Looking Ahead Upon The Path

Well for no particular reason I'm feeling pretty good tonight. Was kinda thinking about my turning 21 in may and goin to Vegas this summer and I'd like to invite any friends that have the money and time to join me and we'll have some fun. It may be your one shot to see me drunk, which im told is kinda funny. I can kinda see the future here and im predicting a good year ahead, im not sayin run and buy stock but I do encourage anyone and everyone to be more open with me. I'm definately more open to people now and I love to talk. And no im not drunk right now.

SVS

A Dawn Rises On A New Day As The Path Ahead Brings Promises Of New Experiences

Today has brought some interesting thoughts to me today. While I didnt really do much, I did do some thinking (as usual, big surprise right?). Anyway I was thinking that perhaps all that I really need right now, to make me a happier person, are some more immediate reachable goals that will still give me some challenge. And as I was listening to Tenacious's D's "Fuck Her Gently" I got to thinking some more about sex and relationships and it occured to me that all I really need to do is find someone, perhaps two, and seduce one and get to know the other. Im sure that this plan sounds rather twisted but it is what it is and hey I havent had much fun in awhile.

On a slightly different note I am now writing for myself again. Last night I began a new novel in journeys of my long standing character Overon Minite. I have been working on Overon and various novels involving him for a very long time, in fact I even play an online text roleplay to improve the characters depth and nature. I've been playing with and writing this character for about 10 years now and I think I'm finally ready to use him in something serious. A few of you might recall that I came very close to finishing a story involving him several years ago, but that project was abandonded due to some difficulties with the storyline and just not thinking the other characters through enough. However as soon I get a chapter done anyone who wants to read it may request such at any time. Though I only give out readable chapters to people I can trust and they know who they are. This new novel will be following Overon and another character through their lives and perils. Also I will soon be beggining a short play that will involve some degree of comedy and drama, though this is yet undefined.

It has been brought to my attention that lately my personality has been doing some flip-flops, going from being very stoggy and conservative to rather unconcerned and relaxed. Well I'd like to say that this is due to some very heavy decisions that I'll be facing within the next year and right now im not entirely sure what im going to do but I would ask that everyone please bare with me through the coming year. Hopefully this winter and/or summer I'll be able to take some time and relax. I dont think he'll see this before he goes off to Iraq but I know Private Jackass's solution "Dude, you just need to get laid, plain and simple.". Well PVT. J, fo shizzle my nizzle (its a thing between him and me, him trying to get me to say stupid things like that so that was for him), but as I always say back, that may be but I dont really have any opportunities but the first time one presents herself I promise I'll take it up. But for the PVT and all those in Iraq like him with concerned friends and families back here, I hope that peace comes soon and that should death come, may it be swift and merciful. May whatever God or being that may preside over the great universe have mercy on us all. And to the opportunity that has yet to present herself, whomever it may be in this big old world,........good Gods come soon cause im gonna go insane.

Each of us must face our own demons
and each of us my walk to edge of the cliff overlooking the future.
So to each and everyone of you I say
grab onto the demon and jump over the cliff
and force that demon to flap his wings and work for you.

SVS

After Careful Consideration The Traveler Had More To Say

Well after listening to some music and watching a tad bit o tv I have more to add. Actually this is more of a challenge that shall never be heard by anyone other than my readers but I feel that I should share this with at least friends, though my dream gal will probably never hear it, anyway......basically I have always had a fondness for the small wee bit of Irish in me and their fascination for drinking has always intriqued me. But first let me tell you, even though I love to write, read, and think intellectually and all that jazz I can still handle my alcohol, thanks to Private Jackass. In short I can drink most of the people within my age group under the table and I swear the first good looking girl that can drink me under the table, well sir....id be inclined to give her a fair shot. And now on that note, Goodeve tay yall.

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As I Wander Down The Path, Thoughts Of The Fairer Sex Cross My Mind

Sometimes in life you begin to think about the things you've left behind then you stop and wonder if you shouldnt reconsider old possibilities. Of course, I am talking about sex and the wanting thereof. You see I have always believed that I have sacrificed a true social life for continuous study and work. But now I begin to think that perhaps, if I put my mind to it, I could make room for one. Though I can think of any number of things to prevent me from doing so.

It really is hard to find someone these days, especially the ideal one. As I have said before the only thing I truly want, physically, in a woman is red-hair. There is just something about red-hair that screams sexy and sultry. But I'll be honest, my "radar" isnt exactly in tune and I think thats part of the problem, I have a hard time knowing when a woman is expressing interest and it is more than difficult to find a woman with the courage or tenacity to actually initiate a relationship with a guy. But that is the kind of person I would like. As to my perfect woman? Well she would have flame red-hair, preferrably taller but not nesassary, a piercing gaze, a lovely body, and someone who likes a tango-like flirting game.

And now that I sound both desperate and sad by making a damned near dating description I feel like a jackass.

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At Long Last The Inevitable Fork In The Road Has Come And I Know Not Which Way To Go

Its funny how some decisions come up on you so quickly in life isnt it? I lay awake in bed late last night (or early this morning depending on how you wanna look at it), thinking about my financial situation and realized that college is getting harder and harder to fund and something must be done. WHile I considered many possibilities none of them looked good or very probable and spending cash in all of the scenarios would be nill so I began to consider other sources. But I did decide one thing, I need to lose weight and get itno better shape (even though im far better off than i was even a year ago.). I think I may have a plan but its going to take about a year to pull together. But one thing is for sure, I refuse to give up becuase there are always possibilities. However there is one very strong downside to my plan, I must forego relationships other than friendships longer than I already have, this would set me back close to 3 years. For this will take all my concentration and focus but in the end it will be worth it.

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Onward Unto The Chosen Path

Well friends I must say I am in an exceptionally good mood today. This is due to the fact that I start classes next monday, my new laptop computer shall arrive here sometime within the next few days, Angel and I are okay once more, and I've been listening to a rather different kind of music lately. First of all im stoked about classes and mroe than ready to start, well ready after I go finalize some things today. Second, I cant wait to get my laptop and I've always wanted one and I got an excellent deal on it. Third, I cannot convey my happiness at being able to talk to Angel, its hard to be angry at someone you care for so much. Last is the music, well I cant say that is typical, especially of my age or any outside Dublin. I've been listenign to a lot of Irish folk music lately, no real reason except for I was trying to find Toora Loora Looral and then found some others with it. I've found that most of the songs are really upbeat or really sad but both have inspiriation in them and they inspire good feelings. For me part of health includes ones emotions and its always a good idea let yourself every kind of emotion which includes sadness. Its odd but sadness for me teaches me and makes me feel better than most other emotions, there is something redeaming about admitting your grief then rising anew from it. The others are mostly Irish drinking songs, which are always fun.

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When Semi-Intelligent People Do Stupid Things

Ok I've got to take a moment and go off of my typical path of self-righteous blabbering. There are a lot of thing that kinda perturb me and then there are things that typically piss me off. But what really sets me off is when friends or aquaintences do fairly dumb things and I got one of those. Let me break it down for ya, baisically Angel is dating this guy that is a complete waste of breath. Well ok not a total waste cause people are always capable of doing something useful, like shoveling feces or soemthing. Anyway the point is that she dumped him three times (I think) and to put it bluntly she's leading him on. Now I dont know the guy very well but from what she tells me (both good and bad) along with the few times I've met him, he looks like a skinny white woman. I cannot count the many times she's complained about him and ya know what? Ive finally had it with hearing about it cause the next time I hear one complaint about him im ignoring it and walking away/hanging up. I cannot believe that people are this shallow, but hey I usually over-estimate people anyway. I swear there isnt one decent female out there. If I could find just one who has a decent intellect, isnt completely self-absorbed, isnt some fanatic Christian, and is decent looking I'd swear I'd do everythign to keep her. Bunch of lousy self-absorbed mornonic............................................ I think its the combination of finding out so many of the people I know are so self-absorbed in their own little world they depress themselves and everyone around them, cant seem to see the larger world around them, and dont have enough collective intelligence to understand picture books, that has me feeling like hurling anything in my reach across the room. In short......PEOPLE PISS ME OFF CAUSE THEY"RE STUPID.

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Let Not The Ignorrant Or The Foolish Stand In Your Path

Well friends it seems that not even this small city and its citizens can hide from the spreading corruption of white supremecy. I was informed today that during the past weekend White Power supporters washed over the city to leave various kinds of flyers in their wake and looking for support for their cause. Truly I had hoped that such STUPID ideals and CHILDISH acts had been left in the past and had washed away with the failed Nazi regime. I cannot understand how anyone can hate so openly, for me such behavior is unthinkable and such ideals are byeond contempt. When will the rest of you get it through your heads that people are people, be they white, black or any other color, Catholic, Unitarian, whatever. We all share the same fucking genetic code, the same basic design, the same planet, the same basic abilities, and the same future so shape up and stop acting like such pathetic wyrms, its little wonder that you people have to believe in a God because no one else would put up with your crap. Such children. These kind of things get more angry than most people can understand. I can tolerate ignorace for the most part and I can deal with those who dont understand but when it comes to the blind hatred of anyone I get a little testy.
So for any of you who even have the smallest inkling of White Supremecy in you, or any other hate group targeting anyone just because of where they come from, their skin color, or their religion, or any other moronic reason I say GROW UP, ACT LIKE A HUMAN BEING AND TRY AND GIVE SOMETHING TO THE REST OF HUMANITY AND STOP BEING WORTHLESS.

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As The Path Begins Its Descent Into The Unknown Once More The Woods Ahead Look Dark And Forboding........And I Stand Ready To Charge Headlong Into The Depths Of The Unknown Where Angels Fear To Tread

Greetings friends, today has been a bittersweet day for me. But it has only been full of minor mishaps and victories of various sorts and really there is nothing much to write about as far as the day went. However I do have things to discuss. I think I shall start with the subject of friends. Let me run down the status of my various friendships, what few are left.

First and foremst is Pvt. Jackass, whom I have spoken of before. The Pvt and I have been friends ever since 3rd grade and for the most part its been a goodfriendship full of laughs, mishaps, great memories, and some bitter moments. It is the Pvt.'s spontaneous nature, good sense of humor, great outlook on the world, and happiness that has kept us good friends. I dont think there are many people left in the world that I feel this close to, in short the Pvt. is not so much like a brother but now I consider him a brother. But like most brothers, we have our differences. Most of our differences are focused upon the fact that I am idealist who tries very hard to stick to what he believes in no matter what and the Pvt. is a happy go lucky person who prefers to focus on just making every moment of life count and ignoring ideals and pricipals. His path has led him directly into the mouth of the very thing I seek to rid myself of, WAR. But then again, if youve read the other parts of my journal then you already know this. I am by no means ready to give up on the Pvt. and while he heads into battle to fight for money and an unjust cause I await his return to once again engage him upon the field of intellectual combat.

Next is a friend I dont believe Ive spoken of so we shall call him Lips, because of his rather unique lips (though he knows he has another nickname I wont mention here). Anyway Lips and I have been friends since 7th grade when my mother moved in with my step-father and I was forced to transfer from Coos Bay's school district (where all of my friends were) to North Bend (they're basically the same town but still...). Lips and I had one very important thing in common when we met, we hated gym class. Now I dont want to call either one of us slackers, its just that we are more geered towards activities like thinking, writing, reading, learning, and BSing. Lips and I have a lot in common, we are both idealists, both dreamers of a sort, and both always shooting higher than we should with women. Though in Lips's case I think he's actually hit bullseyes before, where as I keep shooting way too high. Overall Lips is a good guy with his heart always in the right place and forever trying to do the "right thing" while still trying to get ahead in life, truly a noble pursuit. He's had soem bad luck with women but he keeps trying and I really have to applaud him for that. The best thing i can say for Lips is that our friendship is shared, I have always included him in my projects because I know he can do just about anything he wants if he tries and he has always included me in his, one of which I have to remember to show up for on Wednesday.

Third is Wonder Boy ( or WB for short). Now I have met a lot of people and read a lot of books, seen a lot of movies but no one out of all of those has ever been able to compare in the spirit of determenation to my friend WB. WB is a guy who will just not quit in life, he has taken some major blows and had obstacles put in his path but he has always found a way out around them no matter what. WB isnt very skilled with women, he's not a big reader, and to be honest sometimes he's just a tad slow on the uptake of some things but he never quits trying. I cant tell you the number of people who have asked me why I hang out with him, why I let him follow me, why Im always helping him and any number of other STUPID comments. But I will say here and now to forever settle any such questions. I have NEVER LET HIM FOLLOW ME I have been honored to have such a person accompany me on the great path of life, I have NEVER given any help that I would not give any other human being no matter who they are and his sucesses have been solely because of his determentation, and foremost he doesnt "FOLLOW" me rather we walk side by side as equals in all things in life.

Fourth is Angel and right now I dont care much to discuss her, because I miss her.

Fifth is one of my favorite people to try and figure out. I previously named her Star but I think StarFire is more appropriate (or SF for short). SF is a true rarity among women and the only female capable of infuriating me without trying. I suppose this isnt all that healthy, to have someone who can anger you so quickly or make you feel incredibly small without knowing it, but they do make life far more interesting. I should say that I had one very large crush on SF once and there was a time when she could turn my knee's to jello and set my mind aflame, well up until I overcame my intimidation by her and got past just her outter beauty. Now im going to flatter her here for a moment because I think she is best described like this to get an idea of the kind of person she is. SF is ever bit her nickname here, she is a gorgeous red head with hair the very color of smoldering flame, that kind of pale skin you only find on a person with freckles, lips just big enough that your eyes tend to focus on them, but should your eyes stray up they would be stilled by two cornflower blue orbs that can show a massive range of emotion but do so well with the hottest of come hither glances and the coldest of icy glares. Ok im done flattering now, that is the way i remember her anyway, I havent actually seen her physical self in some time. But now comes the other part. SF can also be one of the most stubborn mules, idealistic hypocrits, bitchy females, and all around queen of ice you could ever meet. Her personality is day and night all wrapped together. But behind it all? A genuine original woman who's myriad of experiences has made her wise beyond her years. Its little wonder I had such a crush on her. But after speaking with her numerous times I use to wonder what being inimately close to her would be like and I can tell you with certanty that even in her worst moods and most firery moments that she is nothing that I could not handle. I dont pursue her any farther than a friend any longer but to any man who dares to brave this great dragoness, be prepared for battle that will try the strength of your mind, your heart, and though I dont actually know im sure it would be physically trying at times as well. I can see her future and I can say that its a bright one full of adventure and goodluck to her.

Sixth is a woman for whom I have more respect and good ideals of then any other. Sunshine, of whom ive previously spoken, is beyond my full comprehension. All around her I get a sense of genuine goodness like no other, as if she is a beacon of light lost in a great see of dark colors. Her true name even rings of beauty and goodness. Her hair was once the color golden wheat but since she dyed it, its now the color of beautiful Fusias, tips of dark red with a slighty less dark set of red streaks everywhere through that soft straight hair. She is the kind of woman you can see yourself embracing tenderly and just thanking the fates that you are even priveleged enough to gaze upon. Of course im sure there is a darker side to this glaringly beautiful angel, something a little less angelic on the edge of those beautiful eyes. She seems to hint at a more devilish playful side that is just outside the range of sight. Its as if you can imagine her as being the most honest and good person ever to walk or the most devilishly playful and deceptive minx youll ever meet. Personally i think she's a little of both, but then again arent we all?

So to all of you who regocnize yourselves and think I might have a thing or two wrong I invite conversation, as always. And I totally invite a friendly e-mail of a description for me. But especially to Angel, come on dear and lets talk. Im over my anger and now is the time for talk and repair if there can be any possibility for such things.

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In The Distance Lie The Clouds Of The Desolate Winter, While Behind Are The Ever Warm Waters Of Summer, But To Stay And Play Amonst The Warm Waters And Abandon My Course Is Far More Dangerous Than Any Cloud.

Well I have finally felt the cold winds and seen the clouds of fall arrive at long last. I've never really been a Summer person, dont really like the heat, but I absolutely adore Fall. Spring and Winter I could take or leave but there is somtheing dearly special about Fall. The changing colors of the leaves, the cool winds, the bright sun, and the memories of the faded summer are something that one cannot help but look foreward to. With Fall comes Halloween, my favorite holiday, though I think America is slowly destroyign it by removing the elements of fear and horror. I often wonder where the scary costumes, decorations, and traditional masks went. Every year I have strived to create a more traditionally decorated house and add elements of horror to it so that children might get a glimpse at what was and maybe that will promote more of this in the future. I usually take the front entrance to my home and cover it in faux cobwebs, a few window decorations, and a number of various theme decorations. I take old masks and costumes and hang them from the ceiling in various poses, hang a cauldron with dry ice inside, dress up, and have two fog machines going with strobe lights and colored lighting to try and create the perfect theme. Just claiming a lost part of childhood I suppose. I also find the Fall a very reflective time to think about what has transpired in the wispy days of Summer and consider what you will do to get through the bleak days of Winter ahead. But it is the scenery in both Winter and Fall here that I enjoy, the many colors of Fall and the rainy costal storms of winter add an air of dreayness that makes you look foreward to Christmas and Spring.

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Let The Light Of Truth Shine True And Clear Away The Fog Of Doubt And Confusion

I have returned from a a few days rest to think and sort out the numerous thoughts that plague my mind. With the coming of school, possibly a new job, and the departure of an old friend to a far away land I have had to do some thinking. I have always maintained that I enjoy a good challenge and like to explore new ventures but the problem with facing an unprecedented challenge is that there is no course to follow, no chosen path to wander for one must forge their own path through the wood. It seems that I am to forge my own path now, one that diverges from Angel's path. It took some long hard thought but I refuse to back down and admit wrong doing when there was none, I have nothign to apologize for and I shall not. For a long time I considered apologizing, even though I did not know what for, but somewhere admist my clouded mind came a ringing truth, the truth that it was she who openly insulted me by misunderstanding and unless she can see that and admit her own fault then I must leave her behind and forge on ahead to the unkown alone. And while I will nto admit wrongdoing when there is none I will also not simply pretend something did not happen when I know so painfully well that it did. For once it seems I am not the one in need of redemption but rather the one who can hand it out. But I remain resolute in my stance and I have been hurt so for there to be redemption she must ask for it and she must make a bold move for my attention or else there shall be no more.

On another front of my mind is school. This will be the start of my second year in college and while I love every moment of it, the proper course of what I should do still eludes me. On one hand I could easily continue on towards a teaching degree but the problem with youth is that you want everything and anything you can possibly dream of and so it is in my case. While teaching does intrique me so does Cryptozoology, the study of creatures which have not yet been proven to exist, which draws me due to its uniqueness and its newness as well as the unexplored nature of its mission. To study what modern science says does not exist is something that draws me and in a very powerful way. But once more I am drawn in another direction, that of a writer which i have forever been obessed with. Though I guess you could say I already am a writer I still dont feel like one and I often find myself looking to try and be one by my own definition which is anyone who has had a whole novel published, which I have nto yet done. Also the choice of schools after this year will begin to confound me, while I do very much want to go to Ashland and go to SOU I do also feel the drawn to Switzerland's Franklin College and to something else there. But the second seems the more foolish decision, but what says that I cannot be foolish once in a while? For once I want to do something rash that everyone and everything points away from. More importantly I do not want to be HERE anymore, this dull tiny town bores me and yearn desperately for excitement and adventure. To go clubbing, dancing, drinking, and general carousing in places such as NY, LA, Seattle and so many of the other great cities intriques me and draws my interest.

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