more writing, although it hasnt been on my novel its been for poetry. And ill eventually post the poetry in the archives but for now ill just slap them in here for the time being. So without further ado I give you two new poems, handcrafted by yours truly.
Moses Cries

In winters fire the heavens bloomed,
life radiated its blessed gift upon the world,
but in our garden of forever we sought escape.
Though the path be long, and the price terrible,
we planted within ourselves the fruit of damnation
and it grew stronger each day obscuring our eyes,
for its flowers are heavily pollinated and we all have its allergy.
There are those who speak of saviors from above
or pledge to those below for salvation but…….
it is we few who know the truth,
the truth of the power within each of us.
Not some ancient faith, or prayer to beings beyond
but a belief in ourselves, salvation through self redemption.
Unto our fellows we must pledge our faith, together as one race
so that the universe may tremble at our mighty feet,
the very cosmos bend to the singular will of our individuals.
Place your faith not in your creator, or on your judge.
Instead place it in who and what you are so you may lift us all.

Shawn V. Stengar March 30th, 2005

The Freedom Of Religion

We are gathered here today to pay tribute,
tribute to a fallen comrade, but mostly to a friend
Here, on his field of battle, we lay him to rest
mindful of the joy he brought to us in life,
mindful of the joy he brings our hearts even in death,
and especially mindful of his sacrifice for us.
Saddened are we, not by his loss, but by our loss of him
for he now knows no pain, no sorrow.
Indeed today is a great day for him
for today his energy is given back unto our earth,
his body returned to the soil from whence it came,
and the wisdom of his mind released to the cosmos.
Parts of him live on in our memories and in our hearts
These pieces of him in each of us form a whole,
so that he is never truly gone until we are.
So long as each of us live, so to does he.
Treasure yourselves and give glory to all mankind,
ignore your gods, for it is we that truly how sway,
and command the forces of life and death.
For so long as even one of us lives
then none truly die and we are immortal,
everlasting in our own grace,
free from the shackles of our gods.

Shawn V. Stengar March 31st, 2005

So there you are, my newest creations. You can always find my other works on Http://www.poetry.com under Shawn Stengar Theres other works on there that I may or may not have posted before. Enjoy if you want. If you want to give CONSTRUCTIVE critiscm on my COPYRIGHTED works then please do so by addressing your comments to Shawn V. Stengar at Quixote_Thoughts@yahoo.com I really do welcome CONSTRUCTIVE critiscm, and of course I always welcome glowing praise. Well goodnight all, time for bed again.

SVS

Now The Traveler Sat In Deep Thought, Meditating For The Long Road Ahead

Quote Of The Day: "Mr. Spock the women on your planet are logical. That's the only planet in the galaxy that can make that claim" James Tiberius Kirk (Elaan Of Troyius)

Mmmm, I cant help but agree here. Seldom do you find a woman who is the least bit logical in her true nature. Not that im complaining, I love an illogical woman, makes the arguments more entertaining, the flirting more lively, and......well some things are better left to the imagination. I think this evening friends our post will be all about the glorification of women. Some guys love timid, shy women who draw their gaze without having too try. Other guys enjoy women who are bold but subtle, some prefer light of the mind and heavy in the chest. But what does your Lord Shawn like? Most people automatically guess that I prefer shy, light of the mind, and heavy of the chest. I cannot help but fin this more laughable, although understandable due to the fact that my last intrest was DEFINATELY light of the mind and somewhat chesty. However, I prefer bold, intelligent, clever, subtle, witty, and sarcastic. Many of you know about my preference for redheads but that definately isnt a requirement since reheads generally arent subtle, clever, and usually fair of intelligence. Although that not 100% true. Now I have nothing against the gay community, I really dont but I dont think I could ever truly be gay. Not because I have some archaic notion of some stupid notion of it being morally wrong but rather I am so in awe of the female form, the veryd esign of women. Ahh well im off to bed.

SVS

Tonight The Traveler Sharpened The Steel Of His Vorpral Blade, Again Preparing For The Journey Ahead

Quote Of The Day: "Nobody understands you in this century unless you swear every other word. You'll find it in all the literature of the era: Jackelyn Susann, the novels of Harrold Robbins." -James Tiberius Kirk

Ahh, too true. It seems the younger generations of this world, mine included, seem to be pre-occupied with swearing in order to convey a point. Its like the man said "...and good authors too, who once knew better words, now only use four letter words...." (Frank Sinatra- Anything Goes). But what causes this pre-occupation and slander/abuse of the language? Rebellion against polite and acceptable society, rebellion against religon, rebellion against the older generations, basically just pick a reason. But these days its perpetuated by TV, Movies, Books, magazines, everything around us. But rather than fight it I say f*%k it and accept it now as a part of the culture. What I really wanted to do tonight was rant about religion and Christianity. But after arguing with someone about it tonight who A) doesnt know his history, B) his science, C) or even his Bible its kinda put me off a little. Its ridiculous really, he is the type of guy who is nice and kind and all but says shit like "gays go against gods will and they are commiting vulgar evil acts of perversion", or calls them "fags", or says sterotypical things about mid-eastern cultures and such. It drives me insane that these people are so vain and confident in their beliefs that they have the first and last say in what is evil and what isnt. The fact they believe in pure forms of good and evil speaks of how mornonic they truly are. Evil or Good both have no known pure forms. Although I disagree about some of the behavior of gay rights activists I dont for one moment believe they are evil or impure or perverted in nature. I support the right to choose your sexual preference, a woman right to choose what to do with her body, an individuals rights to choose and pay for sex change operations. If there is a god, I sure dont believe he would be so petty as to deny a person access to heaven because of their sexual preference. I have gay male friends, gay female friends, and I cant ever imagine hating them for their choices, its not even in me to think of their choice as anything but natural because thats the way I was raised to beleive, that people are people no matter their choices. I have friends from all different religions; Wiccan, Christian, Muslim, Buddahist, The Followers Of Lucifer (ask me about it sometime), Catholic, Jewish, and probably a few I've forgotten. But this guy I soemtimes talk to is one of those ignorrant christians who dont even know their own belief very well much less be able to pick apart someone elses. I for one find the Bible to be fascinating, mostly the old testament. Mostly I ignore beliefs in other religions I worship only the light of Love and the beauty of Life. Personally im mostly straight, I love Women. The very nature of women, their way of being and generally everything about them stirs the passionate chords within me. I acknowledge that men too have their own uniqueness, men have a certain sculpted art to them, a muscle physique you dont usually find in women, certainly a macho confidence that is uinque primairly to males. But I choose to be attracted to women, having an intimate knowledge of both sides helps though. I firmly believe that our society is progressing to a more accepting way of being. Well its off to bed again, take care and goodnight.

SVS

The Traveler Readied His Armor, Ready To Soon Put In On For Defence In The Long Journey Ahead

Quote Of The Day: "Losing family helps us to find our family. Not necessarily the family that is our blood, but the family that may become our blood." William Forrester (Finding Forrester-2000)

Well apologies that I havent been writing much, not really a whole lot to say or tell at the moment. Little tired of self glorification at the moment too, so that kinda limits our forum here doesnt it? lol, really just looking forward to sometime off after this next term. Hoping to take a week and go camping in the eastern part of the great redneck sandbox that is Oregon. Id like to go with a bunch of close friends but even if its just me and just oen of them id be happy cause I just want to go camping, its something I enjoy doing, its relaxing for me. I want to go hike around Fort Rock and just enjoy myself without worries for a bit. Believe it or not this much is taking a loooooong time to write. Well its off to bed for the remainder of the night.

SVS

The Traveler Could Nearly See The Border Of His Homeland Ahead And Smiled As He Prepared To Cross It

Quote Of The Day: "Dont try to be a great man, just be a man and let history make its own judgments." - Zefram Chocrane

Finally friends we are coming near the great turning point, the portal to the mighty beyond, our steps into the world echo with greatness. At last the last trimester here at SOCC in little North Bend has arrived. Beyond this last segment lies the a summer for thought, a time when one must make his appeal to his gods to oversee the future in which he himself will be made a god and ascend to greatness. As always, knowledge is my future but there is something else ahead of me, a shadow that obscures my sight. For the first time I am free of all ties that bind me here. The last one severed leaving me open to the world around me. TIll now I have lingered in this place, haunting the remains of somethjing I did not want to let go of, but now the bonds are cut, my future free, the Traveler nears the border of his homeland and prepares to cross it at last into the trackless expanse of hte world beyond. However some will never know this freedom and we who are about set out to conquer and subjigate this world in our own name salute Her and Her kind. May she never leave this squallid hell hole and forever be bound to it for the crimes of immorality, stupidity, and bad judgment, with Her Wonderboy will also forever stay Ive no doubt. He too is a casulty of a war fought by your great Lord Shawn, in truth he was slave to my will and servant to my mind. But him I pitty, it was an acident that he was lost so, that he was reducded to little more than a sad whimpering hump of humanity. He was made so because I drained him of any intelligence and usefulness to the world. She was conquered by my sheer will, I had a great fondness for her but like all those who do not understand greatness she fled in fear and fled directly into a hole which she cannot escape. My forces have left the field and the fighting is done, now it is time to move on and conquer the next foe. Ashland and her people shall be next, though I come for knowledge now and not war, though I may well find it in some. This Lord and his forces hail to the conservatives who are constantly besieged in that little town and we go to drive back the liberals, perhaps we may restore morality after all.


SVS

Again, The Traveler Began His Long Journey, Turning His Attention Towards Other Things

Quote Of The Day: "We may believe all we wish but truth will always be." ~anonymous


Belief can be a funny thing, sometimes a totally rational intelligent person can take something simply and obvious and twist it completely around so that it fits their purpose. We know this to be true because we have seen it many many times in the past. Numerous religious groups have that human ability to their advantage both in present and in the past, and no doubt in the future. Nazi Germany was masterful at it, it turned it into a veritable art. Politicians are Rembrandts of this art. But these are just examples of how it is used in a less than positive way. But before I keep going there is one thing you must remember, that for good or bad this is a form of deception meant to deceive the listeners into believing something that is NOT true. So, where else is this deception used? You might be surprised. Liberals often use this deception when trying to pull upon your heart strings so that you will give your support in pulling down companies that truly are NOT violating law, violating morals and ethics? Definitely but not the law. What exactly are we talking about here? Sweatshops, places where people are payed ridiculous wages in exchange for long days of grueling work. Is this morally right? No. Is this ethically right? No. Is it lawfully wrong in the countries where they do it? No. If this was in the United States it would be against our laws but the fact that they do it in countries that allow it means that they do not violate one single law because they are NOT enslaving anyone. Liberals will try and tell you that this is slavery, its not. So long as the person is payed even a fraction of a penny then it is defined as payment. The difference between trade and slavery is choice, so long as there is a choice it is not slavery. Liberals are masterful at trying to make you look at everything but the simple truth. Yes it’s a horrible choice to not work and starve yourself and possibly family but scavenging for food but it is a choice. The fact that you do not FEEL you cannot afford that CHOICE doesn’t change the meaning of it, it doesn’t take away that option, it simply means you do not WANT to take that choice. Now its not true that they deceive us on purpose, the fact is that some of them actually believe what they’re saying, and its not hard to see how they might not be able to face the truth. Some of them do do it on purpose and its not always easy to tell which is doing it for what reason. Liberals aren’t limited to this either, conservatives have a reputation for doing it too. The reason why I feel the need to focus on the liberals this evening is because they are the ones who protest more innocence and caring. How much can you care if you deceive so much?

SVS

His Sword Bloodied, The Traveler Sat Down Against A Tree On The Edge Of A Great Field

Quote Of The Day: "Do you believe in destiny? That even the powers of time can beordered for a single purpose?" ~Dracula (Bram Stokers: Dracula, 1992)


Well I'm back, more or less, a little brusied and bloodied from the preverbial fields of battle but Ive survived and lived to fight another day. Did I retreat? No, I can honestly say I stood my ground, fought, and gave it my all until a silence settled over the battlefired. Was I victorious? Well, sometimes in war there is no victor, both sides simply lose resources and end up ceasing to fight and go home, such is the case here. I lost a lot but so did the other side. So where does that leave your glorious Lord? I'm a Lord who is tired of fighting for the moment, though that doesnt mean I wouldnt stand up and fight again if I had to. Love, my friends, is truly a battlefield, no matter hwo corny that is it is completely accurate. For now I leave that field of battle and fall back with my remaining forces to heal wounds, get rest, and perhaps get a new perspective. The only thing worse than losing a battle is not winning it but not losing it either. As always my allies were waiting just behind the drawn lines, waiting to offer comfort and support. But we cannot hope to forever rely upon them for they too fight their own battles across the fields of eternity. When they say that love is a battlefield its true but it should also be explained that love is only a battlefied, life is the war we fight and we fight against death and unhappiness. The point of the battle with love is to fight as hard as possible and, depending upon who your are, to either win, lose, or join forces. If you win you end up dominating the other person thorughout life, if you lose then you are dominated, but for me I seek an alliance to combine my forces and their so that together we can forge ahead in the war together. In the case of friends, they are merely allies, but when you join with someone in the battle of love you are more than allies you are one whole force. Right now I am Lord Shawn and I stand alone on the fields of eternity facing down my enemys with wavering honor, and failing courage. I seek an ally to bolster my forces and my strength. There are very very very few of us who can stand alone in this war and live to a natural age, we simply do not have the strength to varry on without another, our strength fails and we lose our mettle. And yes, it must be a female ally, for me men dont hold what I need. I tend to believe that most of us seek the opposite sex because it is the combination of the two sexes that form together to make a more perfect union, a coupling that enables both to bear the weight of the world because they each have unique talents that help. With a same sex alliance its different you merely bolster what you already have instead of forming something new, and theres nothing wrong with that, its merely a choice. I'm far more interested in creating something new and different than bolstering what I already have. I know what men are like, and its great to be a man but I wouldnt want to live with one forever and share each portiong of my life with one. Instead I find that women hold much more appeal but I do not discredit those who choose the same sex, blessings to all and to each one for just making a choice can be the hardest thing in life.
My apologies for not posting sooner but theres been a lot I had to think about and I really did feel like being alone, I still do a little, but I figured it had been long enough. Unfortunately I have also found that relying upon various friends to carry through with things that might have made me feel a little better and perhaps given them something in return can be hopeless. I dont feel badly towards any one particular friend, its just that actually relying on some of them is something I cant apparently do.

SVS

The Foe Beaten And The Harlot Exposed For All To See The Traveler Forged Ahead Head Held Proudly Up

Quote Of The Day: "It is said an eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him with the words, 'And this, too, shall pass away.' How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!" ~Abraham Lincoln

Truly an inspiring quote from one of the Nations greatest leaders. Thank to all and to each one of the many of you who sent me e-mail in the last few days to tell me how much you support me and how I should let all this nastiness pass, although a few of you were a little harsh in calling Her the names that you did I do agree with you this time and I will not chastize you for it. Most importantly I must do something before I go on with my entry here. Dalamar, I express to you my most sincere apologies but even more so to your wonderful girlfriend. On my knees I apologize and ask forgiveness, sometimes we blind ourselves to truths we dont like. Both of you were MORE than right, especially about that persons acting ability LOL, truly did stink didnt it? Ahh well I hope we can let it be water under the bridge. In truth your girlfriend fits into her clothing just fine and it was Her that bulges out the bottom LOL, you were right about that. Friends all of you were amazingly supportive, I have not recieved even ONE e-mail saying I wasnt totally right in what I said and not one saying anything in her defence. It seems you are all intelligent persons and im happy to have each one of you as readers. In the coming months ahead we will begin to move on with things and get back to exploring ideas and thoughts. But there are others I must address first. Starfire and Starlight the two of you are some of my most staunch supporters I thank you both for that, I bow to the genius of two brilliant women, my betters in life. Lips, you were right all along about her. LMAO Even Wonderboy had her pegged. All of you have my full support in continuing to call me on stupid rash decisions made mroe from the pelvis than the brain LOL. Oh, before I go on, to Her, and she knows who she is as well as any of her supporters, of so very very few there are that are Harlots or tramps of her own kind, you may want to remove your eyes and thoughts from this page, here I rule and here I tolerate only those that I like, all others know how to close the window. That said we move on. I will be back later this week to give you some new thoughts, updates, maybe some more pics when I get them developed. Oh my apologies to those of you viewing the Galleria, I had to remove certain picture because they made me gag looking at them ;-)
SVS

For The First TIme The Traveler Took Out His Righteous Sword And Raised It In True Defence

Quote Of The Day: "Angels and ministers of grace defend us" -anonymous

Ok, no excuses here and no reasons why I should let go of any foolish thoughts about defence of those who "seem" innocent. It was more than "innocent" shoulder rubs you cheap piece of human waste. Nothing would please me more than for people who have acutal intelligence and fully fledged brains to realize just how much of a waste of human breath you truly are. You are nothing more than a harlot, for lack of a more offensive word, a cheap thrill on a passing evening for someones fancy. Those who would devote themselves to you eternally will realize at some point that you merely touched their fancy for a brief time and you only "seemed" like a good idea. The fact that mankind is fallable is realized in the fact that I could willingly blind and fool myself for so long into not believing what everyone around the both of us was saying. They warned me at every turn, I was privvy to information from those who would have shielded me from things but I chose not to believe in favor that cheap and useless tramps of human beings did not exist behind such professions of innocence. I will not dare give you the dignity of placing any reference of your true name here because you matter that little. When you are raising many many small children still in this hole in the world and have detiriorated into nothing but a fat lump of humanity you will know what you truly are and that no matter how strong your belief in some unseen diety who will never come you will still rott to dust and be scattered to the winds so that this world will have completely forgotten you as so many of us prefer to. I will not give you the dignity of living in my memories, you will be purged from my ever thought and every neuron will have erased you forever. COntinue to write about me if you like, continue to complain but those who read and do not know me will never care whereas these readers, these fully developed intelligent people will know who you are, what you are, and already believe you to be nothing less than some cheap thrill for an unamed person on a drunken night where loyalty meant nothing and adultery meant everything. Trust me when I say that this will happen again, you will falter and succumb to the lust that controls every little thought you have and you will find yourself ALONE AGAIN. You will one day find yourself alone for the last time and you will be layed to rest by two strangers and a priest, all of whom had no idea who you were and have no inkling to care. This is not a curse, I wouldnt give you that, this is fact and a premonition based on the fact that some people never change and that they have placed themselves in an unending circle of infidelity. May whatever great force that helps to control our universe be blessed because it has saved man many of us from making a big mistake and condemed one of us to learn his lesson more than once. But like all the men in your life he will leave you, it starts with parentage and moves all the way down into the relationships of life, no male would ever willingly stay. Dont believe me? Take a look at your life yourself.

SVS

It Seemed The Traveler Had Given Up On Hoping To Find That Friend On The Same Road Anymore, She Was Merely A Memory Now

Quote Of The Day: "Risk is part of the game if you want to sit in that chair......" ~Captain James T. Kirk (William Shatner, Star Trek: Generations)

Somtimes we spend so much time pursuing a person and trying to win their approval or affection and we put everything we have into doing something for them and then it becomes all too apparent that they really dont understand how much we care, or perhaps they just dont want to know. But then at some point you might just look up from holding your head in your hands or from staring at the ground in sad dissapointment and realize that they arent worth your time if they dont get it. If they cannot see plainly how much you care or what they mean to you in your hearts dearest chamber than they arent worthy of your adoration and ultimately you should just go on and leave them behind to wallow in their sad little world. They may complain how no one wants them, how no one pays attention to them, or even how everyone seems to dissapoint them or abandon them but apparently they cant see when your reaching out to them. Such is the case for me. I tried to help, I tried to offer my affections to someone who wasnt feeling their best but they ignored it. Now im not saying that they cant keep complaining about their situation because they can and its well within their rights but how valid can the complaint be if they were offered a chance to have a friend help them smile? I've had a lot of experieince with depression, growing up aroudn and with it. The most important thing I've learned about it is that sometimes people just want to be depressed and they'll come out of it then theres the people that live in depression, they may smile at times but ultimatley they dont want to be happy because they turn down every chance for happiness. I've got all the time in the world to help a friend, nothing makes me happier than to help someone smile but in this case im done trying to make the connection, to bridge the gap of sielence. Now its Her turn to come to me, not on her knee's begging but just to find me and ask for help because I have worn myself thin trying to bridge that gap alone. I havent done anything wrong yet I have been treated like I am guilty. If She thinks im guilty than she is alone in ehr trial because I know im not and even more to my point is the fact that I am the one whos been doing all the talking her, she's never accused me of anything or asked me how I felt about certain things. Nope, I may not be innocent but im not guilty either.
Now on to better things. A friend of mine, we'll call her Mouse Girl cause she wears glasses and has mousy brown hair and is kinda short, seems to have found herself someone that makes her happy. He seems like a nice guy who just needed to meet a girl who didnt want to mess with his head and screw his emotions over. I've seen him at Dutch Bros a lot, so I guess we can always call him the Coffee Guy. Well now they both work at the same place I do and I am truly glad that they seem to have found one another. I seem them together a lot, Ive seen them go home together. Even in the darkest of places people can still find light. She's good for him because she isnt jealous of every girl that comes along and she doesnt obsess when other girls sit next to him and talk to him, flirt with him, and try to distract his gaze, a gaze that seems only set on her for the moment. But then again, thosee girls arent his type, he has expressed that much in his words and im glad to have helped him make the best decision for him. Hell hath no fury like a woamn scorned? Maybe, but heaven quakes with the fury of a man.

SVS

Just popping in long enough to post the links to my other two sites. I have one new page that is for pictures only. Of course you can still find all my creative writings on http://www.minitia.blogspot.com But now you can find all sorts of fun and interesting pictures on http://www.fromhellsheart.blogspot.com Enjoy and have fun.

SVS

Walking Down The Path The Traveler Hoped To Catch Up To His Companion Soon For He Had Missed Her Company

Quote Of The Day: "Don't screw up the best thing in your life just because your a little unsure of who you are." ~Family Man (movie) 2000

Hello all, welcome to another session of madness from he who dwells within the heart of insanity. Before you begin to ask yourself, yes I am still depressed, heart broken, and low as ever but I am coming to some understandings that may help. New possibilities have come to my attention and, as this is MY blog and I decide what to write and who about then I shall. First I still recognize that it was my fault to have tried to develop something more than friendship with Her, I acknowledge my mistake and accept the consequences but before some of you jump to forgone conclusions lets, instead, see if I had much of a choice. Without putting too fina a point on any one thing we shall analyze the evidence that points to the object of my esteemed affections being nothing more than a harlot who's true worth as a comrade, confidant, and friend is no more higher than her knowedge fo yours truly......or her caring. But lets do this methodically, shall we?
Lets start with what friends should and should not do to one another if even one of them wants to remain TOTALLY platonic. StarLight, my dear, take no offense as I shall use you and I as an example. Both Starlight and I once shared a minor attraction to one another. At the time I didnt reciprocate her attraction to me but I did value her as a friend. Can anyone tell me what I should have avoided doing to encourage false feelings in her? 1) Intimate Physical contact, i.e. massages, neck rubs, intimate hugging, ect. 2)Anything that could be mis-construed as romantically misleading, i.e singing to her, any saying of "I love you" no matter the meaning, excessive flattery 3) Mentioning of attraction to other, i.e. speaking too much about other women that I am attracted to UNLESS asked first. Now one might ask why avoid these things. Because it would only serve to mislead and hurt her and as a friend I certainly dont want to mislead and NEVER hurt her. I didnt do those things, I still dont, because I am INTELLIGENT enough not to, because I dont want her to be hurt in any way. Next on our evidence list is that I am only 1 of the MANY MANY men that she has done this with. I wont fo into details about the other things she has done with a *cough* friend of mine that both wounded me and made me jealous more than I ever have been but suffice it to say its a long list and there is only so many hours in the year/day/month.
Third, and this is the one that wounds me to the very core of my existence, the thing I almost cant forgive. I can easily dismiss everything else were it not for this. She failed in her duty as an "alleged" friend to keep me or even make me feel like I mean ANYTHING TO HER. If she, or any friend, told me ther were going to purge me from their midn because my memory and thoughts of me caused them to much distress then I would want to talk it over, help them, reverse any damage done or basically do whatever I could to make up for it. But I was not given such considerations. This is a two way street and though I am strong in spirit and determined to keep it alive I cannot do it on my own and it is foolish to try.
It should be taken to note that the above was written on a long night at work when I was bitter and not the least bit happy. It was only last night that I found that Birthday Card and I was reminded of how much can be lost with stupid actoins of BOTH sides. I took all the blame unto myself that would be equally as foolish, but I do acknowledge some of it. But im afraid this time I take less than half but I am still seeking forgiveness none the less. For what is life if we cannot "Once More Unto The Fray"?

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Continuing Down The Road The Traveler Pulled His Hood Up And Ignored The Pain Of The Past

Quote Of The Day: "Life is the future, not the past." ~Wizard's Seventh Rule

At certain times in ones life one needs to remind themselves of exactly who they are and where they came from, and most importantly, where they are going. SO for your reading pleasure I present to you, Myself:
I am Shawn Vincent Stengar, a Gemini born May the 23rd of 1983 in Coos Bay, Oregon. Son to Johanna May Warner and Gary Gail Stengar, brother to Laurie Ann Bjorkquist and Cindi Michelle Stengar. I grew up in Sumner Oregon on a small farm style house in the countryside outside Coos Bay/North Bend. I was raised by my GrandMother Frances Bjorkquist, my Grandfather John Bjorkquist, my Mother, and my Aunt Anna Bjorkquist. At no time in my life did I ever not feel loved by my family. I have always been surrounded by friends and family. I have been called many things and seen as many things but at heart I have and always will be a decent loving person. Never, in my life, have I ever subscribed to one religion and never have closed my mind to the possibilities of life after death. I come from a warm and wonderful loving family, I stand now inbetween the past and the future. My aim for the future is to be a teacher of literature and writing so that future generations may understand that literature is more than just words on a page adn writing is more than just spelling correctly and being grammatically correct. In every way do I look for love and I believe in the power of mankind above all other things. Despite the wicked thigns we do, the terrible pain we inflict on other, I believe that no God or or "supposed" "Higher" being will ever be able to equal our ingenuity, strength, courage, brilliance, or the greatness that endures with the legacy of mankind. I am an admirer of women, no more perfect being could have been created. I dont believe any woman sits higher than me, no woman I have ever cared for has been anything more than my equal and certainly nothing less. This is who I am.

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Something Dark Stirred Within The Traveler, A Power And Understanding That He Felt Thrum With Energy Deep Down Inside Him

Quote Of The Day: "...'Faithfulness is not a quality I admire in you, Christine. Desire is only a demon, Christine. hell is getting what you desire.' ........... 'He sold his soul to the devil so the world would love him for his talent. The devil had a price. He mutilated his face so terribly, that no one could stand to love him ever again.'..." ~The Phantom Of The Opera (1989 by Andrew Loyd Webber)

One of my first loves, as theatre is concerned, was the Phantom Of The Opera. This was the very first play that I ever remember seeing and it captivated me in a way not many things or people can. Something about the music stirs the soul, and inspires the mind for great things in me. Much about this perfect piece of theatre shows us the grey area inbetween good and evil, it shows us that they are nto so blakc and white but that sometimes in life the dark grey can actually be a more powerful force and a better friend than the white or ligt grey can ever aspire to be. The Phantom has long been a hero of mine, a hero who does not ride on a whiote horse or wear that perfect armor but rather choose to cloak himself in darkness and strike out at the zealous light and teach it what is truly divine. I am now waking from my sadness and I feel it slipping away into a void of nothingness where I feel nothing but pride and power. It is here that I see what the world is in a different light. Yes the world is cruel, yes the world is a horrid selfish place where we toil to our own ends andyes it is filled with darkness so deep that there is no bottom to it. But that does not mean the world does not hold great beauty for those who wish to open their eyes, or can provide great amounts of confidence and power in the one who dares to touch that power. Out of the ashes of this failure I will pick myself up and dust myself off, I will forget her and she will eventually slip from my conscious memory to be hidden away in the recesses of my mind. I see now that this is the only way and I do not deny my heart yearning and burning to hang onto her with all its strength and its might but my mind and my conviction to do what I must is stronger and the heart will be forced to learn that it will heal if given time and if it chooses to forget her. This is nothing against her, it is just that I cannot bare to see her with another and see that lowly unworthy worm of a man not realize the great love that he has before him, in a different world and a different time I would have rose from my fallen position and taken him into my hands and watched as he realized just how unworthy he was, but the world has changed and things are not as they once were. Now instead of being the hero to ride in on his white horse clad in his gleaming silver armor I instead choose to play the darker hero who wears black robes and holds a staff rather than sword, the Gods know that if she called that I would I would return on my black horse in my dark robes and be every bit the hero but eventually even that thinking will be forced from me in favor of a much grander change in myself. In this world my only passion will eventually be my writing, already it begins to well within me and fill the dark corners. For now I watch as my heart reaches out to those around me, seeking comfort in its horrid misery and I do not deny it access to them for it may help it to heal and eventually understand but as time goes by it will learn that only creative art through writing can fill its passion, that only the characters it creates through the stroke of the pen can possibly fill its expectations that the people in reality cannot. By falling and failing this time I have stumbled upon a greater understanding of my purpose. THough I still wallow in misery from having to seperate myself from a woman who is my idea of a person I could love forever and show her "A Whole New World" I know that eventually she will fade from my memory and my gradeur and divinity will love on forever in my words, the love that would have beenr eserved for hers will pour outward into my writing and people will cease to matter. This is my goal, my masterwork, my doctorine, my credo, and my life renewed.

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The Rain Began Again, A Freezing Rain That Matched The Travelers Demeanor

Quote Of The Day: I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are better left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful it can't expressed in words, and it makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a grey place dares to dream. It was as if some beautiful bird had flapped into our drab little cage and made these walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free. ~Red (played by Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption)

There are times in life when you will seem to have no control over yourself, your feelings, your heart and even though those times seem like they may well rip you apart and devour every inch of who you are in the years to come you will look back on those times and just feel glad that for that time you felt life you felt alive and if nothing else at least you could feel. Tonight as I walked home in the cold and the dark I came to the realization that I value my tears these days, I value the pain and the heartache because with every new failure and every lost love I feel less and less, im afraid that soon I will feel nothing. This latest failure has hit me the hardest, if I were a ship id be listeing, my hull damaged and half my crew injured. What I need the most right now is a port in the storm, a safe haven to moore and make repairs before I take on too much water and join those lost beneath the waves. But for all the great pain, all the immense heartache, and the terrible agony of the soul that continues to hit me in new and worse waves I am grateful for the inspiration in writing here. Additionally I am reading Terry Goodkind's newest book Chainfire, and I feel each and every sad moment the charcters experience. Mores the pitty though that I cannot feel the joy of their love. One cannot truly know the joy of love unless he has had it then lost it, I never had it to begin with. Take this time, my dearest readers, to lavish yourselves in the sorrowful joy of my inspired words for they seem to come only when my soul has blackened and my heart shrunk.

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As The Traveler Moved Down The New Path He Suddenly Remembered Why He Had Chosen The Other, The Pain Here Was Terrible And He Felt More Alone

Quote Of The Day: "Don't let her hug you, don't let yourself be convinced to give her a massage or hang out or call and sing her to sleep. Before modern medicine, when someone was wounded, they used to have to burn the wound to killl off the infections, and that would often hurt more than the wound in the first place, but it was necessary to save the life." ~A Wise Friend

This probably falls more under the category of good advice but I think it fits as a quote somehow. At first I didnt agree because I was too unhappy and foolish to not see the wisdom but now with a heavy heart and with eyes that have seen too much I recognize the intelligence in this rather harsh advice. The problem with following it by myself was that one cannot burn themselves to remove an infection, they must be aided by others. So now I have enlisted the help of friends to rid me of the disease that clouds my thoughts and my mind. One can only stand so much before they know they must admit to having a weakness that is tearing them apart and though I dearly love my strongest weakeness it must end. In life we all make sacrifices, and perhaps this could have been avoided but we should not dwell on what could have been we must deal with the here and now. Should I have encouraged more intamacy? Yes, most definately for it is because I didnt that I find myself where im at. So more than anything, what hurts the most? The jealousy of not having what others dont fully realize quite the treasure that they have, its destroying my heart and poisoning my mind. Is this over dramatic? Yes, and it should be. Life is not some pale and stagnant thing, life is drama and everything that comes with it. I am tired of the drama but I realize that this is just the way it is and its better to face it head on. I am tired but there isnt time yet to rest. I got over the other failures that I gambled on and lost, why should this be different? Because I cared more for this loss than any other. I wont be tossing the dice again soon, I just pray that I will again at all. The time has truly come at last to leave, to raise myself out of the pool I have grown to large for and seek out a larger pond. I am sad that I cannot still maintain a working and loving friendship that I wanted so much to be more, but it hurts to much to watch someone else in the place I wish to be and I hope that can be understood. It is another of my failures to be placed upon the mantle of things gone wrong and mis understood signals. Am I depressed? Yes but that is a part of life and eventually I will grow beyond it but for now the coulds have gathered around me to hide me from view and I cannot deny liking it.

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A Stiff And Truthful Wind Blew Off The Black Cloak Covering The Figure Of The Traveler To Give Him Understanding, For The First Time He Turned Around

Adendem to the title: For The First Time The Traveler Turned Around And Walked Back Along The Path, Choosing the Other Fork Instead, Hoping That The Person Wandering That Path Would Still Allow Him To Travel Along The Path With Her
Quote Of The Day- "You dont know exactly what youve had until its gone and you find yourself longing for it in every way." ~Historical Anonymous

How simple life once seemed through the eyes of childhood, how easy to tell was good from evil, black from white, right from wrong, and how profoundly simple was love. Many of us long for those simple times and think back with fondness on those childhood experiences. Think back to those precious times when all you had to do to know if someone had romantic feelings was to write a note with a "yes" or "no" box to check ogg. But now its become complicated and conviluted, lust blinds us, fear of intamacy or fears of being alone seperate us from those we would love and bind us to those we no longer as strongly for. What might have been love is whittled away to a mere feeling of fleeting affection and foolish loyalty fueled by fear of being alone. Heroes and Heriones exist all around us but in our fear we choose not to see them and refuse to believe we can ever be saved, ever be happy, or ever be redeemed. Soon we even begin to distort the very meaning and image of love. So far have we fallen that that same fleeting affection is now deemed to be "love" itself, and the intense, passionate, burning desire, and nervous feelings of passion are nothing but mere myth and heresay. Two or three generations of MTV watches and pop-culturists took centuries and centuries of divine culture full of beauty and love and degraded it into music videos full of fake people and meaningless noise. This is the world we live in now, the world that threatens to destroy the things that I value the most and forget them amongst the confusion of its idiocy. But before the roar of a mindless crowd and a rising generation of zombies I still stand and I will be damned and struck dead by the hand of some foolish god before I let the feelings of love and beauty die.
Untitled Poem
"Sea of flowing fire
ever rising current of desire
waves of heat crest upon shores of valiant loins
while Godly stamina imbued with Godly lust,
make for creative art when used with loving trust.
Venus rises high in blood red eastern sky
as western winds whisper of northern lies
sent from the mind above to the soul below
so icy logic may squelch heated passions burning glow.
But the mind knows its limits and submits to its masters above
for even logic must bow before the might, the light, of love.
~Shawn Vincent Stengar 2005

Untitled Poem
Romance, love, lust, desire
words to inspire the mind, to set the soul on fire,
Words to live by, to worship up on high
to praise, to carry on, to raise the spirit to the sky.
Forget the cowardly and the foolish who's spirits never feel the flight,
who are of pedestals because of fear of height.
Never fear to place your love, your lover, and friends far out of reach
for then the soul will "Once More Unto The Breach".
If still you are anything less than convinced
then from the poet to the reader, let your soul become inscensed
and let these words from Dylan Thomas inspire your heart to fight
"...rage, rage against the dying of the light...".
Feel the passion sweilling in your veins,
quickly becoming indistinquishable from pressures, pleasures, and pains.
Take all the world for your preformance stage,
give the audience a hell of a show and if it lasts an hour then let it last an age.
This world is yours to claim for your very own
but remember when you play, its not half as fun to play alone.
~Shawn Vincent Stengar

Tonight I was talking to an old friend and I have been recieving e-mails from another good old friend and though their opionins and adivce differ a little since was is a worldly intellectual and the other a heartfelt soldier of life, but their words inspired me to change my mind and rescend a decision. Id tell you more but its intensely personal and above all, very important to my life.

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Hidden Beneath The Cloak Of Darkeness The Traveler Continued On, Taking The Left At The Fork In The Road, Swerving Away From The Path Of Angels

Quote Of The Day: "Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken." ~Frank Herbert (author of Dune)

An intelligent man and a brilliant author Frank Herbert. Here we see truth in some of its finest words. I believe Mr. Herbert is attempting to tell us that we should no sleep through life, we should be awake and willing to see it for all the different changes that may come along the paths of life, be they good or bad. Lately some of you have come to know about a change along my path and then some of you may not know. In either case it doesnt matter, those who know are meant to know and those of you who do not know do not need to. The point is that we each must choose our paths and in order to walk those paths we must be willing to accept change and take chances. Well I took a chance and I accepted the change that would come of it, no matter if the outcome was good or bad I would accept that change, and I got my outcome. It wasnt the one I was hoping for but none the less I accept this change but I feel I should offer a piece of advice to my dear readers. Be wary when to you gamble and be ready to accept loss, try not to gamble with something very precious unless your prepared to part with it. I wasnt thrilled about having to part with something I know I have to but I'm doing it and I'm doing it because to have it near to me, to look upon it and be close to it causes more pain than losing it. Time will heal all wounds, including this one, but keeping this most dearest and precious thing near me will never allow my wound to heal thus I must part with it. I know that some of you dont agree with it and that soem of you do but the fact is it isnt your decision and you dont know what it is to make THIS decision because its me making it and it all but kills me. You should believe me though, when I say that the positive outcome was well worth the gamble and the entire world could nto have offered a more pleasing or more tempting offer as what would have been if my gamble would have worked.
As to my last entry, well I was rather angry at the time and those of you know of the reason know that I was justified at the time. But as all things do, the anger died and reason came into my mind. Yes, it is my mind who is once again ruling my body and not my heart. For now my heart is layed to its rest for healing and rejuvination. Until such time as my heart can heal itself and regain strength my mind shall rule as it once did. This means that for now romance and passion shall take a backseat to balance, logic, and above all knowledge. No it doesnt mean I dont care or that I do not invite each and everyone of you to share your problems with me because I do care and I shall endeavor to help anyone who needs it. And just for one persons reference, this does mean EVERYONE, though it may cause me harm to have someone near I would never turn her away and wouldnt think twice about rushing in to help with anything. But truly, if music is the food of love than I'm afriad right now that my record player is broken and it will take time to repair it. But again, I gladly pay this price for having the opportunity to win such a prize as great as the treasure I sought, for nothing could seem as sweet or as dear as it does and did. The point is that I had my chance and even though I didnt win, it was worth just that chance.

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Thicker And Darker Than The Very Soul Of Midnight, A Darkness Enveloped The Traveler Comforting And Giving Him Solitude

Quote Of The Day: "If Music Be The Food Of Love, Play On............too bad all the records are broken" Lord Shawn

Hello friends, good evening to those of you who have cause to call it a good evening, and just plain greetings to those of you who have no cause to see this as anything but a wretched day that is joyless and as murky as the grey sky above. But today is a special day for some of you, truly congratualations is in order to those of you who always tell me im too arrogant or who would like to see me cut down to size. Congratulations because I sit before you now humbled and reduced. Why? You might ask, its none of your damnable business just savor the moment for what it is and savor any feeling from me at all. I also admit that I was wrong, I was wrong in ever believing that feeling could ever be useful. I was better off in my icy demeanors that I ever have been in this caring bullshit that I've sucked up from you people. I know some of you come for advice, so heres a bit for you; turn your back on opening yourself up because your going to hurt yourself doing that, if people want in then let them knock first. "Learn to be lonely, life can be lived and life can be learned"- Andrew Loyd Webber (Phantom Of The Opera). To my wonderful adoring readers, keep reading this journal, im nto going anywhere but things are going to change. Forget everything I've ever said about love. Read this in the coming days because I have much to teach you all about "love" and "caring" and all the other nonsense that sappy poets and dumbass writers tr to cram down your throats. I will help to cleanse your minds of these false realities and more false truths. Know each of you that Lord Shawn will not lie to you, ever, for any reason at least not here in this forum. To those of you that come here trying to find weakeness or a chink in my armor, keep looking jackasses cause you wotn find one. I am a god unto myself, a lord among men, and I am immune to these concepts of love, caring, devotion, and seduction. Beneath this chest beats a heart of ice and the lives the soul of a writer, a writer who knows better than to believe in crap that candy companies and old women try to feed us.

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